I am at the point of breaking down. On the way into work this morning, the mental and emotional stress of this new job attacked my body and I keeled over in pain. I have had a migraine all weekend and I think it's a physical manifestation of my issues surrounding my new job.
For those who don't know, I was part-time teaching (chorus) at a middle school in another district, they promised to take me to full-time status for the spring semester, and I was going into a bit of a hole as I was counting on the additional $. Well, they renegged on their promise, I found another full-time teaching job (general music AND chorus), in the same town as FI's job, and jumped on it. I felt like God was opening the door for me (as did my parents, FI, and my pastor at church) and FI to finally work in the same town, and to start our life together after the wedding this summer. Plus, I'd stop going in the hole (my parents were helping me out while I was on 60% pay without health insurance, boo!).
I've been at this job for a total of 3 weeks now, this is week 4, and we thankfully get a paycheck this week --- but I'm struggling to make it through the day without being physically sick. The students have had absolutely no structure all year, they're used to "busy work" (worksheets, packets, etc) and don't know how to function with an actual teacher. I'm ready to start doing "busy work" because I just don't think I can handle the stress of trying to teach them when I have no administrative support, my department tells me every day how much of a mess that class was in before me, they struggle with the same behavior problems, and there is NO school-wide effort to stop the behavior problems! As a "new" person, I can see some of the things that the "old" ones (people here for more than 5 years) are blinded to seeing, and it hurts that the solutions are there, but they aren't willing to explore them.
I have 20 out of my 160+ students that actually want to be here and don't disrupt class. I can't punish them for the rest of the class's behavior, but i can't function when I have nowhere to send the students with behavior problems beyond ISS, especially when ISS is a joke. You know how when we were in school, your parents would have made your backside sting if you had gone to ISS? Well, these parents don't care. Oh, and the school has sent a very clear message that even if the kids don't pass their electives, it doesn't matter.
I had to call security twice on Friday as kids were trying to stow away in the band room next door (teacher was absent for medical appointments). We don't have substitutes - we do "coverage" which is basically the kids are split up between the other elective teachers. Substitutes have to be approved by the superintendent, which is really just for long-term leave or long-term (week plus) medical issues.
I'm ready to quit. I have bills to pay, otherwise I would. I need the health insurnace, otherwise I would. I am so discouraged right now.
And come to find out ... FI is probably going to get a promotion this summer with his company that will enable us to live in another area (about 1 hour south of the current town) and in a much better school district (although that district has its fair share of problems too). At least the testing proficiency in most schools in other counties have SOME of the kids passing... the district where I am now, virtually NO ONE passes the state mandated tests. And they wonder why they're on the watch-list for schools that may be shut down.
I went on too long. However, I feel a bit better by getting it out. I have to make it through each day, 2 periods at a time (I get 2 classes then planning, 3 times a day). I don't know if I can make it today. The next class comes in at 8:35...
July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
