Oh the nerve!...................ranting

BekahL90

So, this really got me and I've decided to just vent and get it out of my system. FI and I were helping out at church this Sunday. We were heating up casseroles and getting things ready for a potluck, when this older lady walks into the kitchen and says, "I feel like I need to make sure you two aren't left alone together so that you don't start kissing and get carried away." FI and I just looked at each other, trying desperately to find something polite to say, when we were both thinking, "What the....?" And she wasn't joking either! She was dead serious! Now let me clarify a few things:

1) This lady is someone I have been aquainted with since childhood, but I really don't have any sort of personal relationship with her.

2) We were getting food ready, not having a romantic rendezvous in the kitchen! 

3) We're saving our first kiss for our wedding day (personal decision) so we don't kiss. Ever. 

I guess I was a little taken aback by her comment. Since when was it the job of random people to chaperone two adults? And holy guacamole, what a thing to say! FI and I both have very strong convictions about remaining pure until marriage and firm boundaries that we have set for ourselves, but trust me, if we decided to cross those lines and "get carried away", we would not do so in the church kitchen!!!!!

End of rant.

AshNoel8

Wow, what a story! I'm sure she thought she was being helpful, but remember that sometimes older people don't censor themselves and they say whatever it is that they're thinking. I remember several years ago my brother was playing baseball and my parents and grandparents were sitting in the stands watching. Another boy was playing the position my brother usually plays and my brother was on the bench. My pap (loudly) said "Why is that kid in there? B should be in there! That kid sucks!" My mom said "His mom is sitting right there" to which my pap responded "Well she knows he sucks!" Haha! So don't take it personal. Old people don't have a censor sometimes. You know the decisions you and your FI have made and you will stick to what you believe in... whether she thinks so or not. It will make a funny story to tell at your 50th anniversary party in the future! Haha. 

fpaemp2011

To be honest, if this same person says something again, I would tell her that you're waiting.  Respectfully, of course, but if she is continually assuming that a young engaged couple can't keep their pants up in the church kitchen, a little conversation won't hurt, and may help other couples in your church.  If they feel like they're constantly being watched and someone is just waiting for them to slip up, it's not going to help anything.

DH and I waited until our wedding to kiss, too, and I had to have conversations with a few people who made a few too many jabs about us being "alone" (which we never were) or commented, "That's what happens when you kiss boys," EVERY TIME I had a head cold.  Yeah...sometimes it's time to say something.

FaithCaitlin

Ridiculous!! Sorry you had to deal with this awkwardness!

SugarFoote

OH MY GOODNESS! Never in my life have I heard of this! Why would someone do that? I mean I can understand a mother or father chaperoning 16 year olds but my goodness! This is crazy! I would've just died if this happened to me.

I have to say, I completely have respect for all of you ladies (and your fellers) who are waiting on the kissing thing. FI and I are practicing abstinence as well (although we had both made a few "mistakes" before meeting each other). We now both regret our lapses in judgement and have decided until our wedding to...well you know. But I would guess it takes A LOT of control to not kiss. I respect you guys so much

GJones27

Wow, that was rude of her.  I hope she got that from your facial expressions.  Next time, if she says that, you could say something like, "Yeah, don't worrry.  We know this is a sacred place of worship, and we want to honor God in our actions both here and outside the church."  But good for your for waiting even on kissing... my husband and I waited until marriage, but not on the kissing part.  That would have been tough! 

BMcLeodTeam

I have to agree with PP, if she says something again in the future I'd be having a talk with her about it.

ochemjenn

of all places... the church kitchen.  DH and I definitely kissed before we got married, but I felt weird about the prospect of kissing in church in front of people.  At our rehearsal the minister had us practice this kiss.  I'm glad we did because it made me more comfortable on the wedding day.  We generally avoid PDA....

ElisabethJoanne

Well, "way back in the day," she would have been doing you a huge favor. Any "good Christian girls" at all alone with young men were no longer "good Christian girls" fit to marry anyone. That day was not in the lifetime of anyone alive today, but it used to be my attitude when I was young, from reading too many old books (Austen). I could see reverting to the attitude if I reverted in my reading habits, in old age.

Bett2012

That is frustrating! I agree with PPs - sometimes it's ok to say something. But I totally agree that in the moment, your jaw just hits the ground and you're stunned... as in "did you actually just say that to us?"

FI and I have kissed before, but we decided that it would be easier to respect other boundaries if we firmed up on that one and took kissing out of the mix. We decided that we would be ok kissing once we got engaged, but when we got engaged, we decided to just have one quick celebratory kiss and then wait until the altar.

anyways, after we had made the decision to not kiss, I saw FI's aunt at church and she was telling me about her preteen daughter who had announced that she's going to save her first kiss for her wedding day and isn't that a good idea? The words don't sound that bad, but her tone and the lengthy pause after was quite blatantly a question saying "have you and my nephew kissed yet?" I was so shocked and there was a looong awkward silence as I organized my shock

GunzNRoses213

I work in a nursing home...trust me.. older people do NOT censor... Sorry to hear that I would have been offended as well .

Stayc516

Personally, I would have told her politely that your sex life, or lack there of, was none of her business. You know that you are strong in your convictions and it shouldn't matter what other people think. You have an agreement with your FI and God to stay pure. Plus you are two concenting adults. Even if you hadn't decided to wait, it's still none of her business.

ShadowCutter

Yeah I would be too stunned to respond too, not only because it's none of her business but also 'cause I'd resent the insinuation that just because we're young and in love we have no self control. In fact I think that would be my response to her once I got my bearings. :-r I agree with PP, now that you know her attitude and you're over / getting over the shock, you can plan on responding if she does it again. I know old people might not censor themselves but I think that doesn't mean you have to let them get away with it, just like with kids who don't know better, you correct them. You're adults no matter how much younger than her you are, and she needs to respect that. Unless old people have some kind of dementia so they literally think it's 1936 (or whenever) there's no excuse for that.