Wasn't sure where to post this.

kelseydjames

I wasn't sure which board to post this on, but this seems like the perfect board. I could use some fellow christian love.

Does anyone else feel like they're planning this completely alone? I know that it is mostly the "girl thing" to plan the wedding, but I'd really like to feel like I'm not alone in it. Of course we don't live together, so when I see him it's in between classes (we go to the same college) or on the weekends. Anytime I ask a wedding related question I get an "ugh, I have no preferance" or "I don't care, whatever you want". And getting a little personal, all he wants to do is kiss these days. I get that the closer we get to the wedding the harder it is to wait, but I don't want to just make out all the time because I'm worried that it WILL get too hard to wait.

Like tonight, he showed up here to surprise me when I was done with class. I was really excited to see him so we had dinner and talked for a bit. I ask a question about groomsmen gifts, and I get a "I drove into town to see you and kiss you a little bit and you want to talk wedding". I'm sorry, but it's his wedding too.

Ugh, sorry this was so long.

JoyMatt424

I would encourage you to talk to him about how you feel, you sound discouraged. You don't want to remember this time after you are married - it will be a sour memory on a very beautiful event.

I will pray for you! I think that you should voice your opinion with your future husband to be, he is your best friend!

fpaemp2011

FI has been great with all the wedding plans.  There are some things that he has absolutely no opinion on, but there are others where I will narrow down a few selections and ask him to pick.

As far as date nights, there have been several times when one or both of us will declare a "No-Wedding Talk" night and neither of us bring up any planning issues.  There are also times when I will say that we need to talk about wedding plans so we both know that some of our time together needs to be devoted to making WR decisions.

Regarding the physical aspect, this is something you need to bring up with him.  He may not feel like he's starting to cross a line.  Both of you must be one the same page with exactly where the line is.  The board had a discussion about this last week, if you want to check it out: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_far

June is getting so close, but we still have 6 months to go, and, like you said, it's not going to get any easier.  My FI and I have to continually pray for grace and patience for ourselves and with each other. You're not alone in any of this. 

~Emily

iamjoesgurl

My DH was not very interested in the planning either so I just did a lot of it myself.  When he did show an interest in something, I let him run with it.  It sounds like maybe your FI is tired of talking about wedding planning.  If he is not interested and you want to talk about it, this will make things difficult for the two of you.  I would talk with him, acknowledge that understand he is tired of talking wedding so much, ask him which parts of the planning he wants to be involved in and then just leave him out of the other stuff.  If you want to talk to someone about it who can help you make decisions, maybe your MOH or BMs will want to help you.  Hang in there.  The wedding planning is supposed to be fun!  

kellya01

Yes... as PP's said -- find a way to communicate with him about your concern.  Tell him that you're feeling a little alone in this and that you need his support in planning the wedding.  You might even think of something he could help you do so he has something tangible to think about that is wedding-related.  

I totally get the "it's hard to wait" thing -- I think I posted something about that a month ago or so on this board.  We ALL struggle to remain pure.  If sex wasn't so enjoyable or gratifying, I don't think we'd want to do it, and it's something God designed for the safety and security of marriage.  I remember a piece of advice I received from the posting when I put it up from one of the other girls on here -- you may be betrothed to him now, but you're not married yet, so make your brain take hold of your hormones and stay pure!! 

rachael027

I don't think my fiance could care less about the actually planning of the wedding...at first it bothered me a lot, but now I've just learned to let it go. But I totally know where you're coming from...we just got engaged about 4 months ago, so everything is still very new and exciting, and I wanted to have someone to share it with...and of course I wanted to share it with him, but he just seemed so uninterested.

So, I just talked with my fiance about it; and he explained to me that while he is of course excited to marry me, he doesn't really care what our colors are, or what flavor the cake is. I still do want his input, so we've agreed that I will narrow certain things down to 2 or 3 choices and then I will discuss those choices with him and we can make the final decision on everything together.

I also know that it is also very hard to wait to have sex, it is especially hard for us since we are now engaged. We have just set some very strict boundaries and do everything we can not to cross those boundaries. Every couple has their own comfort zone, so you just have to decide makes you have those thoughts and then DON'T do those things anymore.

I think that maybe the two of you should start doing other things as a couple, such as cooking a meal together, or watching a movie together, something that is not excessively physically or excessively talking about the wedding...so that you're both comfortable.

The main thing is being able to talk to your fiance about all of these things, communication is, in my opinion, the most important thing in a relationship. None of us are mind readers...so we need to talk to each other!

I hope this helps! Sorry if I rambled!

katanne9

You should definitely sit down and talk about this.

Planning the wedding is different for people, but even if it doesn't interest him, he should be able to dedicate some time to it because it's about the two of you.

He also needs to realize that it's not your responsibility to plan everything. I would sit down with him and make a list for the things that are his responsibilities (ex. suits, or GM gifts) and other things that may interest him (maybe finding a DJ or transportation).

You also should bring up the physical aspect. It won't get any easier. Honestly, frankly discussing our physical relationship during the end of our engagement made those last few months of waiting easier. I hope it will help you two as well.

Good luck : )

MopsieB

Honestly, college age is SO young- I don't think guys in particular are mature enough to handle thinking about all the details of a wedding. Who is paying for it? I'm about 15 years older than you are, and I think it makes a lot of difference when you are the one paying for everything. Plus, older men don't lose sight of the true meaning of marriage- your love and commitment to one another. Maybe he is getting overwhelmed with the whole process or feels excluded. You should definitely talk to him about what HE wants and try to then include his feelings as you make your plans. It really shouldn't be all about the bride-- or her parents. Good luck!