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Advice please?

Short back story - my mother has always been very immature (and depressed) and since I was 13 I've pretty much been the adult in the relationship. She is extremely jealous that I live close to my in-laws and see them regularly, and never misses an opportunity to remind me of this.

So last week my mother was upset after a phone conversation with me Wednesday night. So early on Thursday morning (before DH and I were awake) she woke us up by texting me childish, insulting things - basically insinuating that I'm a terrible daughter and putting words in my mouth. She also is making up ridiculous things about my in-laws trying to keep me from her. Having spoken to my baby sister, I know that mom is also telling my siblings her escalated side of the story. I was so upset by the entire situation that DH now has to censor any texts I get from her, and I haven't talked to her since.

Here's my dilemma. I know that if I respond to mom at all about her actions, she will just get more upset and nothing will get resolved. I know she has already pushed away my brother and sister, and I feel like I'm losing my relationship with her too. I have considered talking to my dad or e-mailing him. By no means do I want to look like I'm asking my dad to take my side - but I think he needs to be aware of how concerned I am about my mom's mental state.  Is that even a good idea, or should I just pretend it didn't happen and see what mom does next time she calls (I will not initiate any phone calls with her right now)? Or another option I haven't thought of?

Thanks in advance, ladies. Sorry about the wall of text. ;)

CN: My mom is damaging our relationship, and talking to her about it won't help. Do I get my dad involved or just ignore it?

Re: Advice please?

  • edited March 2012
    Your parents are still married and live together, right? In my family, it's perfectly normal for one member to act as a go-between with another. Sometimes it's a "Sister in Singapore, I had dinner with Mom and Dad last night, and they wish you'd send more e-mails." Why can't Mom just e-mail my sister in Singapore? Who knows! But such go-between-ing is what keeps us mostly liking each other.

    I totally think a call or e-mail to your dad expressing your concern for your mom, or asking how upset she really is, is a good idea.
  • I agree, I would call or email your dad, which ever you feel most comforable doing.

    Praying for you
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  • I feel like I could have written this. My parents are immature, my mom being the most immature of the two. And honestly after everything I've gone through with her, it's just easier to ignore. I appreciate the good experiences when we have them and just try to forget the bad. My mom is set in her ways and I, as her daughter, am not going to be able to change anything.

    Just my two cents, though. Praying for you.
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited March 2012
    I just wanted to write that I'm sorry you're going through this.  Unfortunately, I don't have good advice.  I would just pray and listen to your gut.  I usually take the side of open communication, but that's just me.  Chances are that if your mom is like this, everyone will know it, too, so they won't take her words too seriously.  I wish you all the best, and hope everything works out. 
  • Thanks ladies!

    You know, it's a really cool thing, God totally answered my prayers about this yesterday. Mom texted me to apologize (which never happens), and when I called her back she asked if I was upset with her.  (I think she realized that she was pushing everyone away - she is not handling being an empty nester very well). I told her that, yeah, the things she had said/texted hurt me, and explained why. I was able to clarify a few things that had been said, and express a few of my concerns. She took it very well, actually. I feel like a HUGE load has been lifted off my shoulders. I totally appreciate your prayers. God is GOOD!
  • yay! God is good.
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  • this is great to hear! I am so glad you two were able to communicate what was bothering you. I will continue to pray for yall.
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