Paying for the Wedding

iamjoesgurl

Who is paying/did pay for most of your wedding?  If you feel comfortable saying so, do you feel that this impacted how you are making/made decisions (i.e. if your parents paid, did they have a say in decor, food choices, etc.)?

amongthelilies25

my FMIL has paid for the two most expensive things : the food and facility. My FI and i are paying for everything else: flowers, cake, decor, tuxes, my dress, etc. we have had some help from family here and there but we are paying for the bulk of it. 

my FMIL tries to be a little opinionated since she is paying for the two most expensive things (the facility is $1200 and the food is $1500) and she will bring it up from time to time.... but we are VERY appreciative of her. we wouldnt be able to do it without her! (: over all she says that its our wedding and she will like everything i pick. (:

FaithCaitlin

My parents are paying for everything. I'm very grateful they are (wedding costs are insane, as you all well know!) paying. For the most part, I haven't felt too restricted. My parents have been supportive of the majority of my decisions (minus skipping alcohol).

SoonToBeGenao

FI and I are paying 100% of the wedding. Our familes kinda keep their mouths shut about telling us what they want since they are not contributing. We ask them and take their opinions into consideration- but over all since we are paying the whole thing (around 30K) ourselves- its our decision ultimately.

iamjoesgurl

Sorry, ladies.  The way I worded the poll is past tense.  I should have worded it to be:

1.  We paid/will pay for the majority

2.  Parents paid/will pay for the majority

3.  It was/will be about 50/50

porky

My FI and I will be paying for everything (including the RD) with the expection of our flowers and centerpieces, which my mother is paying for. 

The FI set a very tight budget so I knew that paying for the wedding was going to take more research before the planning.  We opted for a venue an hour away from Boston, whose pricing was much lower than we expected (and the food is incredible).  Same with the DJ - we could not afford the Boston DJ we wanted, so we contacted a DJ from our venue's preferred list (he is located in RI) and charges less than half the price of the Boston DJ. 

I have several DIY projects and family and WP who offer to help.  The FI likes to be part of the planning and selection process - a curse and a blessing. 

We have acutally worked well together on our budget - and improved our communication on the issue of finances in the process. 

I have never been one to shop around to the extent I did, but it has been worth it.  We did spurge on a few items, but at a little over 2 months away from our wedding, we are under budget.

Purple&7

My parents are paying for everything and I am very grateful! Since they are paying my mom is having a lot of say.

DramaGeek

Ours was split like this

Us

H's tux

My shoes

Unity candle

Guest document (guest book)

Rings

Cake topper

Vocalists

Makeup

My Parents

Venue and officiant

BM Dresses

Photographer (included album)

Florist

Caterer

Cake

Dress, veil, and alterations

Incidentals (decor, candles, etc)

Musicians

ILs

Rehearsal dinner

So yes, my parents took care of the vast majority of the cost.  I actually wanted to have a very small ceremony after church one day with just us, our parents, H's sisters, and our grandparents, but H was having none of that and my parents sided with him.  They got to pay for it, I got to plan it, and H got to enjoy it :-P

ETA - as far as decision making, my parents definitely had a say, but they weren't dictators in the least.  I was very happy to go with their ideas on some things, on others we compromised and on most things they just let me decide.  We never discussed budget because I am super cheap and they knew I would go for the cheapest of everything, so they actually tried to hide prices from me.  I wanted to keep it under 10k because I felt it was wasteful, and I think we ended up imore around 12k or maybe even up to 15, but that was for a full dinner and dancing with more than 300 people, so I guess it's ok!

drama1308

My parents are paying for majority/all. They sorta get a say, but mostly the decisions are up to me. They gave me a budget and I'm sticking to it

azdancer8

My parents paid for pretty much everything except the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. During the planning process I definitely had my days where I felt like the only reason we weren't eloping was that my mother would have killed me. I hate spending money on "frivolous" things, so there were times when I would just cringe at the cost of something and think, "thank God they are paying for all of this and not me". But I had a gorgeous wedding at a very reasonable cost.

CN: My mom wanted the "party", so my parents paid for the wedding. If I had been paying we probably would have eloped cuz I'm cheap.

mrandmrsbrist

Pretty much the same as azdancer. My parents wanted us to have a "nice" wedding (aka: expensive). FI and I wanted something very small. So, we asked them to pay for what they wanted.

Instead of doing it one thing at a time, my mom told me what she envisioned for the wedding. FI and I tweaked a few things with her consent and then she gave us a lump sum of money and told us to make it happen. IL's also gave us a lump sum of money, but they didn't have any "requests."

GJones27

My parents paid for mostly everything, except for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner.  Since my parents were paying, my mom had a very strong say in things.  For example, we had to get married in my hometown of SF instead of DC where I live.  I also had to invite a lot of friends of my parents whom I had never met before, which sort of made my wedding feel less intimate.  

I find it interesting that a lot of the women on this board are having their parents pay for the wedding.  I feel like on other boards, many more brides pay for their own weddings.  Perhaps it is an age gap?  

LeahVB2011

My parents paid for most of the wedding. I got to make desicions but they got the final say. My parents were not happy with my in laws about them not contributing money to the wedding like my sister's in laws did but my in laws paid for our entire honeymoon and rehearsal dinner. If it wasn't for them, our honeymoon would have been even more modest than it

Ccsvball05

My parents paid for pretty much everything. I contributed some and our ILs paid for the rehearsal dinner. DH and I however paid for our honeymoon. Our wedding was probably close to 5K and that was more than I wish we had spent. I was a beautiful wedding though.

sessionswedding

FI and I are paying for the majority.  FMIL does catering/florist work for weddings as a business, so she offered to do our flowers and food for free.  My mom was a cosmetologist way back in the day, so she offered to do my hair and make-up for free.  Pretty much everything else is mine and FI's money.

ETA:  Because FMIL is offering so much free stuff, she's technically paying for part of it.  She has tried very hard to dictate the guest list, and we are fighting her tooth and nail on it.  She's also dictating the favors (I was going to skip favors) and pretty much forced me to put my future niece-in-law in the WP as a Junior BM.

ETA2:  Piggy backing off what GJones said, I do feel different than a lot of other brides here.  I'm on the younger end (23) and am pretty much paying for my own wedding, minus the in-kind gifts/services from our parents.  I actually fit in more on my month board in this particular category, where most of the brides there range from late 20s to mid 40s.

ochemjenn

My ILs paid for the RD and honeymoon.  DH and I paid for the marriage license and my day-of hair and makeup.  My parents paid for the rest.  It did mean they got a say, namely, we had a lot of things I would have skipped: limo, alcohol, flowers, personalized napkins, real plate/glasses (we would have and acrylic), and favors.  We also would have cut the guest list by about half if they weren't paying.

SuMmErKuTiE

I always find it so astonishing that people's parents have $20-$50k+ to just spend on their daughter or son's wedding day. Weddings are ridiculously expensive, and when I'm a parent I will be putting money away towards their college educations and future weddings, but I can't imagine that we'll be able to cover everything nor do I want them to expect that we'll cover their whole wedding.

For our wedding:

We paid

~The deposit on our venue
~Invitations (which I made, so the supplies)
~Honeymoon
~Wedding rings
~Most of the photography
~DJ
~Favors
~Centerpieces
~All my DIY projects
~Wedding day hair and airbrush makeup
~Our marriage license

My parents paid

~My wedding dress
~My veil
~My bridal shower
~The rehearsal dinner
~Pretty sure they ended up paying for my brother's GM tux

DH's Parents

~The rest of the venue cost
~The flowers
~Photography deposit

The venue was where we had our ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. This all included open bar, the food, table linens, onsite wedding coordinator, the wedding cake, overnight accomodations for the bride and groom, and a bunch of other little things I can't think of right now. Also, since everything was at the same location, we didn't need to rent limos which helped us save money.

DH's parents were going to give us a set amount for the wedding, so when we needed their help to pay the rest of the venue cost it was money that we "borrowed" from them. Thankfully it all worked out in the end and we didn't owe it back since H received an inheritence from his grandfather that his parents just kept and called it even. Yes, we could have gone a much cheaper route with the venue we chose and the extravagent honeymoon, but looking back everything was perfect and we both agreed that we wouldn't have changed a thing and it was all worth it.

faith415

My parents are paying for almost everything, which is a blessing since FI and I are both still full time students. FIL are paying for RD and helping with the honeymoon. For the most part everything's been ok, but that's solely because I've been pretty laid back about everything. My mom has envisioned this super formal wedding and that's just not me and FI. She is also very opinionated, although she'll never say it, and is constantly going and buying things and telling me what she's planning on doing with them. I've been just letting her do what she wants and leaving it alone. There were a couple of things that I had to fight her for, and thankfully my dad has been wonderful about everything and totally backed me up! It's been hard because she's paying, but I want the wedding to reflect me.

I've been paying for a lot of the DIY stuff as well as other random things here and there.

@GJones I've noticed that too! On all the other boards it seems that everyone's paying for their own weddings. Maybe it's because a lot of Christians get married young? Almost everyone I know gets married in, or close after college. FI and I will be 24 and 22 at the wedding.

iamjoesgurl

We paid for most of it.  ILs paid for RD, 1/2 flowers and invitations.  My parents paid for our family to stay at the place where we got married (which wasn't cheap).  But we paid for everything else.  I was in my late 30s though so I wouldn't have felt right taking their money.  I even was a bit uncomfortable letting ILs pay for some things but I felt rude to tell them no.

Neither of our parents tried to make any decisions for us but that may have also been because of our independence at that point in our lives.

To Gjones point, I think it is probably more typical that parents help younger couples since they wouldn't have jobs/savings to pay for it themselves.

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:952be5d2-9c75-4177-ab94-9408c3a7a9a1Post:7a18b73b-42ff-4cf3-9e00-6e499f4f88d7">Re: Paying for the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] @GJones I've noticed that too! On all the other boards it seems that everyone's paying for their own weddings. Maybe it's because a lot of Christians get married young? Posted by faith415[/QUOTE]

I agree with this quote, but I don't understand why it's so common for Christians to get married so young. I know everybody's different, but I know when I was in my early 20's I was still trying to figure out who I was and definitely not ready to get married. Plus, I wasn't financially ready for a marriage whether it be paying for the wedding and HM or our lives afterwards. Once I was more established in my career and knew myself better, it was so much easier to know DH was the one for me. It took life experience for me to get to where I am today and I feel that DH came into my life in God's perfect timing.

I'm about to turn 28 and most of my friends aren't married yet, some are and some are engaged, but I know a bunch of people who aren't even dating anyone seriously or are but aren't engaged. One of my best friends from high school recently found out she's pregnant, and she'll be the first of my friends to have a baby.

letyourselfgo

When I got married the first time, the cost was split in thirds between me and my ex, his parents and my Mom. We were in our mid twenties then. We didn't have a lot of say so over anything, and it really got my goat.

This time, FI and I are paying for everything ourselves. Yet, our budget is forcing us to make some hard choices. Still, its a much more free of an experience.

ochemjenn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:952be5d2-9c75-4177-ab94-9408c3a7a9a1Post:45f46cfb-c9b0-4bd9-883d-183d13ecccaf">Re: Paying for the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I always find it so astonishing that people's parents have <strong>$20-$50k+</strong> to just spend on their daughter or son's wedding day. Weddings are ridiculously expensive, and when I'm a parent I will be putting money away towards their college educations and future weddings, but I can't imagine that we'll be able to cover everything nor do I want them to expect that we'll cover their whole wedding. Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

I can't believe some weddings cost $50k+!  I know in some (many?) areas that's pretty much unavoidable though. 

Our wedding cost was probably at the low end of that range.  I was not expecting my parents to cover as much as they did.  One thing my mom pointed out was that my younger brother finished undergrad about a year before my wedding.  My parents were accustomed to setting aside a certain amount each month for tuition, so they kept doing that, even after my brother graduated.  We got lucky with the timing!

sprtychick10

My parents are paying for the majority of the costs. My FIL's are paying for the RD and pastor. My FI and I are paying for the HM. 

With my parents paying for the cost of the wedding, I have involved my mom in every decision. From getting the dress to the tastings, she has gone with us. For the most part, everyone has agreed on things. The guest list has been the one thing my parents kept trying to let grow but I had to gently remind them the reception venue wouldn't hold that many people.

Bett2012

FI and I have two more years of university left (one by the time we get married), and my parents have blessed us by offering to pay for the whole thing. They were also students when they got married and my mom's parents paid for everything, so they understood where we are coming from.

faith415

@summerkutie Maybe that's just how it is around me? I was in a Christian sorority in college and a vast majority of the girls in it got married right out of college if not before. Plus, FI goes to a Christian college and a ton of his friends are married/engaged. So I guess it just seems like the norm to me. As someone getting married not too far out of college, I've been with FI since High School and after 5+ years of dating I'm ready to finally marry him. Obviously that's not the case with everyone. I know way too many people that meet and get married after barely knowing each other.

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:952be5d2-9c75-4177-ab94-9408c3a7a9a1Post:4eb25d36-7b6e-440b-9416-6a570d9d258d">Re: Paying for the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]@summerkutie  Maybe that's just how it is around me? I was in a Christian sorority in college and a vast majority of the girls in it got married right out of college if not before. Plus, FI goes to a Christian college and a ton of his friends are married/engaged. So I guess it just seems like the norm to me. As someone getting married not too far out of college, I've been with FI since High School and after 5+ years of dating I'm ready to finally marry him. Obviously that's not the case with everyone. I know way too many people that meet and get married after barely knowing each other.
Posted by faith415[/QUOTE]

Oh I completley understand! I hope my last post wasn't taken the wrong way. I guess I'm just wondering why it's so common among Christians to marry so young. I went to a Christian high school, but went to a public university. Some of the people I went to high school married young and I remember being surprised when I started hearing about it, but most have not. Among my college friends, I was one of the first to get married.  

fpaemp2011

My parents paid for everything except the RD, which the ILs hosted.  Photography and Videography were gifts from SIL and DH's friends who provided those services as a gift.  Our officiants and musician didn't "charge" anything, but my parents did give them some money as a gift.

The only thing we disagreed on was the reception timeline.  Mom thought everything was starting too late, but I didn't think her plan left enough time for pictures.  DH and I were able to pick the attire, colors, decorations, food, and beverages we wanted with the budget my parents gave us.  (Which did have to be increased a little when my parents refused to cut their own guest list, but that was more discussion between the two of them than with us)

sessionswedding

All of you ladies whose parents paid (or are paying) are so lucky.  Like I said, FMIL is giving us free flowers and food and my mom is doing my hair and make-up.  Other than that, it's pretty much coming out of mine and FI's pockets.  Dress, veil, alterations, tux rental, cakes, officiant, WP gifts, most of the cost of favors (FMIL is giving me some stuff she already had), DJ, photographer, invitations, programs, HM, etc.

ETA:  To be fair, FMIL got us personalized dinner napkins for Christmas, and my mom gave us two tickets to Universal Studios (that she herself got for free using Coke reward points) to use on the HM.

mrandmrsbrist

About the marrying young thing...I think it's also might be a regional thing. Where I'm at (Northwest), it's accepted and sort of, kind of common to marry young.

Calypso1977

i clicked "other"  because my option wasnt listed - we paid for everything.

we liked paying because it gave us full control over decisions.  i didnt want to have to make compromises with anyone other than my H.  as it was, my MIL tried to control some things with regard to the guest list.  it was much easier to say "no" or "well think about it" when we had control of the purse. 

as for the christian thing, im a pretty devout catholic, and i didnt marry until 31 and my husband was 34.  i think its more of a regional thing than a religion thing.

iamjoesgurl

A comment on the age/getting married thing.  My sister and most of her college classmates got married as soon as they graduated from college.  I got married at 38 and have a lot of Christian friends who got married in their 30s and some are still unmarried.  I'm not convinced that there is any rhyme or reason to getting married young vs. older.