Christian Weddings

NWR becoming religious

I know the title is awkward, but I couldn't come up with good verbiage for what I'm asking.

Backstory:

A friend of mine who I work with(I'm in the military, so we're a tight knit group), recently passed away. He was in a car wreck(he was sober), giving a couple drunk people we work with a ride home, and suffered such terrible brain damage that the family decided to take him off life support. He died several hours later. The passengers walked away from the accident. My FI was his supervisor, so we were there when he passed.

I personally have never lost anyone close to me. I'm probably in the minority on this. I have never had to witness the grief of watching someone close to me pass. Seeing the parent's and siblings go through this truly shook me to my core. I was bawling when he passed, and not because we were so incredibly close, but because I've never been that close to death. It truly changed me.

I did not grow up with religion. My family is not religious. I've considered myself more agnostic than anything, as I don't renounce the possibility of a higher power. My fiance was a fire fighter before he joined the military, and he became more deeply religious because of this job. I never understood why until recently. He always said he had to look for a reason or way to accept the terrible things he saw.

As result of this experience, I've found myself wanting to be more religious, and wanting to believe in something more concrete. I've wanted to repent, so to speak, for my sins. I'm not sure where I go from here. Do I get baptised? Any insight anyone can provide me is appreciated, I know this is a rather vague post. I'm just not sure where to go from here, as even my fiance isn't incredibly involved with the church. I'm just looking for advice and for someone to point me in the right direction. Thanks in advance!

Re: NWR becoming religious

  • Hi!  You don't have to get baptised yet.  Baptism is what you do when you have fully accepted Christ as God and your Savior and want to make a public declaration of that fact.

    I would recommend starting with a Christian church.  Having some believers physically around you is great for when you have questions.  It's normal and OK to not like the first church you visit.  It's probably a good idea to visit several different churches of several different denominations until you feel a good fit.

    And definitely get into the Bible.  That can be daunting, because it contains 66 books and I don't even know how many different English traslations.  The book of John is a good first book to read:  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=NLT. I like the New Living Transaltion (NLT) because it's written in modern English and easy to understand.

    Feel free to ask us anything here!  No judgment from us.  I'll be praying for you!  :)
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine being there....

    I agree with sessions about the Book of John.  It's my favorite. 

    As far as attending services, I'd reach out to friends who attend church.  Go with them.  In my experience, Christians are very excited to bring people with them to church!  Try a few.  You could also ask your FI to try out some churches with you.  I know you said he's not really involved, but if both of you are searching, there's a different dynamic. 

    Different demoninations have different views on baptism (very confusing for me).  Baptism washes away sin, so it is important, but I would want to be baptised in the church I would be attending.  Because it's also that sign of profession, I would want it to be in front of people I would be worshiping with, you know? 

    And finally, start a conversation with God about all this.  He'll listen.  Praying can definitely be awkward at first.  What am I saying, sometimes it's still awkward.  But pray anyway.
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  • znd13znd13 member
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    Let me just jump right in here. And I don't mean to sound harsh. I am just telling you the truth. 

    You must admit that you are a sinner and deserve to go to Hell, and that nothing (not good works, not baptism, or even joining a church), can save you but Jesus Christ. 
    Believe that Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for your sins. 
    And ask him to come into your life and heart and save you from eternal punishment in Hell.
    If you do that, I PROMISE you, you will never be sorry. 
    Get and read a Bible(the New Testament would be a good place to start), and get into a good solid church that you feel comfortable in. 
    And you can always go to a Pastor or a pastors wife with any questions you have. 

    I will be praying for you! 




  • OP- welcome.  I am so sorry for your loss.  

     

    As the previous posters have stated, you don't need to get baptized yet.  I agree with Ochem that you should try going to churches that some of your friends attend.  But be aware that you may not like any of them.  Before you go, I would read up on what that particular church believes.  Different denominations can sometimes believe very different things.  Don't get discouraged if the first couple of churches don't work out. 

     

    A lot of people on here are from different denominations so you will get some different views on some things.  It makes for an interesting debate about some issues.  :) 

     

    I would look for a Bible that has commentary on it, which can help you understand what is going on when you get confused.  I have one since I still get confused.   

     

    I think the important thing to remember is that it is ok to have doubts and questions.  Don't be afraid to ask people (people in leadership might be the best idea but not always) about your doubts and questions.  It helps you grow in your understanding of Christ.

     

    The other thing I seemed to understand (and I am sorry if this is wrong) from your post was that you wanted to be cleansed of your sins but not have any other commitment.  Being a Christian is a lifelong commitment and it's not just a onetime thing that baptism can cure.  Again I am sorry if I misunderstood. 

     

    Please stick around and tell us about your journey!  

     

    And Znd-  You know, I don't conform to the "put the fear of God into them" style of conversion.  I am pretty sure most people don't convert because they don't want to burn in Hell.  Indeed, I feel like that undermines the love of God for us.  Let's give her a chance to explore Christianity. 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • znd13znd13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
       And Znd-  You know, I don't conform to the "put the fear of God into them" style of conversion.  I am pretty sure most people don't convert because they don't want to burn in Hell.  Indeed, I feel like that undermines the love of God for us.  Let's give her a chance to explore Christianity. 
    Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]


    I understand what you are saying. I wasn't meaning to 'scare her into something'. I was just trying to help. 
    With my experience, I actually was scared to death of Hell, but I know it's different with every person. 
    I would have said more and explained things better, but I had to go. 


  • I'll be praying for you!

    You say you are in the military - is there a chaplain available?  My uncle is a Navy chaplain, and I know talking to people who have questions about faith is something he does.  Just a thought of a place to start!
  • ravenrayravenray member
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_nwr-becoming-religious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8f3d3bb0-fea2-47be-86cb-bda0c477802dPost:9584aacd-667e-4e36-a245-0b6d263cb0b8">Re: NWR becoming religious</a>:
    [QUOTE]   And Znd-  You know, I don't conform to the "put the fear of God into them" style of conversion.  I am pretty sure most people don't convert because they don't want to burn in Hell.  Indeed, I feel like that undermines the love of God for us.  Let's give her a chance to explore Christianity.  Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE] I understand what you are saying. I wasn't meaning to 'scare her into something'. I was just trying to help.  With my experience, I actually was scared to death of Hell, but I know it's different with every person.  I would have said more and explained things better, but I had to go. 
    Posted by znd13[/QUOTE]
    I understand just trying to help, we both were.  Sorry you post kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  Sorry I came off a little harsh.  Maybe you could clarify now?  
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • I just want to add that it's not about becoming religious persay... It's about developiong a relationship with God, OP.  Remeber, God loves all of us, and has a plan.  We aren't supposed to know what it is.  I'm sorry you had to experience the scariness and pain of watching a loved one pass away, but God really does do everything for a reason. 

    One of my favorite passages is found in Jeremiah. "For I know the thoughts I have toward you, says The Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

    Start having converstations with your father, your Chaplain, or find out if there is Christians group on base you can talk to.  If you have a smart phone, the Uversion Bible app is free, and a great tool for any Christian, and the PP's are right, start with the Gospel of John.  I wish you the best, and  feel free to PM me anytime if you need prayers or guidance. 


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  • I am so sorry for you loss. 

    I agree with the advice about praying about it and talking to God. I also agree with the statement Ravenray said about it now being a one time "cleanse". It is a lifetime commitment you make.

    I would talk to your Chaplain in your branch of the military and definitely try some churches. Take FI with you, this could be a great thing and make your relationship even stronger.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_nwr-becoming-religious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8f3d3bb0-fea2-47be-86cb-bda0c477802dPost:525e7e92-3cbc-429b-b1e0-fdb20ce805f2">Re: NWR becoming religious</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just jump right in here. And I don't mean to sound harsh. I am just telling you the truth.  You must admit that you are a sinner and deserve to go to Hell, and that nothing (not good works, not baptism, or even joining a church), can save you but Jesus Christ.  Believe that Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for your sins.  And ask him to come into your life and heart and save you from eternal punishment in Hell. If you do that, I PROMISE you, you will never be sorry.  Get and read a Bible(the New Testament would be a good place to start), and get into a good solid church that you feel comfortable in.  And you can always go to a Pastor or a pastors wife with any questions you have.  I will be praying for you! 
    Posted by znd13[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for all the responses, sorry it's taken me so long to come back.

    Unfortunately, it's this kind of thinking that has always prevented me from getting involved in organized religion. I'm not saying I'm a "sinner", though I'm not perfect and have certainly made mistakes. I dislike the idea that I'm going to hell unless I subscribe to everything a certain faith believes. I'm not saying I should get to "pick and choose" what I want to abide by or not. However, being a spiritual person, I find it hard to believe in a spiteful God, who is going to cast me down to hell for questioning things.

    I will go speak to a particular Chaplain I have a good relationship with and talk to him. I'll even probably try reading the Book of John as many of you recommended. My FI is technically Catholic. He was raised Christian, but got strong armed by his ex-wife's family to convert. This was his mistake and he admits it.

    Again, thank you to everyone for your heartfelt responses, you've given me a good place to start! Also, I hope I haven't offended anyone with what I've said. I know that it can be a touchy subject for some, and that was not my intent.
  • znd13znd13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Hope you find your answers! I will pray for you!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_nwr-becoming-religious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8f3d3bb0-fea2-47be-86cb-bda0c477802dPost:67e40383-a4a7-4948-9029-273acd112fea">Re: NWR becoming religious</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR becoming religious : Thanks for all the responses, sorry it's taken me so long to come back. Unfortunately, it's this kind of thinking that has always prevented me from getting involved in organized religion<strong>.</strong> I'm not saying I'm a "sinner", though I'm not perfect and have certainly made mistakes. I dislike the idea that I'm going to hell unless I subscribe to everything a certain faith believes. I'm not saying I should get to "pick and choose" what I want to abide by or not. However, being a spiritual person, I find it hard to believe in a spiteful God, who is going to cast me down to hell for questioning things. <strong>I will go speak to a particular Chaplain I have a good relationship with and talk to him.</strong> I'll even probably try reading the Book of John as many of you recommended. My FI is technically Catholic. He was raised Christian, but got strong armed by his ex-wife's family to convert. This was his mistake and he admits it. Again, thank you to everyone for your heartfelt responses, you've given me a good place to start! Also, I hope I haven't offended anyone with what I've said. I know that it can be a touchy subject for some, and that was not my intent.
    Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think this is a great start and please know, if you have any more questions, we are here to help. I will be praying for you.

    </div>
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