Christian Weddings
Options

"Sheet Music" advised medical exam?

Heya everyone!

My fiance and I started reading "Sheet Music," and think it's a fairly good book. But I got to the part advising me to get a medical exam for the purpose of possibly doing something to stretch me open so that it would hurt less on the wedding night?

I *hate* OB/GYN exams with a burning passion. They terrify me. But FI has said he doesn't want to hurt me on our wedding night. 

Has anyone done this kind of exam? Does anyone wish they had? If it'd make things easier or less painful, I'd be willing to, but I have no way of judging whether getting an exam and doing something stretching, or just hoping it won't hurt, would result in less overall discomfort. 

Any advice?


Visit Purple.weddings.com
«1

Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?

  • Options
    edited December 2011

    I've never heard of it, but it sounds like a good idea to me. I may do that as well.

    PhotobucketWedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I had one and it wasn't that bad honestly. Also the OB GYN will answer any questions you have about the wedding night and anything else like that. Mine explained things to me about my body and was very helpful. I think it's a good idea to just go in for an intial exam just to make sure everything is okay. If you want more information on stuff dealing with the medical side Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat M.D / Gaye Wheat.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you should definitely get am exam, just a standard physical with pap, etc. if you aren't already doing that.  As far as the stretching out and stuff, hmmm.  I did have pain the first time, but I don't think I would change that.  My husband's response to the pain I was having really showed me a lot about the kind of man he was and, as odd as this might sound, I think it brought us closer together.  So no, I don't think I would have done it, even if I'd known it was an option.
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:03e78b49-c82f-4509-9a51-3e9a593fc724">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you should definitely get am exam, just a standard physical with pap, etc. if you aren't already doing that.  
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    <div>See, I'm healthy, and I don't need a pap smear because the chances of me having a non-sexually-transmitted cervical cancer virus are slim to none. I've had an exam before so I know that, like, all my organs are in the right place, etc.  </div><div>
    </div><div>The book says that a doctor will "need to consider your hymen," and vaginal muscles, and that there are "vaginal dilators" available. Neither of these things sounds like something I'm interested in doing - so what I'm wondering is, what were other people's experiences? Did anyone who read this advice take it?</div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel like there was a thread about this a while back. Maybe I'm crazy.

    I'm not sure what you're looking for. Are you asking if anyone here had their hymen broken or stretched by a doctor? If it's something you aren't interested in doing, don't do it. Simple as that.
    image
    image
    Pregnancy Ticker
    2010: 41 books, 2011: 31 books, 2012: 100 books
  • Options
    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:36001cdb-5c70-413a-84a2-0e17d959433b">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : See, I'm healthy, and I don't need a pap smear because the chances of me having a non-sexually-transmitted cervical cancer virus are slim to none. I've had an exam before so I know that, like, all my organs are in the right place, etc.   The book says that a doctor will "need to consider your hymen," and vaginal muscles, and that there are "vaginal dilators" available. Neither of these things sounds like something I'm interested in doing - so what I'm wondering is, what were other people's experiences? Did anyone who read this advice take it?
    Posted by LadyArkham[/QUOTE]

    <div>Who advised that you don't need a pap smear?  It is generally accepted  that all women between 21 and 30 have annual pelvic exams with pap smears, sexually active or not.</div><div>
    </div><div>And I think PP is right, we did recently have a thread about this.  I want to say one or two people did have their hymen broken by a dr.</div>
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:1e67ec51-b22e-4e63-a6da-d9bea6596b9a">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : Who advised that you don't need a pap smear?  It is generally accepted  that all women between 21 and 30 have annual pelvic exams with pap smears, sexually active or not. 
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>The American Cancer Society, etc., advise that all women of that age get pap smears for two reasons: 1) They assume that all women of that age are sexually active. They want to make sure that they "catch" women who don't understand that HPV can be transferred through all forms of genital contact, not just penetration. 2) They want women to get into the habit of getting a pap smear every year.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm a student pharmacist, halfway through my PharmD studies. While there is, theoretically, a miniscule chance that I could get HPV - and then cervical cancer - without having sexual contact with anyone, it is not at all likely. I don't feel that that insignificant risk is worth the discomfort and expense of a pap smear. </div><div>
    </div><div>It is, unfortunately, almost taboo for doctors to say that it's OK for anyone not to get screenings like that, because there are many people who don't believe they are at risk when they are, and lots of cases of cervical cancer go undiagnosed until it's too late. However, as an informed and non-sexually-active woman, I understand the benefits and consequences of pap smears, and choose not to get one.</div><div>
    </div><div>I've had a doctor confirm that this was true. I've also had a nurse practictioner give me a pap smear against my will, which is part of why I'm uncomfortable with OB/GYN exams. </div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yup, there was a thread a while ago on this.  Some women there advised for it, others said it wasn't necessary.  I think Sheet Music was also quoted!
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Definitely get a physical exam and a pap --- I have never gotten one before (and got one last week).  My doctor looked at me like I was CRAZY when I told her I had never gotten one before (and I'm 27 as of my birthday today!).  It's worth the temporary discomfort.  

    ETA: I'm like you -  no chance of sexually transmitted diseases, etc.  But I still got the HPV vaccine (it can't hurt, it can ONLY help), and the pap smear also allowed my doctor the chance to make sure that I'm sexually healthy so that there won't be any health problems once the wedding night happens (I'm also one who is waiting for marriage to have sex, which is a choice I made years ago).  That being said ... my philosophy on physical exams, ob/gyn exams, etc, is that with the way medicine has progressed, there isn't really a reason (to me) NOT to get the exam and to make sure everything is okay.  It's not just STD's that can cause problems down there -- the pap can also check for cancer, other problems associated with the female body, and for chemical imbalances.  Better to be safe and get the exam to have a problem down the road.  You'll want to get a pap on the doctor's schedule (usually every 2 years, I think), once you get married anyway.  

    If you are unsure about the Hymen issue, talk with your doctor when you get the pap.  They can tell you if your Hymen is thicker than most (and would be potentially more painful when it breaks due to sex).  My SIL had to get her Hymen removed surgically about a month before the wedding, not because of some fear about painful sex, but because for her, the Hymen was very thick and would likely be difficult and cause major pain for her.  
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
    image
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:81bdbbc2-228d-4f27-9ef3-f53b4dfea616">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]But I still got the HPV vaccine (it can't hurt, it can ONLY help), and the pap smear also allowed my doctor the chance to make sure that I'm sexually healthy so that there won't be any health problems once the wedding night happens 
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The HPV vaccine actually *can* hurt - people have bad reactions to the vaccination all the time. HPV can cause cervical cancer. The virus is virtually a  necessary component of cervical cancer - and it does not spread through means other than sexual contact. </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, the only thing a pap smear tests for is malignant cells. There's a difference between a physical examination of those parts, and a pap smear. I don't mind the advice that a physical exam is worthwhile, though I'd like to know what kinds of things they're looking for. </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sorry you've been encouraged to have unnecessary medical procedures. The existing guidelines and vaccinations are good for keeping people healthy on a population scale, but if someone isn't at all sexually active, they don't need either HPV vaccination or pap smears before they're sexually active. They're about as useful as paper toilet seat covers.</div><div>
    <div>[QUOTE]   If you are unsure about the Hymen issue, talk with your doctor when you get the pap.  They can tell you if your Hymen is thicker than most (and would be potentially more painful when it breaks due to sex).  My SIL had to get her Hymen removed surgically about a month before the wedding, not because of some fear about painful sex, but because for her, the Hymen was very thick and would likely be difficult and cause major pain for her.  
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Ok, thank you! That may be worth asking a doctor about. That and the issue of "vaginal dilation" were the things I was concerned about, and wondering what people's general experiences were. 

    </div></div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I had my first appointment and pap smear about 2 months ago, and it was uncomfortable for a few minutes, but there certainly wasn't any stetching or hymen breaking. She used a speculum during the long q-tip part, but it didn't hurt, so it wasn't stretching me really far or anything like that. It reminded me of the slight "oh this is bigger" sensation when I first had to use a super tampon instead of a regular :P

    Your original statement seems to ASSUME that gyno appt = stretching and that's not true.

    FI and I don't find any emotional significance in the idea of it being painful the first several times. We're interested in connection, intimacy and pleasure, not about how stretched or unstretched my hymen is beforehand. I believe you lose your virginity when you first have intercourse with someone, not when you do something that may stretch or tear your hymen.

    So while I certainly don't want the doctor to do it, I've been using my own fingertips to just push/pull outward right there at the surface. I think there are lots of things you can do at home to make it more comfortable on your wedding night.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Everyone's pain tolerane is different. I have never worn tampons and before being with DH, nothing had been 'up there'. From personal experience, losing my virginity was a little uncomfortable for the first few moments, but after that, it was fine. I'm not sure wanting to 'stretch out' should be so involved that a gyno appointment is made. As for pap smears, I'm healthy too, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get one every year. I don't mess around when it comes to my health and I take the stance of 'better safe than sorry'. I'm 23 and I get a mammogram ever 5 years, not because I'm unhealthy but because some women in my family died of breast cancer in their 40s. . And while they can be uncomfortable, I'd also like to point out that going to a OB/GYN is part of begin an adult female. Especially if you plan on ever having children.
    image
    Do the creep.
  • Options
    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In my personal opinion, getting "stretched" by the OB-GYN would be a waste of time. It's going to take a while for your body to stretch out and you will feel some pain. That's just how it is. One or 2 visits wouldn't stretch you out enough to resolve the problem.

    We all survive. : )

    If you're still having issues with it a month or two into it, then I would talk to your physician about the dilators. It's unlikely you'll actually need them. Most women who, at that point, still feel tight, are just clenching their muscles because of nerves.

    PS - I've read Sheet Music. It's a great book!
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:0358f148-7224-49c0-94c2-9bcaaf3bd0fa">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In my personal opinion, getting "stretched" by the OB-GYN would be a waste of time. It's going to take a while for your body to stretch out and you will feel some pain. That's just how it is. One or 2 visits wouldn't stretch you out enough to resolve the problem. We all survive. : ) If you're still having issues with it a month or two into it, then I would talk to your physician about the dilators. It's unlikely you'll actually need them. Most women who, at that point, still feel tight, are just clenching their muscles because of nerves. PS - I've read Sheet Music. It's a great book!
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]
    I completely agree with this. I don't think it's necessary to go and see if you need to get stretched out.

    I did NOT get the HPV vaccine bc I am not sexually active, so I agree with you there. I do think that it is a good idea to get a PAP - we are supposed to have one to make sure your horomone levels are normal. 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry you were examed againdst your will.

    Istarted a thread a while ago that ended up on this topic.  http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2011-weddings
    I don't know If the link works, but I started the tread March 4 Modesty and Travel.

    I don't go to the gyn either.  Besides the fact that I think that no one besides FH should see that part of me, I also have HUGE issues with people touching me.  Like you, I have practically zero chance of having HPV, so I'm not particularly concerned about cervical cancer.  I have no problem using tampons (sorry, TMI), which makes me assume everything is ok in there to fit a certain male part.  The vagina is designed to stretch, so as long as you go slowly, after a few times everything should be ok w/your H.

    Frankly, it makes me angry how Pap smear and pelvic exams are forced on women.  Statistically, I have a greater chance of getting lung cancer, but no one is advocating a yearly test for that.  Women in our age group (assuming you're in your 20s) are more likely to be diagnosed with skin cancer than cervical cancer.  To me it makes more sense to me to get checked for something you have a real risk for - not what other people *think* you should do.
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:3fb2c3b9-ebd9-4698-970a-5935876f73c8">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : I completely agree with this. I don't think it's necessary to go and see if you need to get stretched out. I did NOT get the HPV vaccine bc I am not sexually active, so I agree with you there. I do think that it is a good idea to get a PAP - we are supposed to have one to make sure your horomone levels are normal. 
    Posted by joyfulbride424[/QUOTE]

    <div>PAP smears have nothing to do with hormone levels, but glad we agree on everything else!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>And thank you, everybody, for your input and advice. Right now, I'm thinking I probably won't have a special exam done to check things out - people have been getting by without 'em for years - but I may reconsider when we get a few months closer to the wedding night.</div><div>
    </div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    BeazillaBeazilla member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:e3f3e7fb-6b26-4570-aee2-94b13840575b">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : The American Cancer Society, etc., advise that all women of that age get pap smears for two reasons: 1) They assume that all women of that age are sexually active. They want to make sure that they "catch" women who don't understand that HPV can be transferred through all forms of genital contact, not just penetration. 2) They want women to get into the habit of getting a pap smear every year. I'm a student pharmacist, halfway through my PharmD studies. While there is, theoretically, a miniscule chance that I could get HPV - and then cervical cancer - without having sexual contact with anyone, it is not at all likely. I don't feel that that insignificant risk is worth the discomfort and expense of a pap smear.  It is, unfortunately, almost taboo for doctors to say that it's OK for anyone not to get screenings like that, because there are many people who don't believe they are at risk when they are, and lots of cases of cervical cancer go undiagnosed until it's too late. However, as an informed and non-sexually-active woman, I understand the benefits and consequences of pap smears, and choose not to get one. I've had a doctor confirm that this was true. I've also had a nurse practictioner give me a pap smear against my will, which is part of why I'm uncomfortable with OB/GYN exams. 
    Posted by LadyArkham[/QUOTE]

    While HPV is responsible for the majority of cervical cancer cases, you can still get cervical cancer without ever having gotten HPV. You should also get an annual exam for checking your the health of your uterus, ovaries, breasts, and other organ systems. Frankly, I'm concerned by someone studying in a healthcare field, pharmacy in your case, who doesn't believe in getting wellness exams just because she doesn't have a single risk factor.
    image
  • Options
    IndeedIndeed member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]While HPV is responsible for the majority of cervical cancer cases, you can still get cervical cancer without ever having gotten HPV.
    Posted by Beazilla[/QUOTE]
    Based on an (admittedly) little bit of internet research, that doesn't really seem to be meaningfully true.  (Without speaking to the rest of your post.)<div>
    </div><div>So, for instance: The journal paper <span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">"Human papillomavirus is a necessary cause of invasive cervical cancer worldw</span><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">ide" at </span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/(SICI)1096-9896(199909)189:1%3C12::AID-PATH431%3E3.0.CO;2-F/abstract">http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/(SICI)1096-9896(199909)189:1%3C12::AID-PATH431%3E3.0.CO;2-F/abstract</a> argues basically exactly what the title says - that if any cases of cervical cancer absent HPV do exist, they're well under 1% of the total.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">Likewise, the US Preventative Services Task Force, which seems to be one of the big recommenders here, lists its recommendations</span><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"> at</span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="text-decoration:underline;font-weight:normal;color:#579bc3;" href="http://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/3rduspstf/cervcan/cervcanrr.htm#clinical">http://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/</a></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="text-decoration:underline;font-weight:normal;color:#579bc3;" href="http://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/3rduspstf/cervcan/cervcanrr.htm#clinical">3rduspstf/cervcan/cervcanrr.htm#clinical</a>  Of note: "<span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Although there is little value in screenin</span></span>g women who have never been sexually active, many U.S. organizations recommend routine screening by age 18 or 21 for all women, based on the generally high prevalence of sexual activity by that age in the U.S. and concerns that clinicians may not always obtain accurate sexual histories."  So they pretty explicitly require it because you might lie to them about having sex, and they'd rather treat the honest people unnecessarily than skip over the folks who lie.  I don't know that I can blame them for that - but if you're honest and informed, doesn't seem to be much need to participate in it.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">They also pretty clearly state, "</span><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">HPV is a necessary but insufficient precursor of squamous cell carcinoma of the cervix" - i.e., having HPV may not give you cervical cancer, but you won't get cervical cancer without it.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:small;color:#000000;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></span></div><div><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:12px;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">Admittedly, again, that's a pretty brief investigation of the subject - are there sources you know of that offer strong evidence the other direction?</span></font></div>
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I feel that I should chime in.  I have been seeing an OB/GYN AT LEAST once a year since I was 15.  I have hormonal imbalances and suspected PCOS and need to take BC pills to function normally.  I don't know what I would do without my yearly reassurance that I don't have cysts on my ovaries, that my hormone levels are normal, that I can start a new pill if I don't like my current one, that I have no lumps in my breasts, etc.  I consider it absolutely vital to see my OB/GYN.  I have had years where that is literally the only doctor appointment I had the whole year.

    As far as my hymen goes, I had my hymen stretched *accidentally* by an OB/GYN.  It hurt, I bled for a couple days, and I am so glad I don't have to deal with that on my wedding night.
    image imageimage image

    My Blog

    Anniversary

    100/100 books read in 2012
    17/100 books read in 2013
  • Options
    iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The only thing I would say about OB/GYN is that you should absolutely pick a doctor that you are comfortable with.  It makes so much difference.  I see a Physician's Assistant for my GYN and I really like her.  She is so gentle and I barely feel anything during my exam.  A good doctor can put you at ease so that you relax and if you are relaxed, it will be a lot more comfortable.  I actually hate going to the dentist so much more! 
    image
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:70547cb0-fa0f-4fd6-8606-5b40538ad0b0">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? :  You should also get an annual exam for checking your the health of your uterus, ovaries, breasts, and other organ systems. Frankly, I'm concerned by someone studying in a healthcare field, pharmacy in your case, who doesn't believe in getting wellness exams just because she doesn't have a single risk factor.
    Posted by Beazilla[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't believe in getting PAP SMEARS  because I don't have a single risk factor. If you'd like to argue why someone should, I'd be interested in hearing if there is an argument for it. </div><div>
    </div><div>I don't LIKE getting OB/GYN exams. I have never said that I don't believe in getting them yearly. I believe in getting a physical yearly, a flu shot yearly, an OB/GYN exam yearly, dental cleanings at least every six months, etc. etc. etc. This is what I in my position as a medical professional will advise people to do. It doesn't always happen for me, due to insurance issues or personal discomfort or whatever. I believe in going to the gym 3+ times a week and getting >7 hours of sleep every night as well, but that doesn't always happen either.
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I have mentioned several different kinds of exams and procedures in this thread, and people seem to either conflate them, or think that I am.  These are what I have talked about:</div><div>
    </div><div>1) A pre-sexual exam to look at vaginal diameter and hymen to see if either needs to be adjusted before sex. This is mentioned in the book "Sheet Music" as a necessary procedure to prevent pain on the wedding night.</div><div>
    </div><div>2) A Pap smear. I think I've made my position on these clear.</div><div>
    </div><div>3) OB/GYN exam. I never actually intended to talk about regular, yearly check-ups. I mentioned that I hate them and am uncomfortable with them only to emphasize how little I want to do #1 if it's not necessary. </div><div>
    </div><div>Does that settle everything?</div><div>
    </div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    LadyArkhamLadyArkham member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:28eb878a-e1eb-4bb1-bdf6-89961dc81176">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only thing I would say about OB/GYN is that you should absolutely pick a doctor that you are comfortable with.  It makes so much difference.  I see a Physician's Assistant for my GYN and I really like her.  She is so gentle and I barely feel anything during my exam.  A good doctor can put you at ease so that you relax and if you are relaxed, it will be a lot more comfortable.  I actually hate going to the dentist so much more! 
    Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is definitely not the experiences I've had so far. Maybe I've just been using the wrong doctors! How did you find yours?</div>
    Visit Purple.weddings.com
  • Options
    LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Just to add another point of view...I got the HPV vaccine before I was too old for it. I figured, you just never know where life will take you, and I'd hate to not take a precaution available to me just because at that point in time I wasn't at risk. What if DH cheats on me? Not like I'm expecting it, but it could happen. What if we don't work out, and I end up marrying again, someone who might have been exposed? HPV is hard to detect in men, which is why it's so important, in my opinion, to be vigilant about such things.

    I'd think the "stretching" wouldn't do much. Color me skeptical, but it's designed to stretch and it doesn't stay stretched very long...

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:ef9d505b-0e7b-4aea-ba76-b5e22b027901">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : That is definitely not the experiences I've had so far. Maybe I've just been using the wrong doctors! How did you find yours?
    Posted by LadyArkham[/QUOTE]

    I agree with Joesgurl - and the way I found mine is by a recommendation from a friend who trusted this woman. I am really sorry you had a bad experience - that might be a huge factor in why you don't like that particular wellness exam. The lady I have is so nice and very calming, I was so nervous the first time I went and she was like "oh hun, no big deal, it'll be over in a minute or two" and then talked to me about regular life to distract me while it was all going on. I barely felt anything. Do you have any friends that have gone to the OBGYN that like their doctors? Coworkers that you're close with at all? Even your Mom or future mother in law?
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I think LadyArkham is choosing to do what's comfortable for her, and I respect that.  I just hope that as a medical professional, she won't be pushing her personal experiences about pap smears on any other women because obviously, as this thread has shown, being anti-pap smear is a bit taboo.

    Also, we can't begin to know the sexual history of other women.  Or their partner's sexual history, which is important in the transmission of HPV, much like LuluP said. 

    My BFF's mother (in her late 50s) developed cervical cancer a few years ago.  Married to the same man for 30+ years.  This is why I take realistic approaches to my health.  The major risk factor for me is that I am sexually active.  Point blank.

    DH and I are honest with each other, but no woman will ever know with 100% absolute certainty that their spouse never ever ever had any kind of sexual contact with anyone else before.  By the same token, my DH is faithful to me in our marriage.  But better men than him have strayed from their wives.  I am optimistic about my marriage and trust my DH (it's not as though we live in a constant state of fear about cheating), but I'm not naive about the demons and temptations that are out there in the world.  For both him and me.  It's not just men.
    image
    Do the creep.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Echoing what joesgurl said -- I also found a PA I loved rather than "the" Ob/Gyn.  She made me very comfortable with the whole process.  She was highly recommended by a friend and by the doctor's office I usually visit.  Regardless of how you feel about certain medical procedures (and I totally respect that!), IMHO, it is crucial to find a doctor you are comfortable with, no matter what the procedure is.  I had this doctor once that I just didn't feel comfortable with him examining a mole I wasn't sure about, so I changed doctors.  Patient's right!!! :-)  

    OP, do what you feel is best for your body -- I don't think anyone really wants to argue with you on that, but I do think that a lot of PP's are just trying to share from their own experience why they felt like certain medical appointments or procedures are or were important to them at the time.  No arguing from me!  Just a friendly thought about the exams you mentioned from Sheet Music.  

    My FI and I are reading Sheet Music, along with "God and Sex" (Daniel Akin) and while it's an awkward topic for a couple that has saved themselves for marriage, it's still an important one.  :-) 

    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
    image
  • Options
    IndeedIndeed member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]I think LadyArkham is choosing to do what's comfortable for her, and I respect that.  I just hope that as a medical professional, she won't be pushing her personal experiences about pap smears on any other women because obviously, as this thread has shown, being anti-pap smear is a bit taboo. 
    Posted by louieblue[/QUOTE]
    Hm.  Does that matter, though?<div>
    </div><div>I mean, LadyArkham said pretty clearly upthread that she understands and advises according to medical standards, so I think that concern can be safely disregarded.  This seems to be less a matter of experiences than medical fact, though; if people who have had no sexual contact don't get cervical cancer, is there any merit in advising them to get pap smears?  Does it matter that advising "You don't need one under these circumstances," is, as you note, "a bit taboo?"</div><div>
    </div><div>Now, as you say, you can't know another person's history, and they may be unable to perfectly know the history of their partners - unless they have none!  So telling people "You shouldn't have this done" would be bad, sure - but again, I don't see anyone advocating that.  Hypothetically, what's the harm in telling people, "You should have a pap smear, if <conditions>"?</div>
  • Options
    LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:c526d093-bc18-49c9-98ae-30f9cf159c64">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hm.  Does that matter, though? I mean, LadyArkham said pretty clearly upthread that she understands and advises according to medical standards, so I think that concern can be safely disregarded.  This seems to be less a matter of experiences than medical fact, though; if people who have had no sexual contact don't get cervical cancer, is there any merit in advising them to get pap smears?  Does it matter that advising "You don't need one under these circumstances," is, as you note, "a bit taboo?" Now, as you say, you can't know another person's history, and they may be unable to perfectly know the history of their partners - unless they have none!  So telling people "You shouldn't have this done" would be bad, sure - but again, I don't see anyone advocating that.  Hypothetically, what's the harm in telling people, "You should have a pap smear, if <conditions />"?
    Posted by Indeed[/QUOTE]

    I dont think having a pap smear is necessary until you're sexually active. In fact, my OB/GYN said that I didn't need to have one unless I wanted one before I was sexually active. However, I do think that saying you don't need one once you are just because you're married or that you shouldn't get the HPV vaccine, which has an age limitation for effectiveness, just because you're both virgins and you're getting married, is silly.

    Point is, you never know. There are no HPV tests for men. You have no idea what will happen in the future.

    I'm 30 years old. When the HPV vaccine came out, I was 26. My mom called and said she was encouraging all of us girls to go get it, and would pay for it. My MIL (then, my boyfriend's mom) told him that she didn't think I needed to get that as it was only for girls with "loose morals" and that she wasn't "letting" his 26 year old sister get it for that reason. I find that silly...You never know in life what's going to happen. Heck, you could get raped (obviously I'm not wishing divorce, cheating husbands or rape on anyone but my point is, it was worth the prevention to me).

    My BFF didn't get it because she was already married. Guess what...now she's divorced. Even if she waits for sex until she marries again... If she remarries and the next guy isn't a virgin, she's at risk and there's nothing she can do about it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_sheet-music-advised-medical-exam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08406d7e-3773-44e3-9785-0e53bcca295bPost:c526d093-bc18-49c9-98ae-30f9cf159c64">Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hm.  Does that matter, though? I mean, LadyArkham said pretty clearly upthread that she understands and advises according to medical standards, so I think that concern can be safely disregarded.  This seems to be less a matter of experiences than medical fact, though; if people who have had no sexual contact don't get cervical cancer, is there any merit in advising them to get pap smears?  Does it matter that advising "You don't need one under these circumstances," is, as you note, "a bit taboo?" Now, as you say, you can't know another person's history, and they may be unable to perfectly know the history of their partners - unless they have none!  So telling people "You shouldn't have this done" would be bad, sure - but again, I don't see anyone advocating that.  Hypothetically, what's the harm in telling people, "You should have a pap smear, if <conditions />"?
    Posted by Indeed[/QUOTE]

    Indeed, your profile was created 2 days ago and you've only responded to this thread. It's funny that you are from the same area and have the same wedding date as LadyArkham.  Interesting.   

    Anyway, LadyArkham also used the word 'taboo' first, or maybe that was forgotten?  She just stated the American Cancer Society's stance on pap smears, she never said she thinks it right or that she would advise others to follow the suggestions.  I'm not sure what your angle is Indeed, considering I said I respect that she is doing what makes her comfortable.  Also, nobody on this thread has said that they believe a woman who has never had sexual contact should get a pap smear.  We very well know what pap smears are for.  I simply would like to know what these non-sexually active women will do about pap smears once they become sexually active.  I wasn't before I was married and I don't pretend to know with 100% certainty that my husband never had any sort of sexual contact before me.

    I would ask again, how do you know for certain that a partner has no sexual history?  One can only be certain of their own history.  So once a person becomes sexually active, yes, I think pap smears are necessary.  I will be brazen and say that I believe that we are all agreeing that those who are completely abstinent don't need pap smears, but all the arguing and throwing out of sources against pap smears just makes me think these are all excuses for those who are scared of the procedure and nothing more.  I said nothing that does not have a basis in fact.

    Arkham made it clear that she has no past sexual history.  But she also said that she fears going to the gyno for appointments.  I think many other ladies on this board were concerned that even after becoming sexually active, she would still believe that she was not at risk.  It doesn't matter whether someone's had one partner or many, once a person begins having sex, they are putting themselves at risk.  To believe otherwise is just naive. There is no true safe sex except to abstain.  It doesn't matter one bit that someone is a virgin on their wedding night.  Because their partner very well could not be.  The point most women are making is that any female who has had sex 1 time or more is at risk (married or not).  I think LuluP made some wonderful points above this response. 

    Also, I'm pretty certain that most doctors would tell a woman, as you said ""You should have a pap smear, if <conditions />" anyway.  That's all I would ever assume a doctor to tell a patient.  So are we agreeing or disagreeing?  <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '07b3c962-8f65-4cec-b05f-0b04da0b33c3', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/0/07b3c962-8f65-4cec-b05f-0b04da0b33c3.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

    This is just the Internet and obviously no one has changed anyone else's mind.  So there's no point to banter back and forth.  I hope LadyArkham got her question answered and that she will always take her sexual health seriously.
    image
    Do the creep.
  • Options
    IndeedIndeed member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Sheet Music" advised medical exam? : Indeed, your profile was created 2 days ago and you've only responded to this thread. It's funny that you are from the same area and have the same wedding date as LadyArkham.  Interesting.[/QUOTE]<div>*grins*  Egad, you have seen through my clever anonymity!  Yup, I'm her fiance.  Hi!  Nice to meet you.</div><div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]Anyway, LadyArkham also used the word 'taboo' first, or maybe that was forgotten?[/QUOTE]</div><div>That's cool.  I was just quoting, not trying to imply it was a bad word choice - so, you were referring to "taboo for doctors to mention," then?</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]She just stated the American Cancer Society's stance on pap smears, she never said she thinks it right or that she would advise others to follow the suggestions.  I'm not sure what your angle is Indeed, considering I said I respect that she is doing what makes her comfortable.[/QUOTE]</div><div>No specific angle - I just didn't understand what you were saying in that paragraph.  To be clear: your point is that sexually at-risk people should get pap smears, and you hope she'd tell people as much?  I think everyone is in agreement, then - at first glance, I'm not seeing any suggestion that they're unnecessary except before people are sexually active by anyone upthread.</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]Also, nobody on this thread has said that they believe a woman who has never had sexual contact should get a pap smear.[/QUOTE]</div><div>Hm.  It looks like DramaGeek and kellya01 both suggested as much, either as the generally accepted thing to do or as a cancer/chemical imbalance detector, respectively.  If I'm misreading either, apologies!</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]So once a person becomes sexually active, yes, I think pap smears are necessary.  I will be brazen and say that I believe that we are all agreeing that those who are completely abstinent don't need pap smears, but all the arguing and throwing out of sources against pap smears just makes me think these are all excuses for those who are scared of the procedure and nothing more.[/QUOTE]</div><div>I like sources.  They give me some basis to be proven wrong about - which gives me at least some hope of being proved right!</div></div>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards