I just wish they would get along

LeahVB2011

So my parents and inlaws don't get along at all. It started back when we got engaged in July and has continued to escalate over the almost 9months we have been engaged. The straw that finally broke my parents was Friday when my mom, Fi's grandmother and I went looking for fabric for my veil. When it came time to purchase the fabric, Fi's grandma handed to my mom to pay for. My mom and I were both under the impression she was buying everything for the veil and we didn't say anything but my mother wasn't happy about it. Other things have happened but it doesn't feel like either side wants to see the others perspective. It's putting a lot of stress on me which is putting stress on Fi because he knows I'm hurting and he can't do anything to help. I'm tempted for Fi and I to sit down with both sets of parents together and let them know how we feel but with how my mom has been recently I don't know if that would be a good idea. Plus I'm getting married in 40days. I'm just not sure.

amongthelilies25

oh wow! i am sooo sorry you are having to deal with all that stress. 

i will pray peace for you. 

i believe that communication is key in ANY relationship. So...my opinion would be to sit everyone down and talk calmly and effectively. Just express how the situation (emphasis on the situation and not the ppl) are making you feel stressed soo close to your wedding. this might help so everyone knows whats going on and nothing is being unresolved. 

Miscommunication and no communication can really hurt relationships now and in the future. its a good thing to practice. (:

DramaGeek

I think I would take the approach that these are two different families that won't spend much, if any, time together.  I'd limit their interactions as much as possible and assume I was paying for everything myself.  I think about our two families and how a confrontation like Monica is talking about, and it would not be good.  In our situation it would be much better to just let it go and move on.

ETA - I should have mentioned that our families don't get along.  My parents actively dislike my ILs and, while they'd never say anything, it's awkward when everyone is together.

LeahVB2011

I'm just sick of hearing it about how much my parents are upset over this. I can't do anything. It's ridiculous. As I type this they are carrying on about all of this, I'm sick of it.

iamjoesgurl

Hang in there.  I'll be praying for the situation.  It is not right for them to put you in the middle of it all.  I'm very blessed that my parents get along with ILs.  

Have you tried explaining to your parents that it is beyond your control and that it causes you extra stress when they talk about it?  Or would that even help?

iamjoesgurl

By the way, if you can put this in the prayer requests, it will help me remember to pray for you.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_just-wish-would-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:15c08196-ef1d-4bb0-99f3-229d1816c88fPost:50eb42d1-3667-49c2-b8da-39905bea8478">Re: I just wish they would get along</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just sick of hearing it about how much my parents are upset over this. I can't do anything. It's ridiculous. As I type this they are carrying on about all of this, I'm sick of it.
Posted by LeahVB2011[/QUOTE]

<div>This is an issue with your parents then, and I don't see any problem with saying to your parents, "I understand that you're upset, but it is out of our control.  Let's focus on the things we can control and not expect anything from them."  Anytime they bring it up, remind them that you're not willing to discuss it and change the subject.</div><div>
</div><div>If your parents want to sit down and confront your future ILs, that's their deal, but I would not recommend facilitating something like that.</div>

LeahVB2011

They sound somewhat willing to talk about it but I'm not sure. I'm praying God will give Fi and I the guidance with what to do. Thanks for the advice

AshNoel8

I agree with Monica. I am the kind of person who always has to resolve things right away, so I would want to discuss things with everyone. That's just my opinion, but you have to do what's best for you. I will say a prayer for you! 

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_just-wish-would-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:15c08196-ef1d-4bb0-99f3-229d1816c88fPost:b557439f-6e5c-4bc0-807d-bb9fe048b824">Re: I just wish they would get along</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I just wish they would get along : This is an issue with your parents then, and I don't see any problem with saying to your parents, "I understand that you're upset, but it is out of our control.  Let's focus on the things we can control and not expect anything from them."  Anytime they bring it up, remind them that you're not willing to discuss it and change the subject. If your parents want to sit down and confront your future ILs, that's their deal, but I would not recommend facilitating something like that.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

This.

And have you talked to your FI about it? What does he say? Whenever there's something going on with his parents, I default to him. He knows them best and he knows what would be not only appropriate, but well received.