I'm getting married in something like 7 months. I've chosen all of my bridesmaids, and I'm looking for dresses that are pretty, but not expensive, because we are all college students and can't afford to spend too much money on dresses that we'll only wear once. The dress I've found is $60 and I'm having them wear their own shoes and jewelery so as to not put any more financial strain on them. To me, it is far more important that these girls be standing up there next to me than they wear a specific dress because I like it. They are my best friends.
One of my bridesmaids is getting married 11 months after me. She is looking at bridesmaids' dresses in the $200 range and it's a destination wedding. I've been a bit passive aggressive about it; showing her pictures of much cheaper dresses, that, IMHO are prettier anyways. Well, when I showed her the pic of the dress I've found, she began to say things like, "It's your wedding, I'll wear whatever you want me to."
So I sent her this, "I'm sorry I've been a little passive aggressive about your bridesmaids’ dresses.
but, I cannot afford to spend $200 on a dress I'm only going to wear once. Especially since I'm going to be a newlywed and either in, or saving for, grad school. And we will possibly be thinking about having a baby soon too. I am a pretty frugal girl. I've never spent more than maybe $75 on any single dress or item of clothing except for my wedding dress. And anything I’ve spent close to that much money on, I’ve worn many times.
I am very honored that you’ve asked me to be in your wedding. But I cannot make a commitment to spend that much money on a dress."
"ok ... i haven't even picked a dress yet, but if you can't then i understand
i will need to know tho shortly after i pick the dress so i can find someone else if you can't"
So I say, "I know you haven't picked one yet, but all the ones you've been showing me are in the $200-$175 range"
She said, "well i won't hold anything against you or be offended if you step down
i understand your monetary issues and i don't expect you to spend way out of your budget just to be in my wedding
i really don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out, but at the same time i've always wanted a really formal wedding and you just can't get that for $75"
Maybe she isn't offended by me, but I am very offended by what she's said. I am so hurt by the fact that her "vision" is more important than her friend.
I also have to point out that she got married in a courthouse last April. They did it because they are in the Navy and wanted to be able to get the benefits. I was their witness and photographer.