Courthouse Wedding?

acag1405

I've looked through several posts but haven't found my particular situation to get advice on... here's the deal. 

My FI and I are planning our wedding for 5/2014 (venue booked, etc). Lately, we've been feeling more convicted and wanting to be more in obedience to God. We currently live together, etc... My school schedule has ZERO breaks until I graduate next year, which is why we planned the wedding so far out. 

We've been thinking about going to the courts this year on our pre-anniversary to do it legally and stop the feeling of living in sin, but there's no way we could plan the wedding for our families. Both of our families are extremely excited for a "real wedding" since both of our siblings skipped that step in their relationships. We are their last hope, and we don't want to disappoint. 

If we went to the courts, should we tell our families, or avoid it? Would it detract from the specialness of the day? Should we just do our best to wait it out, since our schedule will be SO chaotic for the next year? This decision seems so complicated when you add in finances, health insurance (I'm currently on my mom's since I'm in school full time), car insurance, etc... I want to do right by God, but I'm really struggling with the how's and logistics... 

2012FutureMrsB

Weddings are about celebrating your new marriage with your loved ones (family and friends). It's not about materialistic things. If you watch old fashioned TV shows with good morals (ones on the family channel, Halmark channel, etc), you'll see that "real weddings" used to be about a community coming together to witness the uniting of two people. It was a happy time and all about family. The bride would wear a nice dress, probably borrowed, and people would bring food or maybe someone would host the food if they had money. There may have been some music and good fun, then everyone went home. (Of course, there's lots of other traditions that may or may not have been done, but the point is that it's all about family and friends coming together).

You can have a wonderful, memorable, court house wedding. Find yourself a beautiful dress, even if it's borrowed or used. Find a friend who can put your hair up nice and help with your make up (I did my own make up the way I normally would for a nice evening out). Spread the word to your family and friends when the day is going to be, then meet up at the court house and have a grand wedding! It's all about perspective. If you feel God is convicting you to go ahead and get married now (because physically and emotionally you already are), then you are ready. Take the leap of faith and marry the man you love.

Afterwards, you can all go out to dinner and celebrate. If your family feels let down, oh well. Things don't always work out the way others want them to. You can also talk to your pastor (I'm assuming you're attending church somewhere) and he/she might even be willing to perform the wedding for you at another location (someone's house or something like that). Just a small gathering of those who matter the most to you. Say your vows before others and before God and live the life He's called you to! God is a God of grace and mercy and that means He wants what's best for his children. He knows that within a covenant of marriage, things will be as they should be because that's the way He designed them. 

And just to add - God is not condemning you or your FI, just as He did not condemn the woman at the well, but He did tell her to "go and sin no more." May God give you answers to your questions and guide you into your future together!

(Edited for grammar)

monkeysip

There's two different ways to view this:

A.  The Courthouse wedding isn't real.  If that's the case, then you're still "living in sin".  So, the courthouse wedding wouldn't make any difference, and it doesn't make sense to have it.

B.  The Courthouse wedding is real.  If that's the case, then you need to tell your families, and celebrate the courthouse wedding as if it is actually your REAL wedding. 


Now, why do you believe you are living in sin?  Is it because you are sexually active, or because you are living together?  If it's the former, then there's an obvious solution to that.  If the latter, then it's a little trickier.  You could try and find other living arrangements, you could make sure to sleep separately, or you could just move up the wedding (a simple courthouse wedding, or even a simple wedding at someone's house or in a park).

Follow your conscience here, but having a courthouse wedding and not telling anyone is NOT the answer here because it makes no sense.  Good luck!

ochemjenn

First of all, you need to do what you and your FI feel is right, not what your families want.  Have you talked with your minister about this? 

It sounds like finances may be an issue for you, as you mentioned insurance (you couldn't be on your mom's anymore after you get married), and if living together bothered you THAT much then I'm assuming you've looked into getting separate places.  Maybe your pastor could help you find a congretation member who wouldn't mind letting one of you live with them rent-free or low rent in exchange for child care, cleaning, etc?

OR, if you still want to move up the wedding, is your church free at an earlier date, so you could do a smaller church wedding?  Maybe with a small reception at the church?  I know you said you don't have any breaks, but you can take a honeymoon some other time.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_courthouse-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8060fa8a-ee8a-4000-8723-cb0348b24a32Post:9d1328b9-e512-41f8-8384-0909686ffb6d">Courthouse Wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've looked through several posts but haven't found my particular situation to get advice on... here's the deal.  My FI and I are planning our wedding for 5/2014 (venue booked, etc). Lately, we've been feeling more convicted and wanting to be more in obedience to God. We currently live together, etc... My school schedule has ZERO breaks until I graduate next year, which is why we planned the wedding so far out.  We've been thinking about going to the courts this year on our pre-anniversary to do it legally and stop the feeling of living in sin, but there's no way we could plan the wedding for our families. Both of our families are extremely excited for a "real wedding" since both of our siblings skipped that step in their relationships. We are their last hope, and we don't want to disappoint.  If we went to the courts, should we tell our families, or avoid it? Would it detract from the specialness of the day? Should we just do our best to wait it out, since our schedule will be SO chaotic for the next year? This decision seems so complicated when you add in finances, health insurance (I'm currently on my mom's since I'm in school full time), car insurance, etc... I want to do right by God, but I'm really struggling with the how's and logistics... 
Posted by acag1405[/QUOTE]

<div><p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">If you feel like you should get married now, please do not lie to your friends and family by pretending to get married again in 2014.  If you do get married in the courthouse, feel free to plan a vow renewal.  </span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Is there any way you can live in separate rooms until you get married if moving out is not an option?</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">No one can tell you what to do but people can give you guidance.  Have you talked to your pastor about it?  He might be able to help you work out a solution.  If it was up to me I would probably wait to get married yet next and find a way to move out or live in separate rooms.</span></p></div><div>
</div>

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_courthouse-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8060fa8a-ee8a-4000-8723-cb0348b24a32Post:1343014e-ca20-43b2-8377-5dd5aa39b213">Re: Courthouse Wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Courthouse Wedding? : <strong>If you feel like you should get married now, please do not lie to your friends and family by pretending to get married again in 2014.  If you do get married in the courthouse, feel free to plan a vow renewal.</strong>   Is there any way you can live in separate rooms until you get married if moving out is not an option? No one can tell you what to do but people can give you guidance.  Have you talked to your pastor about it?  He might be able to help you work out a solution.  If it was up to me I would probably wait to get married yet next and find a way to move out or live in separate rooms.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. If you do get married at the courthouse, that will be your legal wedding date and the ceremony you do in front of your friends and family will be a vow renewal. Do not lie to your family and friends. You need to do what is best for your FI and you. Pray about it and talk to your pastor about it for some extra advice.</div>

Doingitoutside2013

Perhaps up can plan a small wedding. If your parents can come to town, perhaps your pastor can marry you in a park, the beach, gazebo, backyard somewhere. You can find a cute dress on sale, borrow or rent one. You can get flowers for @$20 at Whole Foods for a bouquet, and the family can go out to dinner somewhere nice and bring in a cake from a local baker or grocery store. One of my best friends was planning her wedding for June. But after moving in with a relative to save for the wedding, she was spending too much time at her fiancé house because she hated her new living arrangement. She graduated in December and decided in November she was going to the courthouse after her graduation ceremony. I convinced her to have a small wedding instead. You only get married once...hopefully. So even if small, have the wedding you desire and incorporate what matters most. I told her that way if she never has the big shebang - she still will have no regrets about her wedding day. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend. But I was happy that she was still able to have a beautiful wedding day.

mrsbobfilson

Hello My Christian Sister, You can have a civil wedding soon so that spiritually you feel better,and later have a wedding in Our Fathers house to fulfill your spiritual needs. I know a few people who have done this.Talk to the Minister at your church,he will understand.