Communication

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

FI and I are always working on our communication, as it's always something to work on - but sometimes I just wonder what he's thinking.  :P  I love him to pieces but sometimes he's such a guy!!  Tonight I tried to explain to him over the phone, how to take a blanket and fold it in half, then slide the half done puzzle onto the blanket and roll it up.  Simple right?  Not for FI!!  He told me, "I just can't do it."  Mainly because I think he's afraid he won't get it right.  Poor guy - it's just a puzzle, I wouldn't get upset!!  So we finally ended the conversation with him saying, "Well, I'm going to do it my way, and you're not going to really like it, but it'll work."  I just laughed and said ok.  Sometimes I just don't understand their train of thought!!  :P

And the other night FI and I, and his best friend and my best friend (who are dating) were at the same place, only across the stadium from each other.  FI and his best friend were on the phone for 5 minutes trying to find each other across the stadium.  I asked FI to tell his best friend to give the phone to my best friend, and then I took the phone.  Within 15 SECONDS she and I had found each other, and it took her another 2 minutes to show her guy where we were.  Men!! 

GJones27

Yeah, communication is a strange thing.  Fortunately, though, my FI is really good at it and very intuitive, more so than me.  He's Brazilian, and I think their culture puts more of an emphasis in trying to understand others.  However, we have had cultural communication clashes.  For example, if my FI wanted to go to the movies, he would say, "I love movies."  In Brazilian culture, that is a polite way of saying "I want to go to the movies."  However, in American culture, we are more direct and state what we want to do.  He got hurt a  few times when I didn't get it, but now I do.

I think it takes a lot of practice and patience to build communication skills.  But I do think we get better over time.  Bridetobebecause, your FI will also improve with time, especially after you guys are living together.  Somehow, I think we start to pick these things up as we mature.

fpaemp2011

Have you read, "Men Are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti" by Bill & Pam Ferrel?  Also, "Cracking the Communication Code" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs (he also wrote "Love & Respect"), and "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn.  All are a.maz.ing when it comes to understanding and communicating with your boyfriend/finace/husband from a Christian perspective.

joyfulbride424

I second Love & Respect. That was an eye opener.

kellya01

Yeah, sometimes I have to remind myself that men think differently than us women!  I'll look at my FI sometimes and ask him something like "wouldn't some ice cream be really good right now?"  He says "yeah, sure."  So I go to get a bowl for me and for him... and he looks at me and says "but I didn't say I wanted any..."  LOL yeah, my interpretation of my question wasn't his by a long shot!  We've gotten a LOT better about figuring that part about and we are a lot more direct and communicate more clearly than we used to.  

joyfulbride424

Kelly - I know what you mean! Also is it me or are women better at "reading" men than men reading women? I don't know about all of you girls but M is kind of bad at reading woman signals, so instead of giving him the huffy puffy "please stop what you're doing..." he prefers if I just tell it to him straight, "please stop doing that, thanks "

azdancer8

Maybe DH and I are an exception, but he reads me REALLY well, better than I read him, even. Granted, I'm a pretty literal person (he teases me about it), so we're good at saying exactly what we mean most of the time. Yeah, there have been a few times where we've had to clarify for each other, but I think we communicate well.

FutureMrsBarron2011

Love and Respect helped us ALOT!! I love that book

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

I'll check those out!!  It really just amazes me how our brains can work two totally different ways.  We can figure out what the other wants, and know what the other is thinking in scenarios where we can't really talk about it (because we're in public) but it never ceases to amaze me how his brain works. 

FI and I had a chit chat last night about him needing to tell me what I need to work on as well as me telling him.  I have no problem discussing what bugs me or what I want, but he never gives input.  :P  He just "lets it go", but then it keeps bugging him so a week later he explodes and I didn't do anything wrong.  I explained it to him last night and he said he understands now, and will try to let me know what's going on before that.  Awesome!!  As long as we can talk and understand what the other is saying - we can keep moving forward!! 

perkins81

It's harder for me to read my boyfriend b/c he's pretty quiet and reserved most of the time and doesn't really show his emotions as much as I do. I'm normally a very bubbly person with a smile and he knows that when I get quiet, there's probably something wrong. He ALWAYS knows when I'm upset just by reading my body language. Sometimes I try to hide it b/c I'm actually upset over something petty and don't want to make it a big deal, but I can't fool him! (I would make a terrible poker player haha). The good thing, though, is that he doesn't ignore these moments. He always talks to me right away and helps me get it all out. Love him so much!!