Christian Weddings

I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

If one more person tells me that I should 'try before I buy' I'm going to scream.... I am so SICK of people telling me that I will have a bad sexual relationship with my husband to be because we haven't had sex, i am SICK of people telling us we're not going to last because we haven't had sex... i am SICK of people telling me I don't know what I'm talking about because I HAVEN'T HAD SEX.



UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
No, I haven't had sex.
WHAT.IS.THE.BIG.DEAL.ABOUT.THAT.
*mad*
Anniversary

Re: I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

  • how is this being brought up in conversations?

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  • It's not being brought up in conversations... it's people 1) replying to my STUPID posts on other forums, 2) people just bringing it up...

    I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does.

    Anniversary
  • If I were you, I wouldn't talk about it anymore
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  • Waiting until you're married to have sex is a foriegn concept for most people. They aren't going to understand why you're waiting or the benefits to your marriage. There are lots of benefits, but it doesn't make sense to most people-- and that's OK. You're just responsible for you. 
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  • I remember people saying that to me to, even before H and I were together.  It wasn't so bad when we were engaged because I went to a small, Christian college where most people held the same beliefs and those who didn't expected others to hold that belief, but it's still irritating.

    I will tell you, there is something to be said for sexual experience.  I in no way regret that we waited for each other or waited for marriage, but we did have a rough patch that was primarily because of sexual expectations.  So do talk about it, do communicate, do be honest with your partner once you are sexually active with him.  Ask him questions and encourage him to ask you.

    Also, and not everyone will agree with this, I encourage you to take some time to explore and learn your own body.  If you don't know what you like, you can't tell  him.
  • I can't say that I've ever had anyone argue with me over not having sex before marriage. But then, I never really talked about sex before I got married. I love that DH and I were virgins until marriage. We went into it with no expectations, we've been able to grow and learn with each other, and we don't have to worry about possible STDs from other partners. I love that I don't ever have to wonder if I'm as "good" as anyone else. There is no room for sexual grudges. And since we got married because we loved each other, not just sex with each other, I think our marriage is MORE likely to last. Couples that focus on sex will have a much harder time down the road when sex changes or isn't as frequent. Just my opinion, but I think I have it better because I DIDN'T "try before you buy".


    DH and I actually had a really cool conversation about this last month. We were discussing the "used car" analogy that many people use, and he had some awesome rebuttals and was really good at pointing out the flaws in that logic.
    For examply, one of his points - you go into marriage (hopefully) planning to stay with that person forever. You buy a used car knowing that it's only going to last you a few years. So yeah, test driving makes sense then. But if you were going to buy a car that you planned on maintaining, and cherishing, and it being the ONLY car you had for the rest of your life, you'd want a brand new one, right?
  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_for-crying-out-loud?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:63d594db-0838-4bd7-ab58-f491c6ad79dbPost:70d49148-9b10-47ad-b215-0660264f07c7">Re: I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't say that I've ever had anyone argue with me over not having sex before marriage. But then, I never really talked about sex before I got married. I love that DH and I were virgins until marriage. We went into it with no expectations, we've been able to grow and learn with each other, and we don't have to worry about possible STDs from other partners. I love that I don't ever have to wonder if I'm as "good" as anyone else. There is no room for sexual grudges.<strong> And since we got married because we loved each other, not just sex with each other, I think our marriage is MORE likely to last.</strong> Couples that focus on sex will have a much harder time down the road when sex changes or isn't as frequent. <strong>Just my opinion, but I think I have it better because I DIDN'T "try before you buy".</strong> DH and I actually had a really cool conversation about this last month. <strong>We were discussing the "used car" analogy that many people use, and he had some awesome rebuttals and was really good at pointing out the flaws in that logic. For examply, one of his points - you go into marriage (hopefully) planning to stay with that person forever. You buy a used car knowing that it's only going to last you a few years. So yeah, test driving makes sense then. But if you were going to buy a car that you planned on maintaining, and cherishing, and it being the ONLY car you had for the rest of your life, you'd want a brand new one, right?</strong>
    Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]

    I don't really agree with this.

    I don't think just because a person goes into marriage not being a virgin, their marriage is going to be less likely to work.

    ETA:  As for the "used car"...I don't think that's an accurate comparison...I'm not going to buy <u>any</u> car without test driving it lol
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  • azdancer8azdancer8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_for-crying-out-loud?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:63d594db-0838-4bd7-ab58-f491c6ad79dbPost:0fd4ca5d-0006-43bc-b4a6-40bed59fd4f2">Re: I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. : I don't really agree with this. I don't think just because a person goes into marriage not being a virgin, their marriage is going to be less likely to work.<strong> ETA:  As for the "used car"...I don't think that's an accurate comparison...I'm not going to buy any car without test driving it lol</strong>
    Posted by SugarFoote[/QUOTE]

    I'm not claiming universal truth here, just stating how I feel. I was just pointing out that there is always another side to every argument.
    As for the bold, sure, but that's what dating is for. I always thought the used car bit was a weird analogy anyways.
  • Who are these people??  Seriously, it's none of their business what your sex life is.  Are they on TK?

    People aren't cars, I think that's a ridiculous analogy.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_for-crying-out-loud?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:63d594db-0838-4bd7-ab58-f491c6ad79dbPost:df200ed0-f732-47ab-8570-a4638cc8a12b">Re: I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.</a>:
    [QUOTE]People aren't cars, I think that's a ridiculous analogy.
    Posted by naomikb[/QUOTE]
    Amen.  I went to a Christian university, and one of our chapel speakers was talking about excuses for premarital sex.  When he brought that point up, I said, "I am NOT a car," quietly, but apparently it was still loud enough for most of my brother dorm to hear.  Awkward.<div>
    </div><div>And, yeah, I didn't really talk about it unless people asked.  It was (is) the norm at the university we went to, for my family, and in my church, so it was rarely brought up.  We did get some side-eyes for not kissing before our wedding, as that was not the norm for anyone in either of our circles, but we were committed to that and downright determined to make it.  Thank you, Irish stubbornness.</div>
  • It seriously didn't bother me that people thought I was ridiculous. In fact, I rather enjoyed the fact that I knew I was going to be able to say, "HA! Told ya so!" at some point down the road.

    If it bothers you, I'd strongly encourage you to just stop talking about it. You aren't going to make people understand and you aren't going to make them agree with your reasons. Save your breath.
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  • I can't say that I am a virgin but my FI is the only person I have been with.  I am glad that I waited until finding him and we decided that we would not have sex without a condom until our wedding night.  I have mixed feelings about us not waiting.  I am glad that we won't have the pressure of not knowing but at the same I kinda wish I had.  Just ignore them.  They don't understand and I think it is awesome that people wait until marriage.
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  • edited June 2012
    I've already gave my two cents...but I have some more to give.

    I would encourage every girl no matter if she was 15 or 95 to wait until she was married. I'm not a virgin. I've slept with 1 guy and that's not FI. I had always told myself to wait until marriage. I was raised that way. Most of the girls in my circle had that same belief. I started dating a moron and had a complete lapse in judgement that lasted 6 months. 6 months! Sex started at about 3...yeah I was that stupid girl. Because we "loved" each other. I now realize that it wasn't "love" because I LOVE FI and what I felt for moron wasn't love. It was like. I wasted my purity on like.

    That is something that I regret. That was supposed to be something for FI. But I can't give that to him and moron will always have that.


    I completely have a respect for girls who wait to have sex, but I don't feel like your marriage is going to be any better than mine or anyone elses who didn't wait.

    And I say "girls" in this because I'm not a dude and don't know a dude's standpoint on the issue.
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  • I sent you a PM.  
  • Actually, STATISTICALLY, couples who live together before marriage are more likely to end in divorce, so no just because you have sex before marriage doesn't mean your marriage won't last. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and they did. It's less the having sex with the person you're GOING to marry, and more needing to 'try out several different models' before you settle on one you like.

    I know plenty of Christian couples who've had sex with their now husband, when they were engaged or before then... so not waiting doesn't make your marriage last.... but it's what God intended so....
    Anniversary
  • You decided to wait?  That's your personal decision.  Just like those of us who didn't wait, that's our decision.  Neither one is going to make your marriage fail or prosper.  Just saying.  

    There are people who will disagree with you no matter what you choose to do.  Just believe in your decision since only what you and your FI think matters in this instance.  
    Also just because you've never had sex with your FI doesn't mean it's going to suck.  You could have great sex.  You never know.  So don't let people get you down.  
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