Is anyone else in the same boat?

agape1cor813

I am leaving my job in about five weeks to move to be with my husband, and so I will be unemployed for the first time in 3 1/2 years. Since I started working after college graduation, it's just been go go go go, with no real breaks for relaxation or to pursue my own interests. 

However, I am terrified, because as I'm sure you all know very well, this is not the kind of economy you want to be unemployed in. I very highly value my ability to work and earn money, because it's nearly impossible to have a good, prosperous existence otherwise. Admittedly, I probably put too much of my self-worth in the ability to work.

How is anyone who is leaving their jobs and relocating after marriage coping with this? Does anyone have any secrets as far as the job search is concerned?

GJones27

I am relocating to Boston to be with DH... moving next month after getting married in late Ma.  I can't say I'm totally happy about leaving Washington, DC.  I've lived here for eight years.  I'm interested in the jobs offered here.  I have friends here.  I knew it would be really hard to find a job in Boston, so I applied for law school and will be attending this fall.  I don't really have a choice about moving, because DH goes to Harvard Business School and I can't ask him to leave that.  

When DH and I were trying to resolve these issues last year, we spoke with our priest in marriage counselling, and he said something that stuck with me.  A job is more important to a guy's identity than a girl's, even if you're a career woman.  That helps bring peace to me.  Also, I just think how much happier I will be with DH than by myself here in DC.  I'll have a month to play housewife, but I can't imagine how much scarier it must be when you don't have a job lined up.  I hope something comes quickly for you!

mrandmrsbrist

I'm not having to leave a job or re-locate, but I understand what you mean about valuing your ability to work. I was laid off back in November and couldn't get another job until January. FI had to help me with a few bills at the end of December and I just felt crappy about the whole thing. I think it's normal to feel like that.

kellya01

My FI will probably be leaving his job to move to wherever my next school job is.  It is a decision we made together, and if my next school job ends up being where he can temporarily keep his current job, he'll keep it until he finds something else.  He is in a dead-end kind of position and his company keeps dangling opportunities in front of him that they keep saying "5 years down the road, we might consider you for blah blah blah."  

So ... we're in a similar boat as you, agape. FI will be the one trying to get work.  He's going to HAVE to get something if he quits his current job because my teacher's income is just not enough to pay our bills and live.  :-/ 

fpaemp2011

I am currently a SAHW, and, if that changes, it won't be until this fall.  DH is the head of our home, and God called him to where he is supposed to be.  I'm really enjoying this time of just being able to focus on him and be supportive of his ministry.

If I do look for a job in the fall, it won't be in a school (my degree is in Special Ed) because we're planning on starting a family fairly soon, (our plan is the end of next spring, but we know God may have different plans) and I don't want to sign a contract and then leave halfway through the school year.

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-same-boat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1214574b-e043-424b-9bb4-c00b4a44146aPost:b9d23ffb-9a66-40f6-97a1-6df7e01b0e11">Re: Is anyone else in the same boat?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH is the head of our home, and God called him to where he is supposed to be.
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]

Just curious, but in your opinion, does that mean you don't work? Or does that mean he's the main provider? I've heard lots of different opinions and was just curious what yours was.

fpaemp2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-same-boat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1214574b-e043-424b-9bb4-c00b4a44146aPost:2907435b-faa4-428f-8ab3-15b5ef044432">Re: Is anyone else in the same boat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is anyone else in the same boat? : Just curious, but in your opinion, does that mean you don't work? Or does that mean he's the main provider? I've heard lots of different opinions and was just curious what yours was.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
I am not working outside of the home right now, but DH isn't against me working. I don't have to work for us to survive, so I'm not freaking out trying to find "anything."  When we have kids, I don't want to work, and DH is in agreement with that.  We also plan on homeschooling preK-12.

He is directly under God's authority in leading our family, and I am under his.  It was important to both of us that he look for a ministry position first, instead of me looking for a teaching position.  We wanted to go where God was calling him, and I told him I would go anywhere. 

I don't think that all Christian married women should stay home.  We live off of a budget, and save as much as we can. We don't have a lot of room for "luxuries", but we're ok if the car needs to be fixed or even if I get pregnant.  If we absolutely needed a second income to make ends meet, I would get a job until the first baby is born.

mrandmrsbrist

Gotcha. I respect your opinions a lot and so I was just curious about what you and your DH thought.

SuMmErKuTiE

We moved about 2 to 3 months after we got married last year from Connecticut to Florida. We had been planning to move down here ever since we got serious, we both knew we wanted to live somewhere warmer and cheaper so we made a point to start job hunting after the wedding. I got an interview, hopped on a plane, flew down here and got the job!

We knew in me accepting this job and fulfilling our dreams of moving down here meant that DH wasn't going to be working until he found a job here. We knew it's not a great economy, but there are plenty of jobs out there and DH went on a few interviews and did several phone interviews before getting hired by the job he's working at now and he loves it! We're both actually much happier and making more money than we were in CT which is funny because supposedly CT is one of the most expensive states to live (2nd only to Hawaii) and therefore has better pay scales than most states especially the south. We just trusted in God and prayed every day for Him to show DH the right job and for it to come along at the right time.

Speaking of us moving down here, my parents are flying in today! I haven't seen them since Christmas! It'll be nice to see them and go root on my brother at his graduation from the Marines on Friday. And my parents are coming with us to our final walk through of our house tonight! We close tomorrow!!!

agape: continue to trust in God that the right job will come along at the right time. I remember about a month or so ago when you were getting really discouraged about your DH's job situation and everything worked out! Just continue trusting in Him, and with your education and your prior job experience I'm sure the right job opportunity will present itself to you when you need it most.

OliviaD7712

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-same-boat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1214574b-e043-424b-9bb4-c00b4a44146aPost:b3aa02d9-a77e-4c55-b60f-d86628f639ec">Re: Is anyone else in the same boat?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is anyone else in the same boat? : I am not working outside of the home right now, but DH isn't against me working. I don't have to work for us to survive, so I'm not freaking out trying to find "anything."  When we have kids, I don't want to work, and DH is in agreement with that.  We also plan on homeschooling preK-12. <strong>He is directly under God's authority in leading our family, and I am under his.  It was important to both of us that he look for a ministry position first, instead of me looking for a teaching position.  We wanted to go where God was calling him, and I told him I would go anywhere.  I don't think that all Christian married women should stay home.</strong>  We live off of a budget, and save as much as we can. We don't have a lot of room for "luxuries", but we're ok if the car needs to be fixed or even if I get pregnant.  If we absolutely needed a second income to make ends meet, I would get a job until the first baby is born.
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Emily - you word things so beautifully!! I am so excited to enter into ministry with FI!!!

</div>

kalizoomba

I'm actually sort of opposite. I've been unemployed for 3.5 years, looking for a job. I finally got sick of looking where I was currently living and moved 6 hours away to a city that has the grad school I want to attend and I moved here - without a job. I've already had 2 interviews and have another tomorrow. I'm just trusting God will provide me with enough money to pay rent next month. While I was unemployeed, I lived with my parents, so I didn't have any (major) bills. I don't have much in savings because I didn't have a job.  I'm getting married in 101 days (yay!!) and FI will move here with me and get a job (he's never had a -real- job, he just works on his family's dairy farm) so yes. I'm in the same boat as you, and I'm just full on trusting God.  I've just been sticking to Philippians 4:19: "My God will supply all your needs according to His riches."

ochemjenn

jenn.daniel here.  I also place a high value on my ability to do well in school / at work.  For years that was the only way I felt any self-worth at all.

I've been there / am there with the moving situation.  The first time was shortly after DH proposed.  I finished my graduate work in Chapel Hill at the beginning of July and moved an hour and a half to be with DH, FI at the time.  It was my choice to do that, but it did mean moving from an area with multiple companies where I could have used my degree.  Where FI was living, there were fewer options, and a hiring freeze was put on one lab where I'd had two interviews.  I applied for a job I didn't think I had a chance of getting, but I got a call for an interview at the end of July and started teaching at the end of August.  Moral of the story: don't limit yourself.  Apply anywhere and everywhere, even if it's not exactly what you want to be doing.

DH graduated from medical school in May.  Although he "ranked" where he wanted to go for internship/residency, the final decision is TOLD to med students.  Despite the fact that he ranked it 6th, he was placed in Columbia, SC.  I was devistated.  I LOVED my teaching job.  I don't know anyone in Columbia, unlike many of the other places we could have ended up.  After just two days of looking for jobs online, I was about ready to give up after not finding anything for which I'm qualified (certification stuff).  I didn't want to take the time to get certified to teach in SC when we could be here for as little as 3 years.  I wanted something more transferable and applied for a doctorate of education program.  I got in and am starting classes in the fall.  If you're considering taking more classes at some point, this would be a good time to start, as it would give you something to do while you look for a job.

iamjoesgurl

When we got married, DH moved to where I lived.  It was difficult for him to find a job and we got discouraged at times but the job that he eventually got was a definite answer to prayer (actually, it was a series of answers to prayer).  We were so thankful that he had the 6 months of unemployment because it ended up to be the best job situation for him. 

It is not easy to be unemployed, going to interviews, sometimes never hearing anything or even being rejected (if that's what happens).  I think my best tips for you are to be patient, persistent and remember that God wants what is best for you and even though we don't always know what that is, if we are serious about trusting Him, I believe that He will provide. 

agape1cor813

Thanks for all your advice. My husband, while he is a wonderful, loving, supportive man, sometimes doesn't see how much it bothers me that I won't be able to financially contribute to the home because I know it's going to hold us back in so many things we want to do (home ownership, getting a dog, take vacations, starting a family, etc.).

I just hope that God will help me ...

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-same-boat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1214574b-e043-424b-9bb4-c00b4a44146aPost:31d80843-acea-47cb-8d60-9b70388a840a">Re: Is anyone else in the same boat?</a>:
[QUOTE] I just hope that God will help me ...
Posted by agape1cor813[/QUOTE]

He will! He's faithful. You have to trust that.

kitkat610

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-same-boat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1214574b-e043-424b-9bb4-c00b4a44146aPost:20671913-8514-4152-a584-896d175f21e0">Re: Is anyone else in the same boat?</a>:
[QUOTE]I so I applied for law school and will be attending this fall.  I don't really have a choice about moving, 
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]<div>I am in the exact same situation. FI got a fantastic job in AZ. I encouraged him to take it because we had decided that he would find a job where he felt fulfilled, and I would apply to law school and/or find a job there. I stayed in TX for a few months, and moved here right before the wedding. Jobs are very scarce in Tucson, and I have always wanted to go back to school so this is the answer to years of prayer. </div><div>
</div><div>My advice is to stay busy. I have really struggled with feelign isolated because I don't have any friends here or anything to do outside of grocery shopping and unpacking. I spend a lot of time at the gym now and read a lot. 
As for the job hunt, like PP said just be persistent. He will provide.</div>