waiting for marriage VENT!!

amongthelilies25

EEERRR!!!!!!

i feel sooo mad! i hate that other people feel the need to put their two sense in to my plan of waiting until marriage. i swear i get grief from Christians and non!

From non-Christians because i am waiting to be physical until my wedding night. they don't understand and bla bla bla. okay, WHATEVER you don't understand. i am not pushing my views on you..i am just saying how i want it to be on my wedding night and i am happy for the decision that we have made. i know God will bless my marriage. Sex is a holy thing and was created for the unity of marriage. 

ANDDD from Christians. I am not a virgin. nope..not. made mistakes. in fact..me and my FI have made mistakes. BUUTT we have made a true commitment to eachother and to God to not do anything physical until our wedding night. we have decided to not even kiss until our wedding! we want to be and inspiration and hope to others and say to them "yes...you can STILL wait...even if you have messed up...you can wait" 

no, not a 'mess-up-saturday-repent-on-sunday' mindset..but a TRUE repentance. Go and sin no more kind of attitude. Being humble before God and saying "yes..i messed up...but your blood sets me free. cleanse me, Father....i want to pure and i ask you to purify Your child.  I repent from my old behavior and i turn the direction i was headed and run after You."

This is what me and FI did..and we are sooo proud and happy with our decision. we are waiting ...again...and i know God will bless us. and i trust God that will feel like that FIRST time experience that other brides will have on their wedding night. 

thanks for letting me vent. and if there is anyone else out there..who felt like they "messed up" and cant wait...you can! trust God. No good thing will He withhold from those He loves. (:

GJones27

Vent away!  We're here for support.

Are people actually telling you these things?  Or are you just feeling them?  If friends and family are telling you these things, they should not judge or tell you what's best.  If you're feeling them, you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made.  I know it's hard, but maybe talking with a priest or going to confession would help, if that is in your faith tradition. 

While I myself have waited (international long-distance relationships make it easy), there are plenty of examples of people who have made mistakes but have truly repented.  I'm one of the only Orthodox Christians on here (there's no board for us), but there is the example of St. Mary of Egypt.  In fact, she was a prostitute, but she had a major change of heart, repented, and became one of the most holy people.  She is revered for that today.  Your mistake, I would say, is no where need as bad as hers, but I think her example shows that genuine repentence really means something.  And God knows and remembers that.

In short, I admire that you have genuinely changed your ways, even to the point where you are not kissing.  You are a strong person with good values!  How far away is your wedding?  I hope it's not too far off, so you can at least get past this challenge quickly.

P.S. I noticed you're also from NorCal!  I'm getting married in SF.  

Calypso1977

i saw sarabellam's reply to you on the E board.  i thought it was totally out of line.

i was not a virgin when i married, and while i H and i had sex wtih each other prior to marriage, we did choose to abstain for the entire duration of our engagement as we prepared for our sacrament.  so, i get where you are coming from.

GJones27

Ugh, I just saw that comment now, too!  I hate how some of the people on these boards are so rude and disrespectful when it's not called for.  I tried standing up for you over on that board. :-)  If it helps, I totally understand where you are coming from.  It's the feeling of "marriage is special" not because it's formally sanctioned by the state, but because you really do become "one flesh."

rachelea

Wow I am surprised people are actually saying nasty things to you!!! While people I know (particularly at work) don't share my viewpoint on waiting for marriage, they have been nothing but complimentary about it when they hear that is what FI and I are doing! They all thing is so so great and special that I've saved that for him and encourage me. It was funny the other day actually, an older lady I work with asked me what I was going to do if he wasn't any good in bed!!! I just burst out laughing and said I have nothing to compare it with! It was truly a comical moment but I like that it is 100% truth!

SE+MB

You can't let what other people say bother you. You and your FI have made this decision together and with God. You don't have to answer to anyone as to why or why not you have made the decisions you have made. Yes, I do share with people that I'm waiting until marriage to have sex but I'm not going to let their feelings sway me or even affect me.

One of my biggest problems since being engaged is that FI's parents don't understand our decision. They think that we should live together before we get married because they think we are rushing things. (We've been together for 4.5 years; no we aren't rushing things.) They aren't Christians and they just don't get it. We have chosen to not discuss the waiting until marriage thing with them anymore because it's such a controversial topic with them.

Sometimes it's just best to pray for other people. You know that you want to wait until marriage to be physical. Your friends need to understand that. If they don't understand it, pray for them.

You must be comfortable with your decision. I'll say a prayer for you. Don't get discouraged.

sarabellam

If you don't want people's opinions about your sex life, don't talk about your sex life to them. Voila! No judgement from Christians or non-Christians.

loves2shop4shoes

Honestly, I don't understand waiting until marriage.  I don't share the same biblical interpretation, nor do I think it's practical.  That being said, I think it's one of those different strokes for different folks things.  If you and your FI are both comfortable waiting until marriage and share that same belief, who am I to tell you that it's wrong?  I only get upset when those who wait until marriage tell me that I'm going to burn in hell for "living in sin" and being a "fornicator".  (Personally, I think God's got bigger fish to fry than worrying about the contents of my vagina at any given time.)  Oh well, at least no one can tell you you're going to burn in hell.

fpaemp2011

I saw all of that on E, too.  Ridiculous.  I was called out on E last spring when someone asked on THIS board about submission/being a godly wife, and my answer was c&p'd over there by someone else who had never been on this board before, mostly making fun of what I and some of the other girls had said back.
{Original post} {E post}

No one has called me out on here for anything purity related, not even waiting to kiss, which I've been surprised about.  I don't really mention it on other boards, though.  Just know that you're always welcome here.

katanne9

Vent away.

Good for you. It's a really difficult decision to wait (whether you've been active before  or not) so feel good about sticking to your guns!!

amongthelilies25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_waiting-marriage-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1392d52e-3886-4b36-b1d3-0e4755964c3dPost:0f763825-3dd9-4f05-8865-f598271b3d1a">Re: waiting for marriage VENT!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i saw sarabellam's reply to you on the E board.  i thought it was totally out of line. i was not a virgin when i married, and while i H and i had sex wtih each other prior to marriage, we did choose to abstain for the entire duration of our engagement as we prepared for our sacrament.  so, i get where you are coming from.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>thank you! that means a lot to me! her reply really did hurt me. </div><div>but you have encouraged me! 

</div>

amongthelilies25

thank you ladies for all the encouragement! 

me and FI are vverrryyy happy with our decision...and maybe i should just not tell others about our decision that way i dont get the negative comments from anyone. 

bottom line is that i LOVE that we are waiting. (: 

DramaGeek

We waited and didn't get any grief at the time because I went to a Christian college and it was expected.  Since then, however, people are shocked to find out we waited and also shocked when they realize our marriage is still going strong.  Because, you know, if you don't have sex before you get married then once you do have sex it'll probably ruin everything.

kellya01

If waiting is the right thing for you, then feel free to stand strong in your belief.  For some, it isn't the right thing for them.  I'm not here to judge, lest I be judged... But I totally understand when you feel like your beliefs are attacked.  It hasn't really happened to me on TK in any meaningful way but it has happened in real life and it can be hurtful especially if you have a strong conviction about that belief.  

Feel free to let it out here, you will have people who understand support your decision to stick to your belief, even if they don't necessarily abide by the same thing.  Yet another reason why I like this board.  I read E so I can learn etiquette and sometimes I get a little put-off by the way a *few* of the posts come off (only a few, really, because if I get offended I just stop reading anyway, no need to be part of drama!).  

amongthelilies25

thanks everyone. (:

ya...i try to not let it get to me on here....ppl dont know who i truly am on here. its in the real life world where it is hard. 

but like i said..we are VERY happy with our decision. and in reality THAT is what matters! (:

Beazilla

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_waiting-marriage-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1392d52e-3886-4b36-b1d3-0e4755964c3dPost:03a18495-f301-42e4-80c0-18164dcb6399">Re: waiting for marriage VENT!!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't want people's opinions about your sex life, don't talk about your sex life to them. Voila! No judgement from Christians or non-Christians.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]
This pretty much my response.

People only know that you're waiting because you tell them. I may think you're weird for waiting to get married to kiss each other, but if you hadn't said anything I wouldn't know and there would be no judgement. If you're waiting or not waiting for whatever reason it's your own business and if you don't want people to say anything about it, then just don't talk about it and ignore the E board if you do.

MrsTucker2011

Ok, I understand where you are coming from on E, but in reality the whole purity thing mentioned in your E post was unnecessary info in regards to the question. Just because it is a national board, and more specifically etiquette - it's a good rule of thumb to keep the whole post pertaining to the question. That way you won't have your toes stepped on by crabby ladies.

FI and I are also waiting till marriage so I'm right in line with you ladies.
The comments from E are just a reminder on how we are a salt and a light unto the world... If you're not being 'salty'/different, then you'r not doing something right.

kellya01

I should have stated more clearly in my post that I agree with your belief on waiting until marriage!  So, you have company here.  Not everyone will agree, even on here, and that's okay too, so just stay strong in your faith! 

Emily - wow, I read about the post you mentioned that was a C&P from here.  Wow, I can't believe someone copied what you wrote (incompletely) and as a joke.  At least by the end of the thread it did sort of turn into more of a debate instead of completely putting down the statements about wives submitting to their husbands and vice versa!  BTW, I think a lot of people, even Christians, don't take that passage in its entirety and the whole idea of submission is confusing to the outside world because they don't REALLY get, I mean, they don't have the belief and the faith, in how Christ submitted himself to the Church.  One of the PP's had it right on their post on that thread -- Christ was beaten, died, etc, for the church.  For sinners.  I am so humbled by that!

Off to church, gotta direct the choir on one song for the minister of music this morning... which will feel awkward, but should be fun!! 

~ kelly

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_waiting-marriage-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1392d52e-3886-4b36-b1d3-0e4755964c3dPost:4e157b1d-312a-4df1-a280-14edee264df2">Re: waiting for marriage VENT!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: waiting for marriage VENT!! : This pretty much my response. People only know that you're waiting because you tell them. I may think you're weird for waiting to get married to kiss each other, but if you hadn't said anything I wouldn't know and there would be no judgement. If you're waiting or not waiting for whatever reason it's your own business and if you don't want people to say anything about it, then just don't talk about it and ignore the E board if you do.
Posted by Beazilla[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

We also waited and got lots of support with those who understood, but also from those who didn't.

If people don't support you their friendship may just be a waste of time. I had plenty of friends who do NOT believe in waiting, yet still fully supporting me and DH.

SE+MB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_waiting-marriage-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:1392d52e-3886-4b36-b1d3-0e4755964c3dPost:5a22e5a5-97b4-4fb9-b8fb-b18db9851509">Re: waiting for marriage VENT!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: waiting for marriage VENT!! : Ditto this. We also waited and got lots of support with those who understood, but also from those who didn't. <strong>If people don't support you their friendship may just be a waste of time. I</strong> had plenty of friends who do NOT believe in waiting, yet still fully supporting me and DH.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

mattycam

Good for you for choosing to wait! Many will not understand but God does and that's what important at the end of the day: pleasing God and not man.

danielle0704

let me get this right...so, someone went trolling for content on the "christian weddings" board & re-posted it, only to mock it? amazing. mmmk.

i'm a grown woman - 30 years old - and made the decision to wait until marriage for sex a long time ago & haven't looked back. in the years since my decision, i have come to understand it to be less a dogmatic curse, but an act of worship.
so, my faith is a lifestyle not something i do on some random sundays. if they can't respect where you're coming from, give them the "kanye shrug". We live to glorify God not please man.