Name Changing?

kellya01

My mom brought up an interesting topic... name changing.  She pointed out that this is my 4th year in my career but my 9th year of networking with fellow professionals, and people know 'my name.'  (I also carry my dad's notoriety with my name, in my field).  Mom shared an opinion that changing my name to my FI's last name might not be a good thing in my case.  The example of name changing that "works" in her opinion is this: my brother and SIL got married right after college and before either of them had really networked or begun a career.  When SIL took his name, she actually still wasn't enrolled in Law school  yet, either.

I'm not a published author, but I do have "name recognition" to a degree in my field.  I am networked pretty well, so I feel confident that I could get the word out about the name change, but I could also foresee losing name recognition with people from my prof. organizations that I don't communicate with on a regular basis. I don't know which one to do.  I have always dreamed of taking my hubby's last name when the time comes... but I think mom has a valid argument here. 

What's your opinion?  what are you doing about your name, or what have you done? 

fpaemp2011

Is preserving name recognition in your career (which, especially today, could vanish at any moment) more important than sharing the same last name as your husband and future children (which you will vow to stick with for the rest of your life)?
I don't want this to come across as rude, but as something to think about.  What is more important and what does your FI want you to do? 
I'm taking his name.  There was never even a thought to not change mine.

kelseydjames

I had my name changed when I was 17 to avoid name recognition to my father, and I love my last name. It's a combination of the first letters of my 5 siblings' names and it was the changing point that allowed me to turn my life around because I felt like I had finally snipped that last connection to my father. Changing my last name has been a big deal for me, because my last name has more significance to me than it does to most people. But I only thought about it for a second before realizing what PP said, it's more important to have that connection to your husband and future children, if you chose to have any, than to preserve the connection with the rest of the world.

agape1cor813

Isn't there a way you could be legally recognized as having your fiance's last name but then keep your maiden name for business purposes? Kind of like having a pen name.

I guess the best example I can think of is Gwen Stefani. She changed her last name so legally she is Gwen Rossdale, but she is still Gwen Stefani in her public persona.

Or, you can always hyphenate your last name.

HeartOverMind

When I marry, I'm taking my husband's last name. No exceptions. I want to be joined with him in every way. I want our family to have the same name and it makes it more official for me.

I view the name change as an important part of marriage...

iamjoesgurl

I was 38 when I got married.  I had worked at my company for 16 years and had many connections with people who knew me by my maiden name.  I never thought twice about a name change.  People have re-learned my name and it hasn't hurt me to take my husband's name.

JoyMatt424

I will be changing my name. I work with a lot of clients outside of the company and I will be changing my signature in all of my e-mails/social and professional networking accounts to say Joy NewLastName (OldLastname) that way people are not confused if I contact them, they'll have a little while to see both names there. I think professionally even if you have been networking a while it will not be a problem, I wouldn't worry about that too much.

rachelea

My first thought reading your post was one PP had as well. LEgally change your name and use that for everything, except you can use your old name to relate to coworkers and in networking. Friends and family can know you by who you really are, and then to make the same associations I like the "pen name" idea. If you go the route Joy suggested as well, you could eventually phase out yoru old last name when people have had the time to associate both names to you.

sessionswedding

My boss at my last job had this exact same problem.  So she just kept her old name on all of her e-mails and her work ID badge.  It's called "Professionally Known As" or P.K.A.  Legally she was Mrs. HusbandsLastName, as far as work was concerned she never was anything but Ms. HerLastName.

kellya01

Hmm, lots of great responses!  Thanks for the feedback.  I am also one of those who always wanted to take my husband's last name, and I guess with the influence of modern society there are so many people not taking the husband's name, it just came up one day.  I don't know if my mom feels strongly about it at all, but she was talking with me about it, and I just wondered.  

I agree that it's an important connection to "my family" for the future (60+ years) and that part I fully agree with... I guess I just am a little concerned because my last name has actually opened doors for me in my career, so ... Anyway, I guess I have another 7 months to figure it out. 

Sorry to ramble.  Just got my head thinking.  I have a headache now... :-) 

wheatney22

I am going against the grain here . I will be keeping my last name. It has nothing to do with being connected to my husband or our new family. Ever since I was a little girl, I have said I want to keep my name even after marriage.
FI has no problem with it. I asked him several times including when my mom made a big deal about my not taking his name (she is VERY traditional). He said as long as the kids bear his name and I use his name in social setting, he is fine with my not changing it legally.

I think this is a decision YOU and FI have to make together. What other people say should not influence your decision. Why? Cause they are not the ones taking on the new name. You are.

Hopefully, my response is not being read as being too modern . I just feel that a lot of times, people take the "one size fits all" approach and it isn't always like that. You have to determine what works best for you and your new family.

mattycam

I have been thinking about this is as well. My situation is different because I have a child from a previous relationship that has my maiden name. I kind of feel like when we expand our family, my son will be the only one with my maiden name and everyone else with have my FI name. So I am not sure if I will be hypenating or doing the assumed name.

heyimbren

OP, I felt very similar to the way you are feeling a while ago. I had said I wanted to keep my last name, because of the career connections (in this case, I want to be a lawyer and both my uncle and grandfather are lawyers. So my last name is well-known in the legal community here.)

But then I realized that from my Christian perspective, it's important to me to change my last name. Why? Because I wanted to keep my last name out of pride. But the Bible talks about becoming one in every way. I don't think it matters too much, but the symbolism behind it is important. Honestly, I may be in the minority here, but I do see it as a part of the role of a godly woman and wife.

jenn.daniel

I will be changing my name.  I'm published under my maiden name, so I'll figure out some way to include my maiden name on my CV. 

When my PI got married, she changed her name legally and socially but kept using her maiden name professionally.  One of the bio professors hyphenated the two last names.

abbeylynne06

If it were me in this situation, I would either change my last name legally, but still use your maiden name professionally OR I would just add they new last name (either legally or just using it) so that professionally you would go by Abbey Smith Jones or whatever

katanne9

If you switch legally and socially you can take your DHs name in most of the ways that would matter to you. You could use your maiden name professionally and test the waters with switching over to your new name or keeping the old, or a combination of the two.



Although, my PERSONAL opinion would be to change it. Many women successfully make the switch - especially if you aren't published yet. In my job, I used both my maiden and married last names for a few months, and eventually I just dropped my maiden name. Also, many networking sites keep records of maiden names.

Calypso1977

i really think that is best if folks pick a name and stick with it, rather than using one professionally and one socially - but that's just me.

If you wish to take your husband's name, I would make your maiden your middle name, and use all three names.  Many famous/recognized career women have done this.  Think:

Sandra Day O'Connor
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Elizabeth Cady Stanton (a pioneer of women's rights!)

Someone mentioned askling what you FI thinks and what's important to him.  I dont think this decision has anything to do with him.

kalizoomba

Could you hyphenate your name?? I thought about that because I do like my maiden name, but both names are so long, I'd end up having the worlds longest last name! (okay,  not really, but 18 letters!)

DramaGeek

I started out with both names and it's a pain in the tushy, quite honestly.  I started dropping h's name for random things, like the mechanics and making reservations places.  Then I dropped it at work - I'm a teacher and two names was just too tough for our students, and too long for all our spreadsheets!  Finally he said to me "why don't you just drop my name all together?"  So I went back to my maiden name and couldn't be happier.

We're a bit of an anomaly - happily married Christian couple who don't wear wedding rings and don't have the same last name - but it doesn't take away from our marriage or our faith.  Do what you feel most comfortable with.

Calypso1977

We're a bit of an anomaly - happily married Christian couple who don't wear wedding rings and don't have the same last name - but it doesn't take away from our marriage or our faith.  Do what you feel most comfortable with.

amen!  we are pretty devout catholic, and we dont have teh same name either.  while we do wear our bands, they dont match.  we like to joke sometimes that when we go out people probably think we're married to other peopel, out on an adulterous date since our names and rings dont match! lol

but seriously, a name doesnt make you more or less in love or committed to your spouse or any more of a family.