Change Last Name??

SeleenaJuliet

How do you all feel about changing your last name??  I'm really on the fence with this issue.  I like my last name and I've had it all my life... I don't think I see the point in adopting a new identity.  Besides in most Latin American countries, women don't change their names when they get married.  However, he would like me to take his last name.

WFH

To me, changin my last name is like a sign, that I belong to him:) As it is in Bible - a woman leaves behind her mother and father and holds to her husband:)

If it is still so hard for you to lose your maiden name, then have both. I don't know if it is possible in your country, but here, in Estonia, it is:) You can have 2names (for instance - Oak-Maple or so:D

Brashley08

To me, changin my last name is like a sign, that I belong to him:) As it is in Bible - a woman leaves behind her mother and father and holds to her husband:)

That was worded perfectly. My family hates the fact that I'm taking his last name (Gonzalez). But to me, it was never an option, I always knew I wanted his. When I told FI I wanted his last name he was SO happy, and said that to him it showed that I was proud to be his, and to be in our family.
If I were you I would ask your FI how he feels about it, and come to a compromise. Maybe use a hyphen, or change your now last name, to your middle name, like if your name was susan jane doe, and FI's last name is Smith:
Susan Doe Smith.

HTH!!

jrpetrik

Never in doubt. We both have a rather strong dislike for the symbolism inherent to not changing the name. I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm rather partial to mine since being the daughter of immigrant parents is a big deal to me.

katanne9

I never second-thought changing my last name - but I know it's not for everyone. However, IMO, I think it makes situations easier for children when their parents have the same last night. Also, I want to be a family unit with all the same last name.


But, you can always keep it and have 2 middle names. ex. Cindy Anne Jones Smith and go socially by Cindy Smith

SeleenaJuliet

My screen name is actually my middle name and I think it's beautiful just the way it is.  My last name is French and it's a huge part of my identity.  His last name is Spanish and unusual and difficult to spell.  In my opinion, I don't belong to him, we belong to each other.  I was actually thinking we could give the kids both last names.... a marriage of two people from two cultures.

bethsmiles

Hi I'm new on this board but I thought I'd chime in anyway. I totally agree with what you are saying about belonging to each other and if your name has special meaning to you then you shouldn't have to change it. I'm going to change mine because its boring and not unique at all and I don't really like it but its a personal decision and if you will regret changing it then I think you should keep it

Oh and I love your name...its beautiful. I wouldn't want to take out my middle name either if I were you! I think your idea about having your kids use both names is a great compromise

Jeffie86

I never thought twice about changing mine.  My identity is not in my last name...it's just what people call me.

I also really like what the previous post said about belonging to my husband, etc.  Also, it would create more unity in our family, I think, with all of us having one last name. 

I totally understand where you're coming from, but I'm just not too concerned about my name in that way, I guess.

iamjoesgurl

After having the same name for 38 years, I didn't even think twice about changing it.  I wanted to share my last name with my husband.  Why does your FI want you to take his name?  Maybe you could talk to him more about that.  The pps were correct in saying that the Bible talks about the importance of wives submitting to their husbands.  If it is really important to him, I think it would be worth praying about it and possibly agreeing to it.

SeleenaJuliet

I think he wants me to take his name because it's the "American" thing to do.  He's Mexican-American and grew up here in the states.  I think he believes that is what every other American does.  However, he has two sister's who are married and neither changed their names because that's their culture.  When you have children, each parent gives the paternal last name to the kids.  So if my name was Seleena Washington Jefferson and his name David Lopez Garcia, the kid's name would be John Washington Lopez.  Although I'm not of Latino descent, I really like how they do that.  I don't know if it's possible but can I just add his last name and not drop mine?

jacki_sue

All things are lawful, not all are beneficial.

I love my last name, but I can't wait to change it to my husband's.  We are one.

J

SuMmErKuTiE

I never thought twice about taking FI's name. I always knew when I got married, I'd take my husbands last name so we could be a social and family unit. When I have children, I want them to have the same last name as both of their parents.

If you are so tied to your maiden name why not keep it as your middle name or hyphen it?

Rhoyal_1

I am on and off this board.  You could definately add his last name and keep your birth given name!  BTW- my middle name is Selena also!  We just have different spellings.
Oh, and I am taking FIs last name.  For me it is not the American thing to do, it is a biblical principle.

SeleenaJuliet

My sister and I both have two middle names because neither of my parents have middle names so they wanted to double us up!!  Hahaha, I think I plan to keep the tradition going and give my kids my last name as their second middle name.  I've always liked having a racially ambiguous name but I guess that's going to have to change.

marinabreeze

I'm not sure if submission means having to give up your name.  Not every culture is into women changing their last names (e.g. a number of Asian cultures come to mind).  That is more "Western" than "Christian."  And while the Bible talks about submission, there is nothing specific in there about changing one's name...symbolism does not equal moral obligation.  Even when the Bible talks about leaving one's mother and father, that is not only for the wife but also for the husband.  So I think it's up to you but consult with your future husband on it.  I choose to change my name because I admit I do like the symbolism of it, I am also not far enough along in my career that I've made a name for myself, and my name is very plain and I have no attachment to it.  But I think ti's up to each person to figure out what will work for them.

heyimbren

i'm not getting married (yet) but i've been thinking about this myself actually.

it wasn't until i met my current boyfriend that i realized i would love to change my last name for my husband.
as others have said, i just adore the symbolism of it. and i like the traditional idea of it as well.
before i had decided that, i was dead-set against taking anyone's last name. i wanted to keep my own. i didn't even want to combine two names.
i do love my last name, and in my community my family is very large and fairly well-known in different circles. in particular, i want to be a lawyer (just like my grandfather and uncle who have my last name) and wanted to keep the family tradition with that as others joke that its our "legal dynasty".

but then i realized that i had a bit of a pride issue of my last name. i'm not saying that's the same situation with anyone else, just my personal experience.

i also like combining two names, but i already have two middle names and 5 names for one person seemed like a bit much to me