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It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)

So far, wedding planning has been fun and positive, with only a few hiccups. I've heard about brides getting burned out and I've even given advice to others, but didn't think it would happend to me. Wrong! Today, something happened. I'm not sure what exactly, but I think everything just has been building and it just slammed both FI and I in the face. We both felt it today.

We're down to 5 months and still have sooo much to plan, we have a super tight budget so decision-making is difficult, and FI is dealing with some groomsmen issues b/c 1 is having a baby the week of the wedding, and 3 have another major event going on the day before and they live out of state, so getting here ontime will be a challenge (and it's too late to change the date - we debated that).

So my FI was getting very stressed about his groomsmen and I was getting stressed over the money issue and the fact that our guest list has climbed to 200 again (after cutting it back to 165!) and . . . . well, I'm sure you guys know the feeling. So today, wedding planning became NOT fun anymore. I was in tears. FI came over after work and we talked about it - turns out he had cried earlier today too, which is not normal for him. We realized that we had to make some difficult decisions. We had two options: (1) borrow money and go into debt (which we agreed not to do in the beginning), or (2) cut the guest list again, just do finger foods instead of a full meal, and cut the DJ/dancing. It was one of the hardest things we had to do, but we decided to make the cuts.
 
We worked on the guest list and this time, we got it down to 140. We're going to do an afternoon ceremony followed by fingerfoods and fellowship. We'll definitely use the church fellowship hall, not a separate venue, to save on costs.
We might still have a first dance or something b/c we can play music from the sound system, but we may or may not be able to do a full dance floor.

I feel a lot better b/c the burden of possible debt and all the extra details that comes with added guests, has been lifted, but it was very hard to cut some of our guests b/c we have a lot of friends and family. In the end, our closest friends/family will be there and we can afford it. Cutting the list was one of the hardest things we had to do, but I'm thankful that the Lord gave us the strength to work together as a team and get it done. Now we can sleep peacefully, thank you Lord!

Re: It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)

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    I'm glad you're restored to peace! It sounds like you two did the right thing for you and your situation.
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    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
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    I'm so sorry that you guys were so stressed and upset today. I think that's very normal (from what I've been hearing all over the knot in general). But the good thing is you guys seem like you are going to have a wonderful marriage.... you communicated about it and came to a solution! And you made a smart decision to not enter into debt for a wedding. I'm sure it seems overwhelming right now (I'm not at the 5 month mark or even that close yet) but it's all for a wonderful purpose... you guys starting your lives together as husband and wife... it'll all be worth it. And your wedding sounds wonderful... good food, good people... that's all you need Laughing
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    I'm sorry that you are stressed :-(  I remember getting that way too, and H and I had to be very deliberate about planning dates and not talking about the wedding.  It's easy to let the details consume you.

    As far as the dancing, if you guys have an iPod or computer and the church has a sound system, you should still be able to have a dance.  Just play the music that way.  You don't even have to have a designated dance floor.  We had a very small dance floor, and a lot of people just danced on the carpet on the sides of it.  It might be a way to have your cake and eat it too (assuming the church allows dancing; ours did)
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    Sorry to hear that happened!  Unfortunately, I think this hits almost all brides.  I had a bad case of stress and unhappiness right before my wedding.  I pretty much planned the entire wedding on my own and did it from cross country, and I often found myself in tears in the month before the wedding.  I basically went from loving weddings and being crazy about them to absolutely despising weddings and wanting to elope.  

    When things became overwhelming for me, I had to delegate them to DH or my mom.  I also tried taking a break to feel better, where I didn't have to think about weddings at all.  But the good thing is that on my actual wedding day, I forgot all the stresses and started to feel excited again (though I felt very tired and burnt out on the big day).  

    Yeah, cutting the guest list is a difficult decision.  But it was the right one, I think.  Many guests understand how brides have budgets and limited space.    

    Hope everything works out!  :-)
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    It sounds like you've made some tough but reasonable and well thought out decisions.  It's okay to be stressed, glad you made it through and are on the other side now!  Good luck with the rest of your planning, hope it becomes more enjoyable again!
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    Everyone else has given you good advice. Just remember to breathe!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_happened-stress-finally-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:10454217-9c3f-4605-90c4-a08a2a244f17Post:22b88a73-8387-4613-8a17-609c68bfc9f3">Re: It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry to hear that happened!  Unfortunately, I think this hits almost all brides.  I had a bad case of stress and unhappiness right before my wedding.  I pretty much planned the entire wedding on my own and did it from cross country, and I often found myself in tears in the month before the wedding.  I basically went from loving weddings and being crazy about them to absolutely despising weddings and wanting to elope.   When things became overwhelming for me, I had to delegate them to DH or my mom.  I also tried taking a break to feel better, where I didn't have to think about weddings at all.  But the good thing is that on my actual wedding day, I forgot all the stresses and started to feel excited again (though I felt very tired and burnt out on the big day).   Yeah, cutting the guest list is a difficult decision.  But it was the right one, I think.  Many guests understand how brides have budgets and limited space.     Hope everything works out!  :-)
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! This is very encouraging.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_happened-stress-finally-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:10454217-9c3f-4605-90c4-a08a2a244f17Post:bc0e72a5-32b7-49c5-9145-5c496ded81c2">Re: It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so sorry that you guys were so stressed and upset today. I think that's very normal (from what I've been hearing all over the knot in general). But the good thing is you guys seem like you are going to have a wonderful marriage.... you communicated about it and came to a solution! And you made a smart decision to not enter into debt for a wedding. I'm sure it seems overwhelming right now (I'm not at the 5 month mark or even that close yet) but it's all for a wonderful purpose... you guys starting your lives together as husband and wife... it'll all be worth it. <strong>And your wedding sounds wonderful... good food, good people... that's all you need
    </strong>Posted by MelissaC315[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! Sometimes it's hard b/c I tend to be a people-pleaser, but I have to remember to focus on the most important things. Thanks for the encouragement!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_happened-stress-finally-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:10454217-9c3f-4605-90c4-a08a2a244f17Post:c3c45d2f-a3ef-408c-8bce-0849f72776eb">Re: It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry that you are stressed :-(  I remember getting that way too, and H and I had to be very deliberate about planning dates and not talking about the wedding.  It's easy to let the details consume you. As far as the dancing, if you guys have an iPod or computer and the church has a sound system, you should still be able to have a dance.  Just play the music that way.  You don't even have to have a designated dance floor.  We had a very small dance floor, and a lot of people just danced on the carpet on the sides of it.  It might be a way to have your cake and eat it too (assuming the church allows dancing; ours did)
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, it was actually the pastor's idea to rent a dance floor and hire a DJ. I think we'll just scale back and do the iPod thing and have a small area for dancing, but not worry about having a large space (it's not a big room to begin with). Thanks!
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    I have totally been in that place often. As much as I love FI, he hasn't been a help in wedding planning. This too shall pass. Once the big things are in place it will get better. Or that's what they tell me... ;) 

    Drama is right, an iPod will work great for a dance or at the least background music. We went to a wedding where the church ladies made the meal and it worked out well. I'm sure it saved them a ton of $$. 

    For cost saving things, we opted for appetizers instead of dinner, a reasonable DJ and we're getting married on a Tuesday-- everything is cheaper on off-days. Hope that helps! 

    5 more months and you'll be married and done! 
    PostCeremony-131.1
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    Thanks everyone! I feel better now and am a bit more positive. I know things will work out with God's help!
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    Sounds like you made good and wise decisions. Your wedding day is going to be great! Continue to ask God to help you make the right decisions according to His will for your life
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    Sorry you feel stressed! Just remember that VERY soon you will be married!! I'm glad you are feeling better with your decisions. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_happened-stress-finally-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:10454217-9c3f-4605-90c4-a08a2a244f17Post:bce48db8-7c37-4e9f-a873-fd34853c551f">Re: It happened - the stress finally hit us (a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have totally been in that place often. As much as I love FI, he hasn't been a help in wedding planning. This too shall pass. Once the big things are in place it will get better. Or that's what they tell me... ;)  Drama is right, an iPod will work great for a dance or at the least background music. We went to a wedding where the church ladies made the meal and it worked out well. I'm sure it saved them a ton of $$.  For cost saving things, we opted for appetizers instead of dinner, a reasonable DJ and we're getting married on a Tuesday-- everything is cheaper on off-days. Hope that helps!  <strong>5 more months and you'll be married and done! 
    </strong>Posted by RebeccaJac[/QUOTE]

    Whahoooo!
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