which pastor?

rachelea

My fiance and I attend the church where we are going to be having our ceremony. He has been going there for 2-3 years, I have been going over a year now since I switched churches so we could attend together. When I submitted the contract I wrote a note about whether or not we could bring in our own pastor. I worked under a youth pastor at a church a few years ago who I was very close with and had already asked him to perform the ceremony. When my church called me back they left a message and stated that their policy is to not allow outside pastors, but they wanted to know who I wanted to bring in. I am wondering if they may allow it since obviously there were 24 years of my life that other pastors had been an influence. So should I try and push the issue and have a pastor that has significance in my life (that FI had already okayed) or just let it go and have a pastor at the church perform the ceremony?

kellya01

I'm using a former youth pastor at my church, instead of the senior pastor at the church.  It's not the same situation, since they're both pastors at the same church, but if your FI agrees, I'd use the one that means the most to both of you, and it sounds like this youth pastor from your other church might fit that bill.  Typically churches don't mind "outside" ministers so long as they're from the same denomination or at least a Christian -- this deters people from trying to use the facility and then bringing in someone with obviously non-Biblical beliefs.  

Jeffie86

I totally understand wanting to have your youth pastor perform the ceremony, but I also see where your current pastor is coming from.  Is the youth pastor from the same denomination, or something completely different?  That is likely a determining factor.  Pursue bringing in the youth pastor, but politely and respectfully, with your current church, and go from there.   

Or could your youth pastor and current pastor work together?  That might be more complicated, though. 

iamjoesgurl

Our church has the same policy. However, if the pastor that is outside the church is approved by the board, he/she can perform the ceremony.  I think they probably want to make sure that they would approve of that person and if they don't want an outside pastor performing the ceremony at all, maybe they would be open to splitting the responsibility if the senior pastor is present.  GL!

rachelea

Thanks everyone...! I think what I would like to do is talk to them at the church and explain why this other pastor is important to me (as he was one of the people who was there for me most when I was in the hospital a year and a half ago with a life threatening illness, not to mention our working together in the ministry) and hopefully they could make an exception. If not, I would definitely still have him as a guest and maybe he could do a reading or blessing instead of the entire ceremony. I can understand having the pastor of the church do the ceremony though...and to be fair, the senior pastor of the church is my good friend's dad, and one of the groomsmen's father in law.

EJCart

Can you have both?

We're having two - FI is in a men's group with an older retired pastor and they are very close. The older pastor and our pastor say they are happy to work together so we can have both. The "regular" pastor is doing everything but the vows.

JAF squared

I had sort of the same situation.  I have a children's pastor, that I have always known would do my wedding...but when it came right down to it, my husband to be didn't know him, and as far as I know, he is not licensed in the state anymore to actually perform the ceremony.  We actually had two pastors.  We used our present pastor for most of the service, and had my pastor do communion with us, as well as explain the unity candle.  He said some touching things, and memories of me as a child, and my relationship with the Lord.  Ultimatly, our current pastor is the one who signed the marriage license, but the other pastor was a big part of the ceremony.  My husband knew how important that was to me, and we made it happen.  And it turns out, I was my Children's pastor's first kid that he married...the first one of his kids who had grown up and asked him (also from his first group of kids outside of college). 
Maybe you can ask if the church is willing to do something like that? It might be a compromise to consider if they hold fast to their no outside pastor rule.