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Christian Weddings

Bridezilla...with my PASTOR?!?

FI is familiar with our pastor. His best friend is married to the pastor's daughter. They are both good friends of both of us. Before I met FI, the pastor of the church had gone out with the young adult group a few times after church when they would go out to restaurants. So FI is somewhat familiar with him. We started back in the fall to schedule premarital counseling with him. At first there was the complication of him leading a large trip to Israel, so we tried to wait. Then the holidays hit and things got busy again. So we waited agian. Then in January we finally got his daughter to get in touch with him and schedule our first meeting with him. It went great, an hour before Saturday night service. He asked us to do a personality profile online so he could have those results for the next session. His secretary emailed it to us the next day, we both took it that day and emailed our results. We were told we'd schedule soon. So we waited.

...and waited.

...and waited.

I emailed the secretary then in early March with my schedule for the next 3 weeks and FI's regular schedule since he's a teacher. We waited some more. The email was not achknowledged. So I gave my weekly schedule to his daughter. And we waited.

AND WAITED! We talked to the pastor after church. And waited. Three weeks ago the pastor came into our weekly Bible study on campus and talked to us afterwards about meeting and said he'd have his secretary call the next day. We waited. A week later I called and the secretary told us she had just talked to him and that he should be calling that day or the next. WE STILL WAITED!

Finally I got so over it and frustrated I asked FI to take care of it. He talked to the pastor's daughter, apparently SHE was having trouble getting in touch with her own father. Late yesterday afternoon I called and left a message with the secretary saying how frustrated I was and how we had called and emailed numerous times with no reply and we'd been trying for MONTHS to schedule something, how our wedding was just over a month away and not only did we still have counseling but we always have ceremony specific questions to go over and we can't organize programs or readers or ANYTHING without talking to him and I said I need to hear back as SOON as possible.

...got a call at 9am this morning. We are meeting with the pastor next Wednesday at 5:30. That was all the phone call consisted of...no apology for taking so long, no acknowledgement of how many times we'd contacted and tried to schedule...

...is it wrong that I have been so easy going about the whole wedding...EXCEPT for the pastor? UGH!

Re: Bridezilla...with my PASTOR?!?

  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If his own daughter has trouble getting in touch with him, the secretary is probably used to messages just like yours. I would hate to have her job. I would talk to the pastor and explain your frustrations. I'm still not sure it would change anything, though.
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  • edited December 2011
    Well we got it scheduled, I'm just so frustrated that it took so much and literally 6 months to get it scheduled. It is a big church but not humongous, I just don't see how its good for the church for the pastor to be SO inaccessible to its members.
  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Would he have an associate pastor on hand in the event that he for whatever reason cannot attend your wedding or do your premarital classes? Based on your thread, it sounds like there may be a chance of double booking or things coming up.

  • edited December 2011
    A big part of the reason I'm assuming we've had trouble is because he typically doesn't do the counseling. The associate pastor or the family pastor usually do it. He is doing it for us because he knows us better (at least FI) and because we're such good friends with his daughter and son-in-law. So this isn't part of what he normally does. Maybe it was a bad call on our part to go to the senior pastor for it, but I really had wanted someone else to do the ceremony entirely (a good friend of mine is a youth pastor and really stood by me when I got very sick over 2 years ago and we originally had wanted him to officiate) but we can't bring outside pastors into the church. So now we're stuck...hopefully it works out.
  • edited December 2011
    Since most states give reduced fees on wedding licences I would see if you can find another pastor to do the premarital counsling and still have the original pastor as your officiant. 

    My FI father is a pastor and he has done premarital counsling with some of FI's friends even though he was not the officiant.  We will most likely be doing premarital counsling with someone else since it can get a bit personal and that's a bit uncomfortable talking to my Fiance's father about some of those things.
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry Rachel that stinks. I have no advice but I'm just gonna say I would feel the same way. Glad you got the counseling scheduled finally!
  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like he was asking for it.  There is only so much you can do in being nice.  I would not worry about it.  What I don't get is that everyone knows brides are stressed, so why don't they respond to dozens of emails or calls?  I think you and I had this discussion over the weekend, but it drives me nuts when people don't respond!
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    UGH!  That has got to be so frustrating.  DH's aunt said she would do our flowers at cost because she is an instructor in floral arranging and has done weddings before plus has access to flowers wholesale.  But she was not responding to my emails or calls in the months before the wedding so I finally just emailed her to tell her thanks, but no thanks.  We hired a local florist to do them.

    I think you've been more than patient in this situation and it sounds like you are kind of stuck.  Hopefully you'll work out some things and I would not abandon the idea of pre-marital preparation even if it has to take place after you are married.  Maybe you can talk to him next week about his suggestion for someone who would have time to meet with you for the sessions.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ahhh sorry girl, that's no fun. Don't think you are being a bridezilla- you're not! I am a planner and it bothers me when I try to plan things and people don't get back to me. It makes it tough! Glad you got it scheduled, though, and I know it will all be fine. 
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