Best Marriage Advice?

kellya01

Okay ladies... it's time.  Every time you tell another person that you're engaged, or you're about to get married, or your sitting at your wedding reception, or get a congratulatory card in the mail... there are tid-bits of marriage advice, how to make it work for a long time, how to have a healthy marriage, etc... 

So, what are some of the best marriage advice tid-bits that you have heard?  (this is great for the engaged or the marrieds on here)

... and Go! 

kellya01

I can start it off -- Mom and I went to meet with the decorator a couple of weeks ago, and we met her husband (who will also be helping her decorate, and believe it or not, she says he is the "brains" of the business) .... anyway, she looks at me and says:

 "Let him be who he is, and don't try to change him."  

iamjoesgurl

One of my friends wrote me a long letter when I was about to get married to give me some advice.  It was one of the best gifts I had received.  She said that you have to think about things in terms of what you can live with and what you can't live with and to learn which battles are worth fighting.  She married a man with a 4-year old who had lost her mother in childbirth.  She gave the example of how her husband and his daughter would regularly throw shirts into the wash inside out and every time she did laundry, it bothered her so much.  One day she realized that she could just fold the shirts inside out (instead of turning them right side out) and put them away like that.  Apparently she started doing that and they never said a thing.  I think of this a lot when we disagree on something or something starts to get on my nerves and realize it's not worth getting upset over.

People always tell me that good communication is the key and I think it is very important.  Finally, have separate bathrooms - this might sound silly but I'm sure it has spared us many arguments!

azdancer8

Two that really stuck with me:
Men are babies when they are sick. (It was said jokingly, but it's TOTALLY true!)
Sometimes your wife may cry, and sometimes even she will not know why she is crying. Comfort her anyways. (Ok, this was for the guys, but it's also true. )

I was also told that if you never fight, you aren't communicating, but I have not found that to be the case. (But maybe DH and I are just good about talking through things before they become issues.)

In all seriousness, though, here is my two cents:
Communication is key. Talk to your spouse. Even the things that seem stupid or trivial - if they impact you, tell your husband. He loves you and usually wants to help if he can. 
You may have days where you feel more alone than when you were single, but remember that as long as you and your husband are both putting Christ at the center of your relationship, you can only grow closer together in Him.

Calypso1977

my 90 year old grandmother in law:
"you need to have a baby RIGHT AWAY because you're both old".
we were 31 and 34 when we got married.

all kidding aside, the best advice i got was to actually go to bed angry if youre fighting (contrary to the "never go to bed angry" advice).  nothing good ever comes of fighting when both persons are exhausted and its late at night.  best to sleep on it, then have a rational discussion the next day when you're well rested.  you tend to say more things you might regret when you are sleep deprived and the hour is late.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

All good advice!!  I have a few:

At my bridal shower my "second mom" said jokingly, "Argue naked."  We both laughed and talked about how for us we'll probably still be mad (she said she stays mad) but at least DH will be happy (once FI is a DH).

Also, "Don't go to bed angry."  Even if we're fighting and it's 2 am, we have to work it out - and we do.

"Always kiss me goodnight" and I'll add my tid-bit of "Always kiss me good morning."  His mom has the "Always kiss me goodnight" over her bed that she made into a sign.  I'm going to combine the phrases and make a sign - especially since FI leaves before I'm up, so him kissing my forehead or just a sweet kiss to let me know he's leaving - it means so much!!  I'm getting mushy - I just love him so bunches.  :P

DramaGeek

There will be little things that drive you crazy.  Decide which hills you want to die on and which you can get past.  I had to get past the fact that the man leaves every cupboard door open in the kitchen but there are other things (like doing housework) that we've had to argue over and work out.  I let him fold towels the way he wants to - hey, at least he's folding! - even though it's not how I would do it, but I refuse to give in on him putting away his own clean clothes.  Things like that.

It's ok to argue, and it's ok to be mad.  It's also ok for your H to be mad at you.  It will happen, and you will both move past it and it will be fine.  Also, remember that everyone argues differently.  My H can be a huge pouty baby when I don't want to do things his way and we argue about it.  In fact, this happened last night and I called him out on it, which made him even more pouty.  But with some time apart we got over it.  We haven't reached an agreement yet, but we're no longer angry and we've agreed to let it sit for a couple weeks and come back to it then.

azdancer8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_marriage-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8d75f130-4588-4a35-9ccc-9c7877bea11dPost:cc256db9-3b77-404c-9c91-4b82fefed1ef">Re: Best Marriage Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]"Always kiss me goodnight" and I'll add my tid-bit of "Always kiss me good morning."  His mom has the "Always kiss me goodnight" over her bed that she made into a sign.  I'm going to combine the phrases and make a sign - especially since FI leaves before I'm up, so him kissing my forehead or just a sweet kiss to let me know he's leaving - it means so much!!  I'm getting mushy - I just love him so bunches.  :P
Posted by BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe[/QUOTE]

I love this! I have no job, so often DH leaves while I'm still in bed. But he always kisses me goodbye before he leaves. And of course we kiss each other goodnight everyday as well. :)

naomikb

A few... some funny, but all totally true.  I actually started keeping a list in my phone of good sayings I heard and things I can look at when I'm feeling upset with my FI.

- don't go to bed angry
- teach him how to do laundry
- teach him how to iron
- love like crazy
- don't sweat the small stuff
- compliment each other
- overuse "i love you"

katanne9

1. Communication! Communication! Communication!

2. Give the best part of yourselves every day to each other! Not to your job, your boss, your friends, the gym.

GJones27

Haha, I love the "fight when naked" advice.  Never tried it, but maybe when we're married.

Right now, I can't think of something that has stuck with me to share...

AshNoel8

Calypso- Haha, I was actually going to say the opposite- "Never go to bed mad." It just shows how different couples do things differently. My mom gave me this advice a long time ago and I live by it because I am so emotional and sensitive. If my husband went to bed mad at me, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep- that's just how I am. I talk EVERYTHING out haha. I guess different methods work for different people. 

iamjoesgurl

Some more advice - when something bothers me and I realize that I am justified in my frustration, I spend time thinking about how to approach the subject with DH without being confrontational.  So far it has worked out well.  For example (and I'll pick something insignificant) DH always left towels on the floor of the bathroom in a heap and then they'd go in the laundry after one use.  It bothered me so I talked to him about it.  I said that it would be better if he would hang the towels over the shower rod after showering because leaving them on the floor doesn't allow them to dry out and they can start smelling.  Since that time, he has always hung his towels.  

As long as I'm able to explain something in a way that makes sense and he understands that there is a point, he is very easy going about it.  Maybe all men are not like this but I am truly blessed that he listens.

musicalsunlight

I am definitely in the "don't go to bed angry" camp, mainly because I honestly can't sleep like that. If FI and I are arguing and it gets late, we resolve it. I can NOT go to bed upset, it makes me anxious and I just sit there sweating and nervous. Plus, it is a horrible feeling to fall asleep next to someone when you are mad/upset with them.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best Marriage Advice? : I love this! I have no job, so often DH leaves while I'm still in bed. But he always kisses me goodbye before he leaves. And of course we kiss each other goodnight everyday as well. :)
Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]

Me too!!  He's temporarily living here under unpreventable circumstances, but he sleeps in a different bed and his alarm wakes me up, but I'm to the point him getting up and about doesn't even make me stir so he hugs me and I grab his arm to cuddle but he always pulls it out after laughing and gives me a kiss then leaves.  Which sucks because I want cuddles lol.

On the topic of going to bed angry - I cry myself to sleep if I'm upset enough and then FI feels sooooo bad the next day, which isn't my intention.  :(  Not good.

@<strong>naomi</strong> - "Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice?

@<strong>GJones</strong> - We haven't tried it either, but I'm betting it'll only work on him.  :P

joyfulbride424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_marriage-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8d75f130-4588-4a35-9ccc-9c7877bea11dPost:b36ae4ae-8e55-4933-ae27-a89f791732ae">Re: Best Marriage Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]1. Communication! Communication! Communication!<strong> 2. Give the best part of yourselves every day to each other! Not to your job, your boss, your friends, the gym.</strong>
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

I love this. I love it a lot.

mattycam

Great advice!

The best advice I got is "don't keep things in" If you have something to say just say it! argue without arguing too much.

Another good advice I got is "even if you're right don't rub it in his face or say 'I told you so' " (this advice came from a married man so he must know what he's talking about, lol)

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_marriage-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8d75f130-4588-4a35-9ccc-9c7877bea11dPost:02f002ce-19d0-495c-bd91-4cd44664d6b0">Re: Best Marriage Advice?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best Marriage Advice? : I love this. I love it a lot.
Posted by joyfulbride424[/QUOTE]


Me too!! I loved it so much I put it in my vows.