The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage

DramaGeek

(no, I'm not a fan of the Dr Laura book, I just liked the way the title sounded!)

This is just a reminder to everyone to take care of your relationship.  It may seem silly right now, but there will come a point where you have to make a conscious effort to connect with your spouse.  What you are right now so excited for - the living together, just doing life together - you will one day take for granted.  You will wake up and realize that you and your husband are not connecting and you will need to make the time to do so.  Sometimes that can be a simple date night, but other times you will need to take a few days and get away from life.

H and I just got back from one of those trips.  A few years ago, we let things get so bad that it nearly broke us.  We weren't connecting, we were just going through life, and I suddenly realized we were living more as roommates than partners, friends, and lovers.  It took a lot of tears and hard work, but we made it out of that.  A few weeks ago I realized that we were falling into that rut again.  H was getting snippy and ignoring me, I was feeling ignored and didn't want to do anything except sit around, and we were just being nitpicky at each other and overall not having a great life.

We decided to get away for a couple of days and went camping at the beach.  Let me tell you, that time away was exactly what we needed.  It allowed us to be together without other distractions, to focus on one another and our relationship, and to be in each other's company in a relaxed state.  There was nothing to worry about, no schedule to follow, nothing to do except relax and enjoy each other's company.

It just reminded me that relationships need nurturing.  They don't have to be all hard work all the time, but if you let it go on autopilot at some point you will crash and burn.

orangehills

Very true! I'm always going to have to remind myself of that. It's nice to see a long time married post it, just to remind us that those times are normal too and that you can work through them!

GJones27

I kind of worry about this given that my husband and I will likely have demanding careers.  I can totally see how vacation time is very important.  As well as doing things that are new and exciting together. 

jenningz

So true - we already try and make time for this. We already have set a routine of having 'date night' once a month. So that, when we get married, have kids etc. It's already something we do, a time where we can hang out and just be together

mrandmrsbrist

Thanks for the reminder. I can definitely see how making that concious effort can get away from me so easily and most likely without even realizing it. And I am sooo glad you guys were able to get away and reconnect!

Where did you end up going, btw? I saw your posts on FB and I think we're probably going to try to go out that way again before the baby is born but I don't necessarily want to go back to Pacific City.

mrandmrsbrist

Um, I also definitely thought of Dr. Laura when I read the title. But I believe the title is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" :P

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:4e1b5419-0e6c-45c8-a3f6-11ab14ab71a6Post:48bee9a3-3ea5-4010-a109-6d30f94c3fbf">Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, I also definitely thought of Dr. Laura when I read the title. ;) But I believe the title is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" :P
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, that's the actual title.  And I hate the book.  I couldn't get all the way through it because it's so....sexist.  Awful.  But I liked the way it sounded with Marriage instead of Husband :-P</div><div>
</div><div>We went to Cape Lookout State Park in Tillamook.  It was fantastic.  We tent camped, but they have yurts too, if you wanted something a little more comfortable.  We're hoping to head back in August.</div>

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:4e1b5419-0e6c-45c8-a3f6-11ab14ab71a6Post:965db486-9ed0-4f04-aba2-005197610498">Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage : Yes, that's the actual title.  And I hate the book.  I couldn't get all the way through it because it's so....sexist.  Awful.  But I liked the way it sounded with Marriage instead of Husband :-P We went to Cape Lookout State Park in Tillamook.  It was fantastic.  We tent camped, but they have yurts too, if you wanted something a little more comfortable.  We're hoping to head back in August.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>My parents and my IL's have read it. It might actually be on the shelf downstairs. They loved it, so I can imagine I would hate it. Ha!</div><div>
</div><div>Oooh, yurts. :) When we were in Pacific City, we actually bought a digital camera at the Fred Meyer in Tillamook. H didn't have one and the one I had was 4+ years old and super beat up. We had the cash and we wanted pictures, so we figured, "Why not?" Haha. </div>

ravenray

This is a great post and reminder.  We are often guilty of getting too swept up in our lives to think about the other person.

sessionswedding

This is a great reminder!  DH and I have a habit of sitting on the couch together and being a milion miles away from each other.  With our anniversary coming up in a couple months, I'm hoping we're able to take a short break and get away somewhere together.

GunzNRoses213

I will be starting nursing school ... lol just gen ed classes this first year but none the less... And we currently live apart/45 min away ...

I will be oh so happy to actually talk to him in person and not wait for the phone... Although weekends we have together now get so full ...

Thanks for that insight/reminder from somebody that knows .