family pressure

[Deleted User]

happy Monday!

do any of you all engaged/marrieds deal with family pressure?  i.e., family pressure on how to build your marriage, job situations, family/spousal relationships, how to build your home, "Christian standards" in the home, etc....

if you do, how do you deal with these kinds of pressures?  what have you faced?

TIA!

kitkat610

All the time! Mostly from my mom's family (my mom is deceased).
I have always gotten lots of advice from them, but it has definitely peaked in the last year. My aunt especially has decided that I need a surrogate mother. Very odd since I am 25, and my mom passed away almost 10 years ago.
Mostly, I listen intently, tell them that I value their advice, and do whatever makes the most sense for me/us. My sister has a harder time with them, and generally feels very judged, but I just take it as it comes and move on.

louieblue

Absolutely not, and if they did, I would (kindly) tell them that our life is our business and no one else's. I am still in school and I don't work. DH works full-time. We will begin trying for a baby in the next year or two and I will stay at home. We don't discuss plans or the way we choose to live our lives with family. It's personal and should only concern a husband and wife.

sessionswedding

Yes.  My FMIL is a realtor and FSIL is a mortgage broker.  My parents are long-time renters who think buying is a bad idea.  Do I need to elaborate?  Lol.  FI and I actually put an offer on a house last night though, and my mom is OK with it because it's a brand new brick home and we're (hopefully) getting it for a steal. 

Usually, we will take the advice of our parents into consideration, as they are older than we are and therefore have more life experience, but then we take that information and make our own decisions.

GJones27

I wouldn't even know where to start.  My parents put a lot of pressure for me to move back to San Francisco, and I live on the East Coast.  They make me feel guilty all the time.  Up until I applied for law school, my parents made me feel really guilty that I didn't know what to study for grad school.  My mom likes to micromanage things, from how I wear my hair to what color ribbon I have on my wedding cake.  I think I like to stay on the East Coast, because it means I can be more independent and not be subject to such pressures!

kellya01

Hmm... I guess I just don't notice the family pressure, and neither does FI, because we both put enough pressure on ourselves.  It is our goal to be debt-free by the time we start trying to have a child.  We want to get as close to that goal as possible, so we're going to keep hacking away at the debts (mostly student loans at this point) and do the best we can.  We also have a lot of pressure on ourselves to be able to be completely financially independent, and actually to go on the flip side -- to be in a position to HELP our families in the event that it's needed.  

Thankfully, our families hold us to the same standard to which we hold them, which is to be the best people we can be, to be kind and considerate, and respectful.  Both parties cross the line from time to time, but as we grow older we get better about it every day.  

sessionswedding

Kelly, I definitely know where you're coming from on the debt-free before kids thing.  Other than hopefully getting a mortgage sometime in the next couple days (lol) the only debt FI and I have between us are my student loans.  We plan on waiting about 7 years or so from now to have kids, so hopefully we will have finished off my loans by then.

iamjoesgurl

We were both older when we got married so our parents had "let us go" long ago.  It is nice that they are not really over-involved in our lives.  My mom used to be the type of person who might have tried to state her opinions about my decisions but she has mellowed out a lot.  She wanted to be as involved as I wanted her to be with the wedding planning and now that we are married, she does not tell me how she feels about the decisions we make.  I guess we are very blessed that our parents care about us but don't put pressure on us.

mrandmrsbrist

Family pressure is so much fun! Ha.

But yes. The pressure from my family is different from the pressure from his family. His family pushes in subtle but firm ways and it drives me insane! It's so hard to get through to them that we're going to be our own family, living in our own house and setting up the ideals for that house and that while we value their opinion, it honestly doesn't count for anything. My family is just outright pushy and that's easier to ignore.

kitkat610

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_family-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:74a55508-5d95-4616-afae-fd4c087a0ca8Post:9a05ffd9-b860-4da7-8676-6b7c354a2f86">Re: family pressure</a>:
[QUOTE] My family is just outright pushy and that's easier to ignore.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]
This is exactly how I feel about my aunt and grandmother :) FI and I always laugh about it on the drive home.

and FI's family is great. So supportive of whatever we need or want to do, not that any of it is inconsistent with their values either.

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_family-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:74a55508-5d95-4616-afae-fd4c087a0ca8Post:289cb878-c9e2-4845-9f37-63a4b8d77982">Re: family pressure</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: family pressure : This is exactly how I feel about my aunt and grandmother :) FI and I always laugh about it on the drive home.
Posted by kitkat610[/QUOTE]

Exactly! We always get a few good laughs out of my mom. :)