Need some advice

jaycee7389

FI was raised Christian, however his father is now atheist. He really looks up to his father, even at the age of 27, and sometimes it is concerning in regards to his faith. FI's father believes in Karma, Buddhism, Feng Shui, and other practices I don't really understand. FI's father has been attempting to incorporate these practices in our home and relationship, such as putting mirrors places and buying us a water fountain with the intention of warding off evil spirits and building good karma or something. I don't think FI realizes that this is not Christian, and that it is in a way worshiping someone/something who is not God.

Does anyone have advice on how to talk to FI about this?

Thanks!

iamjoesgurl

Does your FI have a pastor he trusts or another spiritual leader in his life that he trusts?  He might just not want to hurt his father's feelings or close the door on his relationship with his father.  I think it would help for him to talk to someone who can advise him on this situation and how to handle it. 

If his father is an athiest, it seems like he wouldn't believe in the spiritual realm at all.  Perhaps a pastor could help your FI to know how to interact with his father in a way that is loving and Christ-like, but also a way that allows him to be bold in proclaiming his own beliefs.

It is sad when a believer decides not to follow God anymore.  I hope that you and your FI can be a positive influence on his dad and that through your influence, he will come back to Christ someday.

jaycee7389

Well FI is a Christian, that's the thing. He has never said anything to make me doubt his faith, it's just that he doesn't seem to understand that what his father is doing is "un-Christian"..if you know what I mean.

His father doesn't believe in any higher power or god, he believes in nature and that type of thing. I think it's hard for FI to accept that his father is no longer Christian.

Ash61612

I like Lisa's suggestion. Does he have a pastor or someone he can talk to? 

Ash61612

I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with FI. This is a big issue that needs to get settled. Does he accept that you are Christian? 

I will be praying for y'all

FaithCaitlin

Ditto Ashley.

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious talk. I don't mean to sound rude but this is an issue you two need to resolve before marriage. 

I will be praying for you both!

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08eec39a-b70e-47c9-a93d-2e5252004e6ePost:e72800e2-030c-47a1-83ab-7a5eefdfa8a7">Re: Need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Ashley. It sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious talk.<strong> I don't mean to sound rude but this is an issue you two need to resolve before marriage. </strong> I will be praying for you both!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]
I was thinking the same thing but didn't know how to say it. They say religion is one of the main things both parties need to be in the same boat. How would you explain religion to your children?

sessionswedding

Honestly, I think items only have the value you ascribe to them.  So if your FFIL put a mirror in your house, think of it as a place to check your hair for frizzies and not a place to reflect your spirit to the universe or whatever.  A fountain is a pretty water sculpture, not a talisman to ward off evil spirits.

As for your FI accepting his father's belief system, you'll have to talk to him about that.

mrandmrsbrist

If I were in this situation, I'd let FFIL know that I don't appreciate him placing things in my home and that I'd like it if he checked with me before he did it the next time. And I'd be upfront about the fact that I don't share his beliefs. His beliefs are his beliefs, not yours. But that's just me...

You need to talk to your FI about this. Ask him if he believes what your FFIL believes is true or if he is just lovingly accepting his father. There's a huuuge difference.

LittleBigO

Everyone already said what I was going to lol.

I might add, make sure FFIL knows you both love him very much and respect him, however, you can agree to disagree.    That's my 2 cents lol.

AllyG303

Okay, the way I'm reading this is that FI is a Christian, his father is not, and his father is placing things in your home with maybe good intentions on his part (not necessarily to separate you guys from God, but maybe to bring good that he has found through his own beliefs into your lives), but it is overstepping the boundary since he is bringing things in that don't represent what your faith in God is about. 

You already know that you need to talk to FI about this, but your question was how. 

Maybe start in a casual conversation about what he thinks of the new pieces (be it a mirror or a fountain) "hey FI, what do you think of x that your dad brought over?" and see what he says.  If he says something like he thinks it adds ambience or likes the decor, then I don't think you really have anything to worry about.  If he mentions something about how he feels more at peace with it there, or he really feels like it calms the space, then that might be another story. 

I realize that those examples of responses aren't the typical guy response to questions, but all I'm saying is see how he reacts to the question to see if the pieces give him the same ideas that his dad has, or if they're just new decor in your home to him. 

If he seems to have the same feelings as his dad about those things, that's where you can mention that you might not like to have them in your home because it takes away the focus from God.  I think if you were to bring that up if he just felt that they were decorative things, then it might seem to him like you are bashing who is dad is, which would be hurtful to him since he looks up to his dad. 

jaycee7389

Thank you all, you gave me some really great suggestions on how to handle the situation!

naomikb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:08eec39a-b70e-47c9-a93d-2e5252004e6ePost:7f03a773-b382-43a5-8b1c-5cf9aa147756">Re: Need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Honestly, I think items only have the value you ascribe to them.  So if your FFIL put a mirror in your house, think of it as a place to check your hair for frizzies and not a place to reflect your spirit to the universe or whatever.  A fountain is a pretty water sculpture, not a talisman to ward off evil spirits. As for your FI accepting his father's belief system, you'll have to talk to him about that.</strong>
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]
I agree with all of this.  If your FI isn't believing about warding off evil spirits or other non-Christian beliefs, I wouldn't worry about it too much.  Personally, if it makes your FFIL happy to do things, it might hurt your relationship with him more to tell him you don't want the mirror.

That all being said, it sounds like it's time for a sit-down chat with your FI and/or your FFIL about things that go on in <em>your </em>house. (I'm assuming he doesn't live with you)

sister2groom

I don't know, people bringing talismans or other things related to other spirits into my home really freaks me out. If you're a believer, the devil/demons cannot posess you or anything like that, but I personally wouldn't want to mess around with giving the devil any footholds. And I was always under the impression that using anything other than God or His word to ward off spirits actually gives them opportunities to get footholds.

I've definitely heard of homes that have to be prayed over, I'm not sure about items, but demonic influences are not something to be taken lightly and lthough I can't know for sure the impact these things could have I really would not want to chance it.

ravenray

I'll be praying for you Jaycee!  I think you just talking to him about how they make you uncomfortable.  Also it isn't ok for you FFIL to be bringing things into your home that make you uncomfortable.  You may want your FI to talk to his dad about that.  *hugs*  GL and update us on what he says!

RyansBelovedBride

I guess I would a) ask FI what he thinks about them as a pp suggested and b) see if any of this might confuse guests in your home. What I mean is, is anything blatantly non-Christian? Because you don't want to confuse these non-Christian things with Christian practices, and even if you two know it's innocent you don't want to have a visitor to your house think "Huh. I know they're good Christians and yet they seem to believe in these new age practices, I guess those things are compatible."  I'd err on the side of caution and not have them in my home... except you don't want to alienate your FFIL from relationship..

The best advice is for you two to pray about it and see how you feel God wants you to proceed. He knows more than you two what's in your hearts, your FFIL's heart, and in the heart of all your visitors. Go with whatever decision gives you peace when you pray about it. You can't go wrong with God!

RadDaniC

Gonna apologize ahead of time, since this is a long post and I kinda ramble towards the end.
This makes me think about in the Bible when some believers were not comfortable eating the meat that had been sacrificed to idol gods while others just saw it as meat and were fine with eating it.  It all boils down to what your and FI's convictions are concerning this.  If you both just think of it as things (as a pp said), then it's just that - things.  But if either of you think there could actually be more to it, then it should go.  Also, I would make sure to thank FFIL for the DECORATIONS, not talismans or whatever he would refer to them as, making sure he knows what you both see them as if you decide to keep them.  That way, he is not hurt, but he knows where you stand.  If it seems that he believes you both actually think these things work as he intends, then that situation would need to be addressed however you deem appropriate, whether that be getting rid of said items or having a sit down convo with FFIL explaining yours and FI's beliefs and how these items have no spiritual significance to you whatsoever. But other than what pps have said, I don't think there would be an 'easy way' to go about this convo, since it is a serious topic to you, and reasonably so.  Faith and convictions are serious stuff and should not be taken lightly, so I applaud you for recognizing a possible problem and not shrugging it off.  PRAYER IS KEY HERE, and especially for your FFIL concerning his salvation.  Items are one thing... they will break, get lost, lose value.  A soul is another... that's forever. He would be my main focus, if I were you.  (Not saying that you aren't concerned or anything , just making sure that's put out there, just in case!)