Bach part for FI?

amongthelilies25

I just got off the phone with FI... and i am just curious if anyone else's FI had a Bach party? 

I am having a wedding shower tomorrow... and FI's bach party is next weekend.

mrandmrsbrist

FI's only groomsmen are his brothers. The oldest brother really wanted to do something for FI. So they planned a road trip to San Francisco. Neither of his brothers are drinkers (one isn't even of age) and I know they won't take him to a strip club. If anything, they'll stay up all night and play video games or something :P

amongthelilies25

that seems like a VERY nice bach-type party. 

i am worried because FI's brother is a HUGE drinker (parties A LOT) and is the best man... so he is throwing the party. His other groomsmen is his cousin who also drinks a lot.  They told me that it will just be a bbq and nothing crazy. 

But i guess word came out that they were going to "bar hop" in San Francisco (i am about 3 hours away from san fran) and mmmaayyybbbeee go to a strip club. idk if they were joking but it made me worry. 

FI already told his brother that he wasn't into all that and the most that would happen is "there will be WAY to much drinking." 

I would rather not even have that. lol. It may be unrealistic but i assumed i would marry someone who just didn't want a bach party... or do something super low key. 

uh... please pray for me to just have peace about understanding. It makes me feel anxious and i dont wanna feel like this. thanks! 

sessionswedding

FI was SUPPOSED to be having his the same night as mine, but the BM has another wedding to go to OOT the night of mine, so they're moving it to the following weekend (mine is 2 weeks before the wedding, his will likely be one week before - which happens to be his birthday weekend).  He wants to eat manly burgers, play a manly game of football in the yard, and stay up all night playing manly video games, LOL.  He didn't really say "manly" in front of everything, I added that in myself based on the way he said it.  ;-)

mrandmrsbrist

I'll be praying for you, Monica.

Is your FI someone who gives in when other people are doing things he doesn't want to do?

I know with FI, he'd just leave if his brothers decided to go to a strip club or whatever (not that they would), but I also understand the not wanting to leave because they planned this for me type thing...

amongthelilies25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:2805b1a7-c6e6-43f2-b9ca-1d212ada4aae">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI was SUPPOSED to be having his the same night as mine, but the BM has another wedding to go to OOT the night of mine, so they're moving it to the following weekend (mine is 2 weeks before the wedding, his will likely be one week before - <font class="Apple-style-span" color="#ff00ff">which happens to be his birthday weekend</font>).  He wants to eat manly burgers, play a manly game of football in the yard, and stay up all night playing manly video games, LOL.  He didn't really say "manly" in front of everything, I added that in myself based on the way he said it.  ;-)
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

<div>okay.. first of all i love this!!! exactly what i want my FI to do. and his Bach party will be the same day as his bday too!!! Two weeks before our wedding. hehe</div>

amongthelilies25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:abbe39df-f9e0-46bb-9801-2658064f18e8">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll be praying for you, Monica. <font class="Apple-style-span" color="#ff00ff">Is your FI someone who gives in when other people are doing things he doesn't want to do?</font> I know with FI, he'd just leave if his brothers decided to go to a strip club or whatever (not that they would), but I also understand the not wanting to leave because they planned this for me type thing...
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

<div>my FI has a VERY hard time not giving in. its a little frustrating for me.. because i have never really given to peer pressure. in high school i never went to a party... and did not drink until i was 21... and i am 24 and don't drink. never smoked, never did drugs... ALWAYS stood up for what i believed in.</div><div>
</div><div>My FI is an AMAZING man of God.. but he did have his struggles before he kknew the Lord. It seems like when he gets around ppl that knew him THEN... its even harder for him to stand up for his faith. i pray constantly for him in this area... but i am worried. </div><div>
</div><div>thanks for the prayers.</div>

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:fc5557b6-04ce-4a20-a852-06c4cd5e27b1">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : My FI is an AMAZING man of God.. but he did have his struggles before he kknew the Lord. It seems like when he gets around ppl that knew him THEN... its even harder for him to stand up for his faith. i pray constantly for him in this area... but i am worried. 
Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

Question number two: Have you talked to him about your concerns about the bach party? If so, what did he say?

Purple&7

We're no where close to this point, but I know that FI doesn't want one. He doesn't drink and could careless about having a bachelor party.

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:9868d2d1-3793-431e-b3be-a3b98e158960">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're no where close to this point, but I know that FI doesn't want one. He doesn't drink and could careless about having a bachelor party.
Posted by Purple&7[/QUOTE]
My FI doesn't drink much, and he's not into the "traditional" b-party stuff, but he just wants to have a night to hang out with the guys.  We happen to be calling that the b-party, lol.

ochemjenn

DH didn't get one.  His friends were all over the place after his graduation.  My bachelorette was the night before the wedding, but DH'd best friend didn't make it in until late that night (returning from HIS honeymoom!), so that wasn't an option either.  If he had had a bachelor party, it would have been something like golfing if his dad or brother planned it or some sort of buffet if his best friend planned it.

I'll be praying for the two of you.  Are you afraid the guys will put him in a situation where he'll have to say "no"?  I know guys (at least mine!) would rather "man up" than turn down a shot or whatever.  Could he talk to the guys before they plan anything and tell them what he is (not) comfortable with? 

xstarx05x

night before the wedding, most of BP stayed at a hotel. we all went to dinner together then went our separate ways until the wedding. the guys played board games & girls all pampered ourselves (shaved, hair in curlers, i think our nails were done already).

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:5d87fb5f-d415-40ae-8a23-0a0e028053ba">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]night before the wedding, most of BP stayed at a hotel. we all went to dinner together then went our separate ways until the wedding. the guys <strong>played board games</strong> & girls all pampered ourselves (shaved, hair in curlers, i think our nails were done already).
Posted by xstarx05x[/QUOTE]
I LOVE board games!  I am now convinced that I want to play board games at my b party, haha.

yodacub

FI informed me the other day that his dad and brother are planning his bach party, so my brother won't have to.  I'm not worried at all - my biggest concern was if my brother was in charge, there wouldn't be one at all, and I know FI wants a low key hanging out with buddies kind of night.

ochemjenn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:b3825442-a688-4e1d-9b8d-91ea152cabee">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : I LOVE board games!  I am now convinced that I want to play board games at my b party, haha.
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

We played Apples to Apples at my bachelorette party.  My MOH made extra noun cards will things like "facebook status updates", "groom", and "bridesmaid dresses".

fpaemp2011

H went out with his GMs the night before the wedding, but the rules he told his best man were no drinking, no smoking, no strippers/dancers/half-naked girls.  I think they went to a restaurant to get dessert and his 3 married groomsmen tried to freak him out.

amongthelilies25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:41db213b-28ab-412a-8497-416c24222079">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : Question number two: Have you talked to him about your concerns about the bach party? If so, what did he say?
Posted by<font class="Apple-style-span" color="#ff00ff"> mrandmrsbrist</font>[/QUOTE]

<div>I did talk to him about it.. he told me "not to worry" and then the guys "know his standards". 
</div><div>so i guess i just need to trust him. he has a good character and they guys do know that he is a Christian. I am just worried that he will have a little to much to drink... but i need to not stress over it. </div>

letyourselfgo

FI is having a Bach party....but he just wants to go out to play paintball or golf with his brothers, Dad and Best Man.

Fine by me. I hope that he enjoys himself when that times comes.

RebeccaJac

FI will have a bach party... and his brother is a partier and the BM. FI also had his issues in college with alcohol. I'm not at all worried. I trust FI to make good decisions. Neither one of us is too uptight about alcohol, he has rules for himself because of his past issues, rules that he enforces, not me. 

Either one of two things will happen with your FI's bach. Either a) you'll be totally comfortable with everything that happens at the party or b) you'll need to use some of that marriage-style forgiveness and move on. 

It sounds like it wouldn't be his intention to screw up and give into peer pressure. So it really comes down to trust. Trust him not to do it or trust that your relationship is strong enough to forgive the mistakes madee and then trust him the next time he goes out with the boys.

iamjoesgurl

DH wanted to go to Pittsburgh with his cousins for a Pirate game as his bachelor party but they are all losers and wouldn't go.  So he and his BM flew to NC to see an NC State football game instead.  It was very low key since it was just the two of them.

Then a bunch of his friends took him out to a local baseball game (minor league) and his dad went too.  That was more like a bachelor party but it didn't get too crazy.  Just a bunch of guys hanging out.

xstarx05x

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:b3825442-a688-4e1d-9b8d-91ea152cabee">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : I LOVE board games!  I am now convinced that I want to play board games at my b party, haha.
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

<div>we have a game called "Spaceopoly" from when my brother and i were kids that's always a hit! so random, but unique and pretty fun!</div><div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong>amongthelilies25</strong> - </span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I can see how it would bother you, cuz DH was in the same boat as you. I was a party girl in the past and DH worries when i get together with certain friends. At this stage of life, I'm not tempted as much as I used to be. Sometimes I'll have one drink cuz I'm not convinced it's wrong--as long as I dont get drunk, which I won't off of one. One of my BMs, who does drink but respects my beliefs, told me that my MOH and/or her FI were talking about taking shots before the wedding and she was like umm you're kidding right?? Not sure if they were. I digress...</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Were the bar-hopping rumors from the GM? </span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">If they've tempted him in the past, then I'd be worried and bring this up with him (ask him if he's sure they're not serious since they've done something before). just be careful not to nag cuz I'm sure this is a sensitive topic for him. </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">But if this isn't the case, then</span><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"> i'm sure that  if they respect your FI's beliefs and they were just joking, so I wouldn't worry :)  </span></div>

AshNoel8

My H first wanted to go paintballing for his bach party, but then decided he didn't want one at all. He went to a baseball game a few weeks before the wedding, went golfing a week or so before and his friends went over to play video games after the rehearsal dinner. I was happy with this. His friends know he doesn't drink much (I'm talking like 2-3 drinks per year haha), so that's probably why they didn't plan anything. 

Monica, I would be worried too (I am a worrier, unfortunately). But it will all work out. Just pray about it and trust your FI. He loves you and would never do anything to compromise your relationship and future. 

DramaGeek

H didn't get one.  When his BM (his cousin who is also his best friend) started talking about a bach party, H told him that he just wanted to go golfing with the GMs.  His BM told him that was unacceptable, and that the only bach party he would plan would have alcohol and strippers.  H told him he wasn't down with that, so the BM told him to forget having a bach party.

8 months later H was the BM for his cousin.  The cousin told H he was not to plan the bach party, and in fact wasn't even invited to the bach party.  They went to Vegas.  There was lots of alcohol, a bunch of strippers and, sadly, a prostitute for the groom.  I don't think the Bride knows, and this was 8 years ago.

RebeccaJac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:c9240204-e2e2-4186-babb-db32eaa9aecf">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]H didn't get one.  When his BM (his cousin who is also his best friend) started talking about a bach party, H told him that he just wanted to go golfing with the GMs.  His BM told him that was unacceptable, and that the only bach party he would plan would have alcohol and strippers.  H told him he wasn't down with that, so the BM told him to forget having a bach party. 8 months later H was the BM for his cousin.  The cousin told H he was not to plan the bach party, and in fact wasn't even invited to the bach party.  <strong>They went to Vegas.  There was lots of alcohol, a bunch of strippers and, sadly, a prostitute for the groom.</strong>  I don't think the Bride knows, and this was 8 years ago.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Whoa, that is extreme. But in that case it was the guy's choice. He was obviously looking for something like that based on his plans for your hubby's party. OP I don't think you have to worry about this. Your FI doesn't seem at all to be looking to get into trouble. </div>

SoonToBeGenao

FI and I are having our bachelor/ette parties the same weekend (next weekend! Aug 5-6). FI, BM and 4 GMs are going to Ocean City Maryland for the weekend. They got a hotel room right on the board walk of the beach. I trust FI completely and know that he would never (nor would his friends encourage him to) disrespect me in anyway. I am not giving him "rules" for his bach party or anything. I want him to have a great weekend alone with the boys, going to the beach, relaxing, having some drinks- whatever they want to do. I trust him, and all of his boys as well- not to go overboard or disrespect me or our relationship at all.

I think what it boils down to is trust and forgiveness. Big lessons in a marriage.

[Deleted User]

my FI went out to breakfast the day of the wedding with his guy friends.  that's it!

hopefully your FI is strong enough to own up and enforce his own standards, or else you might be in for a very long marriage.  is this something you've discussed in pre-marital counseling?  my FI used to have a big problem with drinking and partying, and he knows that it's not good for him, his relationship with me, and his Christian life.  so he completely abstains, even when his old friends make fun of him for it.  or he just doesn't hang out with them.  on the HM, we were offered champagne at the hotel.  he took one sip and then dumped the whole thing down the sink.  he's been down that road, and he's not going back.  it's a hard decision to keep, but I completely trust him because I've seen him make the right decisions.  I'm a little sad that you don't have that kind of trust in your FI, but I really hope he realizes what this problem (not just the alcohol, but the wishy-washy-ness) does to a marriage.  some people don't have a problem with alcohol, and that's fine.  but if it bothers you to this extent AND he's had a history of abusing alcohol, he needs to learn to stand on HIS two feet and take the heat for abstaining.

just my 2 cents.  please don't take offense!  I just come from a similar place as you, so I feel like I can relate to this.  if you haven't brought it up in pre-marital, you need to ASAP.  it's a much bigger problem than just drinking. 

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:e922bc52-8af8-4435-be64-c23a2a7336ee">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : Whoa, that is extreme. But in that case it was the guy's choice. He was obviously looking for something like that based on his plans for your hubby's party. OP I don't think you have to worry about this. Your FI doesn't seem at all to be looking to get into trouble. 
Posted by RebeccaJac[/QUOTE]

<div>Rebecca, I totally agree.  H and his cousin are complete opposites in their ethics and morals; how they are best friends I will never know.</div><div>
</div><div>Monica, I'll pray Martin has the strength to say no and walk away from anything that goes against his beliefs.  At the same time, I'll pray that the people planning his party realize that it's not cool to plan something that forces him to have to make that choice.</div>

AshNoel8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:c9240204-e2e2-4186-babb-db32eaa9aecf">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]H didn't get one.  When his BM (his cousin who is also his best friend) started talking about a bach party, H told him that he just wanted to go golfing with the GMs.  His BM told him that was unacceptable, and that the only bach party he would plan would have alcohol and strippers.  H told him he wasn't down with that, so the BM told him to forget having a bach party. 8 months later H was the BM for his cousin.  The cousin told H he was not to plan the bach party, and in fact wasn't even invited to the bach party.  They went to Vegas.  There was lots of alcohol, a bunch of strippers and, sadly, <strong>a prostitute for the groom.</strong>  I don't think the Bride knows, and this was 8 years ago.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This really breaks my heart. I almost cried when I read that. Anyone who would do something like that right before they get married is not ready to be married. I don't want to talk badly about your H's cousin/best friend, but it just breaks my heart that someone would go that far. Hopefully by now he has realized how sacred a marriage is and hopefully he is a good husband to his wife now. </div>

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:8eef2d1d-b07f-4852-82db-6b780fa2c7a2">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : This really breaks my heart. I almost cried when I read that. Anyone who would do something like that right before they get married is not ready to be married. I don't want to talk badly about your H's cousin/best friend, but it just breaks my heart that someone would go that far. Hopefully by now he has realized how sacred a marriage is and hopefully he is a good husband to his wife now. 
Posted by AshNoel8[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.  I am thankful everyday that I got the cousin I did.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA - Monica, I know that Martin is <strong>nothing</strong> like my husband's cousin.  You definitely do not need to worry about that kind of thing happening with him.  As someone else pointed out (Rebecca?), the groom in that scenario did not have the same convictions that Martin has and he had no qualms about that type of party.  Martin does.  All will be well, I am sure of it.</div>

RebeccaJac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:1871fe14-35b7-44dc-a162-80938cc85ec2">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : Rebecca, I totally agree.  <strong>H and his cousin are complete opposites in their ethics and morals; how they are best friends I will never know.</strong> Monica, I'll pray Martin has the strength to say no and walk away from anything that goes against his beliefs.  At the same time, I'll pray that the people planning his party realize that it's not cool to plan something that forces him to have to make that choice.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Totally not questioning your H at all. Just didn't want Monica to get even more worried with prostitues thrown into the mix! </div>

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_bach-part-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1120bebf-e6d0-48aa-af3c-5bd13425aa96Post:582d072b-9b05-4b84-b6c8-9ff5529ad1f8">Re: Bach part for FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bach part for FI? : Totally not questioning your H at all. Just didn't want Monica to get even more worried with prostitues thrown into the mix! 
Posted by RebeccaJac[/QUOTE]

<div>Totally understand!</div>