Christian Weddings

Shower superstitions and ways to avoid hurt feelings

My first shower is next weekend and I'm a little bit nervous about comments that other people may say to others. I wasn't until I went to my cousin's shower this past weekend. My mom left her shower in tears because of what another lady said to her about the gift she brought. 

My cousin registered for a knife block set that my mom got for her. It was a really nice $100 Cuisinart 16 pc. set and, what's more, my mom had the best of intentions in buying this gift. She wanted to get something that my cousin would like and that would be useful in her new home. 

Well, when the bride opened the gift my mom had gotten her, this lady comes from the back of the room, in front of the entire shower, and asks "WHO got you that?" My cousin was obviously happy with the gift and was smiling and told her that my mom had given it to her. The lady told Whitney that you're not supposed to give anyone anything sharp unless you put a penny with it. Then the lady turns around and walks by my mom and tells her "You DON'T DO that." My mom and me were the only ones from that side of the family there so we only knew the bride and the mother of the bride. And this lady makes a heart-felt gift seem like an attempt to "cut the couples's love." I couldn't believe, first of all, that this lady believed in a stupid superstition like that and, second of all, believed in it enough to embarass my mother in front of a room full of people that she didn't know. My mother didn't do anything wrong yet she left feeling like an idiot. 

So...the point of this post is to get a little advice on how to avoid this kind of thing at my shower. I understand that you can't control others tongues, but there are things that can be done to avoid this type of situation. I felt that Saturday could have been avoided a bit by a few changes. The bride didn't really say anything while she was opening gifts. She was smiling and everything, but I've always been to showers where the bride calls out who got the gift, what it is for people who can't see it, and exclaims over how much she likes it and how beautiful it is. I plan to do all of these things. I feel that if these things had been done, it might have kept that lady from making my mother a public spectacle. However, as I said before, you can't control people so she might have said something anyway. So I feel that with all of that, if she had said something anyway (with the bride having registered for the gift and the bride publicly showing her appreciation and thanks), then the bride should say that she does not believe in superstitions and is very appreciative of the gift. What do you guys think? Do you have any other suggestions? And for the record, it will not be the same people at both showers. However, I want to do everything within my power to make sure that no one leaves in tears because of what someone else says to them. And if someone does say something like that, it will be addressed in a graceful manner that lets them know that I do not believe in superstitions but in a God who brought us together. 
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Re: Shower superstitions and ways to avoid hurt feelings

  • Don't invite people who will do stupid things like that.
    And, if someone does say something, stand up and say that superstitions are just that and with Jesus Christ on your side, you will succeed. If they continue to argue dismiss them.

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  • Crazy lady! I had two showers and nothing like this happened. Act normal during your shower and show true appreciation for your gifts. 99.99% sure that nobody will call anybody out during your shower.
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  • first off, I have never heard of that superstition.

    secondly, that person acted way out of line and shouldn't have said what she said.

    third, you aren't going to be able to control how people act and behave. Invite the people who mean the most to you and don't stress over about it. Just go with the flow and know the people are there to support your upcoming marriage. IF a scene does come up, I am sure it will get handled in the right manner.
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  • I also have never heard of that superstition before and I've literally been to countless showers. Countless.

    I had three showers and nothing like this happened at any of them. You can't control what people say/do and I would consider what happened there a freak occurance that most likely won't happen at your shower. If, by chance, something like that does happen, just ignore it and move on.
  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2012
    Being from the South, I know we tend to have some odd superstitions, but I've never heard of that.  It was completely inappropriate of the guest to make such a big deal (strike that...any sort of deal) about that in front of everyone, and if I had been the bride, it would have been hard for me to not say anything to the guest.  

    Like Ash said, there's no way to control your guests, but just make sure everyone knows their presence and gift are appreciated.
  • Um yeah, that lady was completely out of line and if I had witnessed that, there would have most certainly been words exchanged back at her, heh. Like PPs said, you can't control if people say stupid or offensive things, but just go with the flow. And if you have the gusto that I often do, there are ways to tactfully correct someone when they are being rude.
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  • FWIW I always heard you're supposed to include a penny for good luck when you give knives as gifts - steak knives or pocket knives or cutlery sets.  I've always done it!  But obviously I would never announce it at a shower!  She was out of line and rude.  Do your thing, you obviously seem on track with shower etiquette!  The only other piece of advice I have is to mentally prepare a thank you to all the guests before you get there - I was caught totally off guard when I realized (of course) that I would need to say a mini speech/thank you to everyone!
  • Thank you, ladies. As I said, I know that I can't control others so I'm not going into it thinking that I've got to monitor everything. However, I did want to do anything I could to avoid something like that happening at my shower and, if it did happen, handle it as gracefully as possible in a way that puts the one not at wrong at ease. Naomikb, that's very good advice. I have already been preparing a kind of speech for after I open the gifts. I don't want to plan the entire thing, but I am getting some things in mind so that I'm prepared. I will thank each person as I open the gifts and then thank everyone (and not just for the gifts but for being there for us our entire lives) afterwards. Thank you, ladies. :-)
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