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Embarrassing question

Re: Embarrassing question

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    edited December 2011
    do not be embarressed for this question at all!!!!

    here is what i know - i am not an expert at all!!!

    More often women have already broken their hymen prior to having sex (i.e. using a tampon, exercising, horseback riding, etc). The hymen is just a membrane (thin layer of skin) that surrounds or partially covers the vaginal opening. 

    In some cases there may be no bleeding..since it was broken prior to intercourse...or light bleeding. My friend (who was a virgin on her wedding night) said that she bled A LOT! But she never even used a tampon before! 

    I think that for every woman it will be a different experience. Afterall the hymenal opening increases with age.....so it may be smaller (less blood). 

    Don't let the worry of the blood (or lack thereof..or to much or whatever) distract you on your wonderful wedding night! The bleeding shouldnt last long since it is such a small and thin layer of skin. (:

    Coming from a hotel standpoint (i work front desk at a hotel)...dont even worry about a little blood. if you want...when you check in you can ask for an extra sheet (trust me..they wont ask why!) and you can put that down for the "first time" if you are worried....that way you can remove it afterwards and still have a fresh clean sheet. but i am SURRREE the hotel has seen  ALOT worse then a tiny bit of hymen blood. (: 

    hope that helps a little. 
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    eternalmariaeternalmaria member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've wondered that too actually, don't be embarrassed! You're probably one of many wondering...Sorry that I don't have any light to shed on the subject! I think I'm more nervous about what it will feel like...Like, pain? No pain?

    Although, I am wondering if using tampons would make a difference or not in these situations...not *while* doing it, haha, but like, if you've used them in the past, it may make a difference? I don't know...
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    GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    i really don't think that there will be that much blood. :)
    its such a small, thin layer of skin. it won't be the least bit distracting or anything. 

    its a beautiful thing! 

    so proud of you both for waiting!!! 
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    edited December 2011
    GJones - sometimes it just stretches and goes away over time. I would recommend at least trying to put a tampon in so you're not 100% shocked by something going in there. I'm no expert either, I'm relaying what I was told :)

    If you have a GYN appt sometime between now and the wedding you can ask if your hymen is still intact, they'll be able to tell you right away.

    p.s. don't be embarassed :)
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    edited December 2011
    also...dont be worried about the pain! 

    dont let that distract you! (:
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    eternalmariaeternalmaria member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha thanks for the advice! I'm sure once it's our wedding night, I'll be alright with it, just now...it's a big adjustment! :)
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    squeakyducksqueakyduck member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lube will be your friend. Don't forget it. And yes, it hurts a little. But you won't be thinking about it for long. You won't notice any pain until afterwards. Take some panty liners for the next day. And you will also probably get a UTI. Urinate ASAP afterwards (or at least before you go to sleep.) to help reduce the chance of that. 

    You can always put a towel or something down if you're worried about the sheets. But I'm sure those sheets have seen worse. 

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    edited December 2011
    You may bleed a little, a lot, or not at all.  My advice would be to put down a towel just in case and pack some panty liners.  Don't worry though, it won't bleed to the extent you bleed when getting a period.

    ETA:  Also, if you've never even used a tampon before, it will probably hurt and bleed more than normal.  Be prepared for blood and discomfort.  You may even feel discomfort after the first few times you've done it.  This is normal.  Don't worry.
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    edited December 2011
    I couldn't say it better than PP's.  I'm not a virgin (sadly) but I remember it only hurt a tiny bit, and there was no blood.  I highly recommend tryin out a tampon a few times!!  I know some ladies it's really hard to use tampons, but it definitely won't be so scary when you're in that awesome time with your new DH.  Awesome job you ladies waiting!!  Also, I never got any infection so yes, it might be nice to shower with DH after a bit of cuddling or something, but don't freak right after and say you HAVE to shower.  :P

    I promise - nothing for you ladies to be afraid of!!


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    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I hurt significantly (enough that H wanted to stop) and I've used tampons, been active, etc. so there's no guarantee either way.  I bled just enough that it was noticeable on TP but no more than that.  I was very sore the next day, too.  I thought originally it was from hauling a 40 pound strapless dress around on my hips, but it was very likely from having sex for the first time too.  It hurt a few more times after, but we powered through and it didn't take long and it didn't hurt at all.

    Like someone else mentioned, lube is your friend.  Do not be afraid to be generous with it!  Take it slow and communicate with your husband.  The communication is key, I think.

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    GJones27GJones27 member
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    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:d4b8c253-3df6-44e7-bbfc-831edf9c2ea0">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, ladies.  I'm too uncomfortable using tampons; I just can't bring myself to stick something up there.  I'm very squeamish about such stuff; I'm struggling right now to even put on contacts.  Even if I wanted to use tampons, I'm not sure I'd have the opportunity.  My OBGYN put me on a birth control pill where even when i stop it, I don't have my period or it's extremely light.   (I'm not pregnant, as there's no way I could be). <strong> I hear it's bad to put in tampons when you're not bleeding, as they can get stuck.  </strong>One of my friends tried to put in a tampon when not on her period, and she couldn't get it out for a long time! Yeah, so I feel both terrified and excited about the first time... just want to get past it so it's easy coasting from there on.  It's just 2.5 months away...
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    I don't know if they get stuck, but they are way hard to get out.. ouch. Yeah if you're not bleeding I would not put one in either :)
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    azdancer8azdancer8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also hurt quite a bit the first time - DH saw me crying and wanted to stop, but I told him to keep trying. I think maybe my hymen was still intact, but I never bled, so I'm not sure. The second time we tried, though, it just clicked. Like PPs said, lube is your friend. And the more nervous and tense you are, the harder it will be. Just remember that your FI loves you and will not try to hurt you. Communicate how and what you are feeling and take it slowly. And try to relax if you can. Sex is a beautiful thing.

    Side note: I had a really hard time wearing tampons before sex, but now I can wear them with no problems. I guess my body is just more used to the idea?

    ETA: Another tip - put a pillow under your hips. It makes things a little easier physically the first few times, IMO.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i did not bleed my first time, but i had used tampons for years.

    it also did not hurt, but i was fully relaxed and everythign felt right - no nerves.  i think alot of times pain comes if you are not relaxed, comfortable and at ease.  of course, your size and his size factors in as well.
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    mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think it's wonderful that you are waiting until your wedding night (as God wanted us to do) and it will definately be worth the wait, blood or no blood. The advice already given to you is dead-on!

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    edited December 2011

    Anyone ever read the book Sheet Music?  In it, the author suggests that virgin women visit their OBGYN to talk to them about having their hymen broken or stretched by medical means before the wedding night.  He says basically that it's stupid to go into it knowing it will cause you pain and bloodshed if medical technology can prevent that.

    @Azdancer:  it's not that your body is more used to the idea, it's that your body is slightly bigger.  That's part of the pain, your vaginal wall actually stretches out during your first few times.

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    mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:af7b39c0-9233-493f-ac23-4a2dde8c9f1b">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone ever read the book Sheet Music?  In it, the author suggests that virgin women visit their OBGYN to talk to them about <strong>having their hymen broken or stretched by medical means before the wedding night.</strong>  He says basically that it's stupid to go into it knowing it will cause you pain and bloodshed if medical technology can prevent that. @Azdancer:  it's not that your body is more used to the idea, it's that your body is slightly bigger.  That's part of the pain, your vaginal wall actually stretches out during your first few times.
    Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

    That's a new concept. Never heard of it...
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    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Anyone ever read the book Sheet Music?  In it, the author suggests that virgin women visit their OBGYN to talk to them about having their <strong>hymen broken or stretched by medical means</strong> before the wedding night.  He says basically that it's stupid to go into it knowing it will cause you pain and bloodshed if medical technology can prevent that. @Azdancer:  it's not that your body is more used to the idea, it's that your body is slightly bigger.  That's part of the pain, your vaginal wall actually stretches out during your first few times.
    Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

    I hadn't heard that either.  Huh...


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    edited December 2011
    My SIL got her hymen removed surgically a couple of months before the wedding.  I plan to go to an OB/Gyn to get the same thing examined to make sure they don't need to do anything to remove it because I for ONE do not want pain when it can be prevented by a simple procedure!! 

    I would also recommend "Sheet Music" - I started reading the first 4 chapters and the "for men only" and "for women only" chapters like the author suggests for pre-marital reading, and it really has opened up my eyes to things that I think I would personally be embarrassed to ask anyone in person.  My FI is reading it now and he has said the same thing as well.  


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    edited December 2011

    Also, I feel that I should point out that technically the only thing that can "break" your hymen is vaginal childbirth.  Sex just stretches or puts tiny tears in it.

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    GJones27GJones27 member
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    edited December 2011
    Hmm, that's certain new.  Though I don't know how or FI would feel about that.  As much as I'd like to get the horrible stuff over it, it seems like I'd rather have him "break" it as opposed to a doctor.  

    Ai ai, why do we girls have to do deal with such issues?  Why couldn't it be easy? Hehe.
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    azdancer8azdancer8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:eb7e202b-0272-4f0b-8ece-93ed7169f0ac">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ai ai, why do we girls have to do deal with such issues?  Why couldn't it be easy? Hehe.
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    Well, it all started long ago in a place called Eden... ;)
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:c470f6d2-e122-411e-bf32-a8ebb3781e3d">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Embarrassing question : Well, it all started long ago in a place called Eden... ;)
    Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]

    Like my Mom says, "when I get up there, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind!" lol ;) jk of course :)
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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha, YGPM! I feel weird giving details out on a public board. If anyone else wants to know my response just PM me : )
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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also, I just want to say I was fully "intact" and never had anything surgically stretched or removed! I know everyone's body is different, but I don't regret not doing anything about it.

    Feel free to PM me if you want more details!
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    edited December 2011
    I've always wondered about this too. I asked my mom about it about a month ago and she said that her doctor stretched out her hymen before her wedding day and that was almost 40 years ago! So apparently this practice has been around for a long time. I also like the idea of my new husband "breaking" mine or whatever actually happens, but at the same time, I want it to go as easy and smooth as possible, so I think I'll do just as my mom did.

    Also, about the tampon thing - I never wore them either b/c I couldn't figure out how to get one up there! And I felt so dumb asking someone how to do it, but finally, when I was 28 and was dating the man I'm planning to marry, I decided now was a good time to figure it out so I could get used to something being up there. So I asked a very close girl friend of mine and she didn't mind at all explaining exactly how to do it and she also said to buy a box of the small tampons with the plastic covers b/c they're much easier to insert. She was right!! I read the instructions and tried it out and now I wear them every month! It's kind of embarassing to say this, but I felt so proud of myself (and very womanly) when I finally figured it out.

    So just know that you are not alone in this! But once you figure it out, it's great to wear them! The biggest thing for me was figuring out the right angle, which I suppose will also be helpful knowledge for my wedding night as well!

    Good luck with everything!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:bb1a48b6-aa13-49b5-80f3-a277cffd4c17">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's kind of embarassing to say this, but I felt so proud of myself (and very womanly) when I finally figured it out.
    Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]
    Nah, that's something you can be proud of.  No need for embarassment here!  :D  On a personal note, I can't wear tampons because I bleed to heavily.  My mom is the same way, and even when she does wear tampons she has to also wear a backup maxi at the same time.  So I figure, why bother with both?  Lol.
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't be embarassed! That's a question I once wondered myself. When it was my first time there was no blood and it didn't even hurt. We just went slow. Mine must have already broken during horseback riding, playing sports, or wearing tampons. 

    Ditto pp's... just put down a towel if you're worried about the possibility of blood. Relax, use lots of lube, and go slow. Trust me it'll be amazing. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_embarrassing-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:59c57582-2da3-47b5-9caf-8435d5c18d99Post:cea02151-f37f-472d-b7f5-faf05735818a">Re: Embarrassing question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Embarrassing question : Nah, that's something you can be proud of.  No need for embarassment here!  :D  <strong>On a personal note, I can't wear tampons because I bleed to heavily.  My mom is the same way, and even when she does wear tampons she has to also wear a backup maxi at the same time.  So I figure, why bother with both?</strong>  Lol.
    Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

    I'm the same way. Maxi's are my friend.

    I'm late to the party, but one thing DH and I did was have him use his fingers to stretch me out the first time.  We decided to go this route after reading <u>Intended for Pleasure</u> during our pre-marital counseling.  He inserted one finger, then two, then three, then we went for it.  It took a few tries to really be able to complete the act, but both the pain and the blood were minimal.  I tend to expect the worst and so was pleasantly surprised!

    Also, as others said, always pee afterwards when you don't use a condom!  It's kind of a pain to remember to do it but in eight months we've had no problems. 
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