Please pray...

mrandmrsbrist

I decided to live with my parents until the wedding (in less than 3 weeks) after I was laid off and I was only given 10 hours at the library.

Since I'm not doing anything, I paid for a one month membership at a gym, that starts today. I was looking for a bag to put all my stuff for the gym in since all of mine are at our apartment two and a half hours away. I was in my sisters closet and I pulled out a bag she never uses and a bunch of birth control fell out.

She's almost 17, but she's so very immature. She will be starting her junior year of high school in the fall. And she's been dating her boyfriend for just under 8 months. I'm not sure what to do. I put it back in the bag and left her room, but I don't know if I should mention it to my parents, talk to her about it, or just completely let it go. I'll never be able to forgive myself if she has an accident and winds up pregnant.

Please pray for wisdom for me. I'm definitely praying about this and will be praying for a few days before I do anything. Thanks, ladies!

joie424

Can you talk to her directly? Are you guys close?

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_please-pray-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3348502f-83db-440c-9596-0405cdff89b8Post:6a8d78d1-9672-4695-84d5-fcb732752db7">Re: Please pray...</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you talk to her directly? Are you guys close?
Posted by joie424[/QUOTE]

I'm really torn. We're close, but I know she views me as the "goody two shoes" of the family because FI and I have followed all of my parents rules through dating and are waiting until marriage. So I feel like it would go in one ear and out the other, you know?

SuMmErKuTiE

Definitely praying!

I wouldn't talk to your parents about it because that could cause a rift in your relationship with your sister and lose her trust, or it could alarm your parents for no reason if she's not sexually active. But I would talk to her about it. Unfortunately, many girls her age are sexually active, but I'm glad to see at least she's taking the pill instead of being naive and thinking "it would never happen to me". Also, look on the bright side, just because she's on the pill doesn't mean she's having sex. Some people take the pill to regulate their cycle, to clear up their skin, and/or to help relieve alot of menstrual cycle symptoms such as fatigue, bloating, cramps, irritability, etc.. (wow I just sounded like a commercial) But she may be on the pill with the thoughts of becoming sexually active and being protected against unwanted pregnancy. There are a ton of possibilities so you're not going to know unless you talk to her. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, let her know you're praying for her and that you're always there when she is ready to talk.

yodacub

I'll be praying for you and her.

Could you find a way to bring it up without directly mentioning finding birth control - ie ask her how her relationship is going and see if it can come up more naturally?

joie424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_please-pray-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3348502f-83db-440c-9596-0405cdff89b8Post:ecf1c28e-94ba-450a-b0ec-7833736f2c02">Please pray...</a>:
[QUOTE]I decided to live with my parents until the wedding (in less than 3 weeks) after I was laid off and I was only given 10 hours at the library. Since I'm not doing anything, I paid for a one month membership at a gym, that starts today. I was looking for a bag to put all my stuff for the gym in since all of mine are at our apartment two and a half hours away. I was in my sisters closet and I pulled out a bag she never uses and a bunch of birth control fell out. She's almost 17, but she's so very immature. She will be starting her junior year of high school in the fall. And she's been dating her boyfriend for just under 8 months. I'm not sure what to do. I put it back in the bag and left her room, but I don't know if I should mention it to my parents, talk to her about it, or just completely let it go. I'll never be able to forgive myself if she has an accident and winds up pregnant. Please pray for wisdom for me. I'm definitely praying about this and will be praying for a few days before I do anything. Thanks, ladies!
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

I would still talk to her. Honestly I agree with PPs who say telling your parents would probably not be a good idea, unless you felt like she was in danger. I think its at least worth it to tell her how you feel. Maybe sit down and tell her you understand the desire to have sex and you just want to talk about it with her - maybe get a bigger picture. The other thing is, were there pills missing from the pack? I'm just curious because maybe she got them thinking she may have sex in the future, and shes not actually having sex now.

letyourselfgo

I'm praying for you both, and agree: communication is essential. Just talk to her.

Purple&7

Praying for ya'll!

sessionswedding

BC pills can be used to treat everything from night sweats to PCOS to stubborn acne.  And for all you know, your sister was hiding that in there for someone else.  By "a whole bunch," do you mean several months' worth?

ETA:  I started the pill right after I turned 16 for suspected PCOS.  I have been on it ever since.  Doesn't mean I've been having sex ever since.

jessiegirl61610

I would talk to her directly-but hopefully she's using the BC for other things.  I've always had really irregular, heavy periods (sorry if that was TMI), so I was started being on BC since I was 16 in order to make my periods more predictable and regular, so she could be on it for something else besides trying to prevent pregnancy

ochemjenn

Did she say you could go in her closet?  If she did, I think you can come right and and say, "Hey, sis, I found some birth control when I was getting a bag.  I hope everything is ok.  If you're using it as a contraceptive, make sure you use condoms too, as a back up."

If she didn't specifically say you could go in her closet, easing into it like yodacub suggested just asking about her relationship sounds like a great idea.  Depending on how comfortable you are talking about sure things, maybe you could say something about looking forward to being with your husband and what you're going to do before you're ready for children.  I don't know if that would be appropriate or not - I have no experience with 17 year olds.

If she tells you she is having sex, let her know that you're glad she's being careful.

Unless you think she's engaging is dangerous activity (like unprotected sex with multiple partners, which doesn't seem to be the case), I wouldn't say anything to your parents.

And to reiterate what pp have said, there are plenty of non-contraceptive reasons to go on BC.  I would have loved to have taken it at that age (mother wouldn't allow) for regular periods and to help with acne.  Sorry if that was TMI.

mrandmrsbrist

There are easily 5 unopened packs, one that is open with pills missing, and several of the wrappers from used packs, so she's been on it for at least a few months. I've never been on birth control myself, but the packs looked kind of small, if that makes sense.

I did have permission to be in her closet, so I'll talk to her sometime. Probably after her birthday since that's coming up this week.

sessionswedding

She really shouldn't have more than about a 3 month supply at one time.  That is really strange.  I would want to know where she got them.

mrandmrsbrist

Sessions, sending you a PM.

GJones27

I would talk directly, as she may not be active.  Maybe it's because her periods are really heavy, and the cramps are awful.  Or maybe it's for mood stabilization.  There are plenty of medical reasons to be on it.

drama1308

I agree with pps, I would talk with her instead of yoru parents. If she gave you permission to be her closet she knew there was a possibility you would find them.

She could be on BC for other medical reasons but I would wait for her to explain it to you before you confront her.

EDIT: oh and I'm praying for you!

iamjoesgurl

Sorry that you are in such a difficult situation.  I would imagine that since you've waited, you value that.  So hopefully you can communicate to her why you value that.

When I was in high school, my sister had unprotected sex with a few guys that she barely knew.  It broke my heart because I felt that she should save herself for her future husband.  She knew how I felt (I'm sure we talked about it).  And later in life, she came to feel the same way and regret those "relationships".

I would say that although I don't know how your relationship is with your sister, I think she will appreciate your care and concern for her.  Maybe not now, but someday.  

FaithCaitlin

Oh wow, I'm sorry you're in this situation! I'll be praying!

Like the girls have said, talk to her directly about this, not your parents.

Keep us updated.

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_please-pray-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3348502f-83db-440c-9596-0405cdff89b8Post:770a0153-a686-47f0-9c8a-5e22a055cec1">Re: Please pray...</a>:
[QUOTE]Sessions, sending you a PM.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
YGPM back.