HELP

sdomi639

I have no idea what to do.  Its going to be about 12 months until my wedding now and my fiance and I have not decided who and where we will marry.  I am a christian and a total bible follower and he is a raised adventist.  We both believe the same things except that no one will marry us because we are considered "Interfaith" .  The only issue is that I won't baptist myself to become part of his "religion" because I am adament about following doctrines and being part of something that I dont necessary agree with its foundation.  We can't agree at all.   His family solid on the ceremony being adventist and my family is solid about it being christian. 

Am I worried for  nothing?

I am losing my mind and sleep over this big time. 

Help....

AshNoel8

I don't know much about adventists, but I agree with gjones that it would be helpful to talk to your FI and see if he would convert. Discussing how you will raise your children is also important. You definitely want your kids to have a strong faith and know what they believe. I will say a prayer that you figure it out soon! 

iamjoesgurl

I'll admit that I don't completely understand the doctrine of Seventh Day Adventists (if that's what your FI is) but they are Christian and as you say, believe very similarly to a lot of evangelical Christian denominations.  Have you talked to your pastor about marrying you?  Why do the pastors that you've spoken with consider you to be "interfaith"?  I'm just curious to understand the back story because without understanding that, I feel like I'm limited in what I can suggest.  

What are some of your family's concerns about some of the things that would be incorporated into an Adventist ceremony?  What are some of the things that his family would be concerned about if it wasn't?  

You have plenty of time to work through this.  Both of my sisters planned their weddings in 4 months.  So don't worry about it right now but keep talking with your FI and if you can help with some of the answers to my questions, I might be able to offer better advice.

Also, I should say that when this is worked out, you need to go through pre-marital preparation to talk about how you will handle things with different theological beliefs.  As GJones said, it will be especially important to work through before having children.  You'll want to be on the same page with how you raise them.

GJones27

Where does your FI stand in all of this?  Would he convert?  If he is, I'd ignore the wishes of the parents, as ultimately it's your decision.  You could also look a bit more to find somone willing to do an interfaith marriage.  You may be able to find someone.

But I'm less worried about the ceremony itself as about getting along during marriage.  What will you raise your kids?  I think those are some issues to talk about before getting married.

Hope you two work something out!

sdomi639

Thank you so much.  We both love each other so much.  Please keep us in your prayers..

kellya01

I don't have much advice to offer but I can definitely pray for you and your FI to seek the will of God in all of this.  

heyimbren

I'm Baptist and my BF is SDA. We've discussed our religous beliefs and we both know where the other stands, and what we'll do when it comes to marriage and raising a family.

The main thing we differ on is the day of worship - SDA worship on what they call the Sabbath (Saturday) and I attend on Sundays. However, we both agreed that it matters less about WHAT day we worship on, rather than that we have one day set aside for worship per week.

The important thing is that as a couple you discuss these questions with each other and that you're both willing to bend a little.

It will also depend on what sort of SDA he is, and what sort of Baptist you are. Denomination labels matter less and less these days as there is such a wide spectrum of beliefs. There are the more traditional SDA groups who consider things like prophesy, vegetarianism, and modest dress to be extremely important, and others who are more liberal. Just like more conservative Baptists may not support alcohol, dancing, and card games and there are more liberal followers as well.

If you have any more questions about that, feel free to ask me on here or PM me. This was something that was a huge concern of mine just over a year ago as well.

One other thing I really want to emphasize- with something like religious beliefs, it may not matter how much you love each other. There are some things that are dealbreakers for people, and religion often is one of those things. Love doesn't always conquer all, and you two need to discuss and communicate with each other what your beliefs are and how you can compromise on that.

ETA: Just to add something else... I try not to determine which denominations are "Christian" and which are not (besides a couple exceptions) and try to base it on the individual instead. BF is clearly a Christian as I can see in his beliefs (acknowledging sin, a need for salvation, and a belief in Christ as our Redeemer, and a new life bearing fruit of the Spirit) and in his own life as well. So I wouldn't write off someone's beliefs as not being Christian because they don't follow yours to a T.

Beazilla

Seventh Day Adventists are Christians, so even if you had a Adventist ceremony, you'd still be having a Christian ceremony, but you might not be able to get married in an SDA church if you're not SDA. So is the problem that his pastor won't marry you two because you're not SDA? Would his pastor be willing to participate in an interdenominational ceremony along with another pastor or could you use the SDA marriage ceremony with a non-SDA pastor*?


*It's not as crazy as it sounds. FI wanted his step-father to conduct the ceremony and I wanted a Lutheran ceremony, so even though his step-father is a Church of Christ pastor, he using the Lutheran liturgy and ceremony to marry us.