Rant...

mrandmrsbrist

I just need somewhere to put this somewhere that no one I know in real life (ha, that's a funny way to say it) is going to see...

I have this friend. We've been best friends since the sixth grade. Our relationship hasn't always been close, but it's been that way majority of the time. We had a falling out about two years ago, but we picked things back up and decided to try again after a few months. I don't think our relationship has ever been the same since that.

Anyway, since I announced our engagement things have just be downright weird. She's struggled with depression (if you want to call it that) and uses it as an excuse for everything. When I announced my engagement, she didn't talk to me for a week. She posted things on Facebook about being upset, never finding a man, etc. I didn't know what to do because I can't relate to that, so I just ignored it.

After about a week, she texted me wanting to know when we were going shopping for bridesmaid dresses. I hadn't told her that FI and I were only planning on having family in the wedding party. I decided not to tell her that through text and called her. She flipped out and went into another depression episode and didn't talk to me for a few days.

My sister and I went shopping for her bridesmaid dress (she'll be the only one) and found two that we couldn't decide between. I sent my mom and FMIL pictures and sister sent a picture to her boyfriend. Best friend found out from someone that I sent family + sister's boyfriend pictures and not her flipped out again.

It's been pretty easy to ignore her up until today. It's been little things every couple of weeks that I've just been able to shrug off. But this morning I got a long winded Facebook message telling me that it's my wedding and I should stop letting other people make decisions for me and should just put my foot down and stop going back and forth about what I want. She told me that she didn't want to be included in the wedding, but it sucks that I'm at school and she's still in our hometown.

I don't even know what to do anymore. At this point, I don't even want her at the wedding because she's just going to get her feelings hurt again. Am I doing something wrong here?

Also, I'm realizing that this is extremely long. Sorry about that.

joyfulbride424

Sounds like a bad situation. I don't know but she sounds immature to me, whether or not she is clinically depressed. I would just be careful not to overshare anything with her and just be as civil and kind as possible so you are never to blame for any "outbursts". I would respond to that long winded facebook message with something like this, "Thanks so much for giving me advice. I really appreciate it. Don't worry, I'm not letting anyone get in the way of my decisions Thank you for caring about me so much to make sure of this". I wouldn't flat out ignore her - I would just be very civil and not share anything about my life at the same time.

Just wait it out - she could end up coming around, or she could end up declining on your wedding invite. I think not inviting her at all may also cause a huge problem if shes friends with your friends too. Just my 2 cents, I'm sorry you're going through this.

iamjoesgurl

Is she being treated for her depression?  I know what it is like to have a relationship with someone where you feel that you are always walking on eggshells and you don't know how they are going to take something that you say or do.  I usually try to express my love to my friend who is like this and pray that she will get help that she needs.  It might sound awful that I don't do more about it, but it is really beyond my control and the only thing it would do is bring me down too.  I understand what you are saying about inviting her but be really careful with that decision.  Not inviting her sounds like it may end the friendship.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

I have to agree with both girls. 

I have a friend I used to be best friends with but we had a falling out.  I tried mending it and we came back together but now she won't talk to me.  She had a horrible downfall with drugs (which she's still doing) and drinking.  I've been there for her, and told her I was, and that I knew what was going on but I wanted to hear it from her, whenever she was ready but I wouldn't force her.  Now I found out she's jealous of what I have with FI because deep down she knows the guy she's with isn't what she deserves.  I tell her I love her on Facebook or over a text every few days and never get a response, or hardly ever.

I know it's hard to keep shelling out love and understanding - it's a challenge.  Just keep being nice to her, staying calm, loving her.  You still want her at the wedding, and it's her decision whether she comes or not.  You're doing all you can, just continue to trust Him and take a deep breath. 

AshNoel8

You are not dong anything wrong. Maybe she does need treatment for depression. I will pray for you both. 

mrandmrsbrist

Thanks, ladies.

No, she isn't being treated for her depression. I agree that she's being immature, but I should still invite her. Talking about the wedding as little as possible around her is also a good suggestion.

You guys rock. Thanks so much.