Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far

joysyear

Hey Knotties,

So my fiance and I are doing the love dare with my church. It's a marriage seminar. It's been so amazing. Some of the things in it we cant' do  because we aren't married yet . But i'm learning how to really love him in a Godly way and where both learning how to celebrate the differences in men and women. I love it. I just wanted to know if anyone else has taken the Love Dare and also are you planning on doing any premarital counsling

faith415

We haven't done the Love Dare, but it looks wonderful. I know the movie Fireproof was amazing!
We're reading Five Love Languages and Sheet Music in our marriage counseling!

RebeccaJac

I actually hated Fireproof haha. It's too cliche for me, but I know many people enjoy it. 

We are in the middle of some pretty intense premarital counseling. We've done personality assesments, read books, had homework for each session and thus far we've gotten a lot out of it. We read His Needs Her Needs and while I didn't agree with the philospohy of everything, I did get quite a bit out of it. We're also planning to read Love & Respect and a few others that are required for our counseling. 

In addition to counseling, we're attending a 1 day seminar called "Engaged Encounter" and hoping to get a lot out of that. 

I think Financial Peace University should be a pre-requisit to anyone who is getting married! We finished that up and it was awesome! 

FaithCaitlin

I know I'll be in the minority for this one but FI and I aren't doing pre-marital counseling. We've grown up together and been together for almost 6 years; we have known we were getting married since the beginning of our relationship and started discussing issues then. We've read the Five Love Languages and talked about pretty much everything that we would talk about in any counseling session--plus my cousin does counseling and I've seen all the material from one of the more popular sessions. To each their own, right?

Glad to hear you're enjoying Love Dare! We caught a few sessions of it at Church and really enjoyed it!

RebeccaJac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:81ad84bf-1cd1-4768-a7e6-ca9676b8894c">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I'll be in the minority for this one but FI and I aren't doing pre-marital counseling. We've grown up together and been together for almost 6 years; we have known we were getting married since the beginning of our relationship and started discussing issues then. We've read the Five Love Languages and <strong>talked about pretty much everything that we would talk about in any counseling session</strong>. To each their own, right? ;) Glad to hear you're enjoying Love Dare! We caught a few sessions of it at Church and really enjoyed it!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]

<div>My undergrad is in Relational Communication and there was still things brought up in premarital counseling that I wouldn't even think to talk about simply because I've never been married. You kind of don't know what you're getting until you're in it. </div>

FaithCaitlin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:8eb9a84e-18cf-479e-86f0-8bca055230a0">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far : My undergrad is in Relational Communication and there was still things brought up in premarital counseling that I wouldn't even think to talk about simply because I've never been married. You kind of don't know what you're getting until you're in it. 
Posted by RebeccaJac[/QUOTE]
I'll believe that. But I also know that plenty of people have had successful marriages without counseling.<div>
</div><div>I'm curious- what are some of the issues that are brought up that many people don't think about?</div>

fpaemp2011

We haven't read "Love Dare."  Our premarital class went through "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts."  We also read "For Men Only," "For Women Only," "Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti," "Love and Respect," and the pre-wedding chapters of "Sheet Music" before the wedding.  I would strongly recommend all of them.

I recently read "Let Me Be a Woman" by Elisabeth Elliott (widow of Jim Elliott- End of the Spear) and it was INCREDIBLE!  Absolutely loved it.

FaithCaitlin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:08086f06-e79a-4b45-a1b9-ad7f52670d6b">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't read "Love Dare."  Our premarital class went through "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts."  We also read "For Men Only," "For Women Only," "Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti," "Love and Respect," and the pre-wedding chapters of "Sheet Music" before the wedding.  I would strongly recommend all of them. I recently read "Let Me Be a Woman" by Elisabeth Elliott (widow of Jim Elliott- End of the Spear) and it was INCREDIBLE!  Absolutely loved it.
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the book recommendations-- much more our style!

fpaemp2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:93304f87-cbf0-4748-a57b-97298c2702a5">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far : Thanks for the book recommendations-- much more our style!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]
If you do Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, get the Workbook for Men and Workbook for Women, too.  We got more out of the "homework" than reading the book, but the book will tell you which sections of the workbook go with the chapter you're reading.

joysyear

Wow how exciting,  I can't wait to check out all these new resources I just obtained from you ladies. Thanks alot, I'm going to contact my pastor today and see when we can schedule our counsling to start.


Have a blessed day

mrandmrsbrist

We did counseling with a minister from our church. No books for us.

RebeccaJac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:93304f87-cbf0-4748-a57b-97298c2702a5">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far : Thanks for the book recommendations-- much more our style!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>A lot of really subtle things. Hard to remember off the top of my head, it has been quite a while since our last session but I do remember frequently thinking that I had never thought of that before and it may have just been shocking because I felt as if I came in knowing quite a bit. I'll keep thinking on it and try to remember the specifics. </div><div>
</div><div>I think meeting wtih someone who is already married (and has a marriage you want to emulate) would be sufficient for getting the things you don't know to be thinking of. Even a couple in their first years of marriage and asking what things surprised them. </div>

kipnus

How many months before the wedding are you supposed to start the premarital counseling process? We mentioned it to our pastor as soon as we got engaged, but he made it sound like it wouldn't take very long--no big rush. We have read The Five Love Languages together, and would like to pick up some more books along those lines. I'm also grateful for those book recommendations!

joysyear

I'm going to have to get that five love languages book it seems that so many of you have read it. I going to check my local library this week. I can't wait

DramaGeek

Our church required premarital counseling, so we did it.  Our pastor was actually really surprised because we had worked through everything that he brought up, but it was kind of a defense mechanism for us.  Since we were so young when we got engaged, and still in college, we were concerned my parents wouldn't be happy with the decision.  We spent hours in the week before we told them we'd set a date for a wedding discussing everything from where we'd live to how we'd pay the bills and everything in between.  In some respects, it was probably overkill - I think we did the budget 10 or 12 times! - but I'm glad we did it.

I do remember we did this survey thing where we had to put a list of things in order of priority.  We each did our own and then compared.  We were somewhat off base of "normal" because I had sex higher on my list than most women and H had it lower on his than most men :-P

ETA - I'm not sure I could get behind the Love Dare book just because it's connected to Fireproof.  H and I can't even bring ourselves to watch the movie, the trailer is that bad.

fpaemp2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:5844ba99-0a81-4442-9e59-f5d1ebf037ca">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]How many months before the wedding are you supposed to start the premarital counseling process? 
Posted by kipnus[/QUOTE]<div>We did ours 9 months before the wedding (we got married in June) for several reasons.  </div><div>
</div><div>1) We knew we wanted to do premarital counseling together, and not over Skype. DH was graduating in December and, at that point, we didn't know where he would be during the spring semester.  (He ended up 1100 miles away).</div><div>
</div><div>2) We knew we needed to find our own counseling, and we weren't thrilled about the idea of taking the huge 30+ couple class our Campus Pastor's Office offered.  His dad married us and all 3 of us knew it wouldn't be appropriate for him to do the counseling.  Also, H's parents live 4 hours away from the university we attended. </div><div>
</div><div>3) The class we took was an 8-week Sunday School class at a church in our college town.  It came highly recommended from several of our married friends, so we went ahead and signed up for the September-November class.  There was one other couple in the class with us, and they got married the same day we did.</div><div>
</div><div>DH's dad usually likes to start counseling about 4 months out, meeting once(ish) a month, so they have time for more meetings if they're needed.</div><div>
</div><div>EDIT- Our class also included the PREPARE/ENRICH survey, which didn't bring out anything shocking, but we were able to talk through the "disagreements"/differences with our mentor couple, which we probably wouldn't have brought up without the survey.</div><div>
</div>

mattycam

We did premarital counselling and highly recommend it! We didn't do "Love Dare" we did another marriage enrichment course that brought out a lot of potential issues and prepared us for married life. We started our premarital counselling 6 months before our day.

Two books that I would recommend you all to read:
"Now you're speaking my language" by Gary Chapman
"The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omaritan

I have also read (and own) The five love languages and it was actually a book I read while DH and I were courting. I found it to be a great book. I know it's divided on this post but I actually enjoyed Fireproof and thought it was a well done Christian movie compared to others out there!

joysyear

Wow counsling at 6 to 9 months out. My pastor is asking us to begin about a month or two before the wedding. But I thinks it's also because where doing the love dare right now and that's starting the preparation.
Fireproof is challanging to watch but it really gives you a good look on what really happens in relationships, How the little things we don't relize that we are neglecting to do can become big area's of concern in our lives. I also really enjoyed how they showed the impact our friends have on the choices we make in our relationships.

Mattycam- I'm going to get the power of a praying wife and look into getting now your speaking my language.

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:9ecc7388-d8b0-4d2f-bb6c-591f405bbb4b">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE] Fireproof is challanging to watch but it really gives you a good look on what really happens in relationships, How the little things we don't relize that we are neglecting to do can become big area's of concern in our lives. I also really enjoyed how they showed the impact our friends have on the choices we make in our relationships. Posted by joysyear[/QUOTE]

That is exactly why I can appreciate the movie.

WestCoastGirl05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_love-dare-marriage-preparation-of-done-thus-far?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:3852bf2f-99e0-45aa-a2f7-49fdbf535bfePost:81ad84bf-1cd1-4768-a7e6-ca9676b8894c">Re: Love Dare is the best marriage preparation of done thus far</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I'll be in the minority for this one but FI and I aren't doing pre-marital counseling. We've grown up together and been together for almost 6 years; we have known we were getting married since the beginning of our relationship and started discussing issues then. We've read the Five Love Languages and talked about pretty much everything that we would talk about in any counseling session--plus my cousin does counseling and I've seen all the material from one of the more popular sessions. To each their own, right? ;) Glad to hear you're enjoying Love Dare! We caught a few sessions of it at Church and really enjoyed it!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]

I'm actually with you on this one.. I've been a youth pastor myself for a few years, and I know plenty of succesful couples who had pre-marital counseling, and then those who had pre-marital counseling that actually didnt work out. I dont have anything against it per-say... I only dislike how a lot of churches make it seem like something that will make all the difference in the world. I think each couple should be entitled to their opinion of what they think is best.

EmDeVine14

We're looking into counseling, we come from very different family and dating backgrounds and already know we're going to face some emotional challenges in the future. We are going to start the Love Dare 2 days before Thanksgiving to finish off the year strong and then Jan 1 we're going to start the 40 day Purpose Driven Life. I've gone through it before with Rick Warren actually teaching the devotions and I think it's a really good book to help align your individual purpose.

We're also going to read the 5 Love Languages and The 5 Languages of an Apology.

I haven't told him yet, but I just started Fascinating Womanhood, it's very much promoting the one-income nuclear family. Which I understand we don't all agree with or can't all do. 

Other books I like: Seven Levels of Intimacy, anything Mars and Venus (for a lighter read), Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti and His Needs, Her Needs

DramaGeek

LoveBirds, does Fascinating Womanhood promote one income families or families with SAHW/M?  What is their reasoning for doing so?  While I doubt I agree with it, I am curious about what it says.

joysyear

It's challanging having a one income family but honestly if i could afford it. I would stay home with my children.

lulubella2011

We went to premarital counseling.  We wanted to and it was a prerequiste for our pastor marrying us.  It was 3  - hour and a half sessions and the pastor talked with us about money management, and sex.  My church had already done and finished a church wide focus on Finacial Peace U.  Neither one of us had debt so it was a pretty easy session.  The sex part wasn't that bad; it was mainly reiterating to treat each other with love , patience, and respect and the pastor recomended a few books: mainly the 5 love languages and His Needs, Her needs.  We read Sheet Music on our own after recomendations on a FAM site.

joysyear

We start pre-marital counsling on Nov 6th. I'm looking forward to it. Especially since we are going to be a blended family. I could use all the advice I can get.