New and Flustered

boohgurl

Hi Eveyone,
I am so encouraged to find this board!  I made one post to ask a tentative question on the Etiquette board and found myself thrown to the wolves.  I was ready to leave TK.  FI and I are getting married October 11, 2012, which is a Thursday.  It is an evening wedding, and most of our 115 guests invited are family and longtime friends.  We are on a tight budget of $3,000, but the Lord keeps blessing us with unexpected gifts, allowing us to do a little more than expected.  We even bought the BM dresses because they were in tight spots financially.

  I am doing all planning myself, and while I think FMIL wants to help with food costs, all other expenses are ours alone.  The problem with money comes when I reveal that I'm also starting Nursing (RN) school in August and need about $2K by Aug 1- apart from tuition, vaccines, background check, physical.....  I'm trying not to allow myself to worry, as I know the Lord will provide, but I find myself getting stressed and that seeps out to my interactions with FI.  

Does anyone have any advice, scripture, encouragement, etc. to help me keep my focus on the Lord and stop feeling so overwhelmed?

peachykeen26

Take all your strife to the Lord. You're right, He will provide. Now, provide does not necessarily mean the money will just show up. You need to be good stewards of money.

You need to save money however you can. Start couponing, stop going out to eat so much and put all extra money into a savings account. This takes a lot of self control, and patience. FI and I have been doing this and finally have all the money we need for the wedding. Notice that it's a week and a half before the wedding and honeymoon. It really has taken a lot of discipline and help from FIL's. They basically have supported FI and I for the past year and a half. We are so thankful for that.

You cannot ask for money! It's very tacky. However, you can pray that FMIL feels a calling one way or another.
I think the best thing for you to do is put away the wedding blogs and focus on saving money!
Also, if you are nervous about paying for everything you can ALWAYS cut the guest list and have a smaller wedding. Announcements can always be sent.
Try to save money by doing DIY everything! I did our invitations on Mixbook, and I loved them! I searched for inspiration everywhere and finally found something I loved that was like $5 a card. I did them myself for $.99 a card or something like that.

Stay away from E as a noob. There are a ton of passionate women on there that believe very specific things about specific issues. They aren't really wolves, they are just boisterous.

ETA:
Also, having read your previous post now, I do think that tiered receptions are very rude.
Like I said, cut the guest list or have a cake and punch reception. Have the wedding at home with a cookout. But, please do not notate when people can and can't come to the reception.
Also, if they get a Save The Date, they get a wedding invitation.

Looking forward to helping you plan your big day!

DramaGeek

I'm a big proponent of only spending the money we have.  If you have $3k but you have $5k in expenses, then you need to prioritize.  Which is most important, the wedding or the school expenses?  For me, it would be the schoole expenses, which would mean cuts need to be made to the wedding OR the date needs to be changed, allowing more time to save money.

Yes, God provides, but he's already provided you with a brain to think through these things and come up with solutions.

Etiquette wise, if your FMIL has offered the money for the food already, you are ok to bring it up to her in a tactful way.  "FMIL, you mentioned once that you'd like to help with the food expenses for the wedding.  Is this something you're still interested in/able to do?"  And if she says yes, then you can talk budget with her.  If she says no, you thank her and move on.

FWIW, you did not get thrown to the wolves on E.  No one was rude to you.  I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt.

GunzNRoses213

Hello and welcome ! We are nice here I promise I nearly left TK myself for almost the same reason !!
And i'm starting Rn school in Aug as well !! AND i'm getting married the Sat the 13th !! 

Go to walmart or your local grocery store for cake and or flowers... Or buy fake ones from Michaels/AC Moore ... Do you know anyone that takes good pictures or has a really good camera ? ? We are saving with all of those options ... My DJ is cheaper cause my friend's brother does it ... But you can use an IPod and just use a friend as an MC.... Nothing wrong with any of that ...

Our budjet is probably 5k... majority of it is the reception - I dont say any of this to brag buy my Grandma and Father are both paying half of that the rest is up to my FI and me ...

You will be just fine ! Trust in the Lord, we are waiting a house and 2 new jobs in the next few months PLUS i start school...I know ALL about it !!

What part of SC ? my cousin lives in SC ...

cwill6212

There are ways to stick to a $3000 and still have a beautiful wedding. Our budget was $3500 and we were right on the money. That being said, our "original" plan to marry in Fall 2011 just wasn't feasible. H was not working at the time and our finances were simply too tight to be able to save enough from Jan-Sept (we got engaged Dec. 2010). So, we regretfully pushed the date back... And it was the best thing we could have done. In addition to that, when people offered to help in lieu of wedding gifts, we accepted. If I had connections to a DJ or photographer, I called them in and got significant discounts. We did a lot of stuff ourselves and we used some things we already had instead of buying (candle holders, photo frames, etc) We cut our guest lists... 4 times... In the end we ended up with about 85 guests after all was said and done. But everyone was able to attend the ceremony and reception, everyone had a seat, everyone was fed and everyone had a great time.

ochemjenn

You say you need about $2K apart from tuition etc.  Is it an expense student loans could cover?  How are you paying for school?  I think education has to take priority over a party.

boohgurl

Wow, I'm going to try to remember what everyone said or asked so I can respond.  Here goes...

I completely understand that the Lord's provision is not solely monetary.  I have a good head on my shoulders and I employ it well.  We are not having flowers at all.  My bouquet is articifial and I got it for $15 at Hobby Lobby.  We are not having anything extravagant.  I just want our closest friends and family there to celebrate.  We have pared our list down three times until we can't cut it anymore.

I have DIY'ed most everything and got dirt cheap deals on anything I haven't DIY'ed.  I got all our stationary- STDs, Wedding Invitations, Reception Invitations, Thank Yous, and all envelopes for less than $100- and we have 115 people invited.  Cake, delivery, and service for 100 people is $220.  Our photographer will cost us $300.  We are compiling our own music to play.  The food is being catered by FI's former employer who offered and is only charging the cost of food itself, so we are estimating about $500 for that many people. 

My education and our wedding will be paid for.  I have a separate savings fund specifically for school, and I do have most of what I need as of now.  We also worked to pay off all other debt before planning our wedding.  We have paid out about half of everything, so we actually have about $1500 left in expenses.  We can stagger those expenses and pay as we go.  I am not asking anyone for money, and we are proceeding as if there has been no offer to help with any expenses. 

This post was not to rant about money, but to seek wisdom and peace through scriptures, words, etc. because it is stressful. I should also mention that I am planning, catering, making the cake for, and an attendant for FBIL's wedding that will take place next Saturday, so the overwhelming feelings stem partially from there.

And about the prior post, it is not uncommon here for people to come to the ceremony and not the reception.  Maybe it is against proper etiquette, but it is accepted here- and without hard feelings.  And the cost isn't the reason behind that for us.  It's the fact that certain family members can't get along with each other, and we would likely have to hire a security guard if they have the opportunity to interact.  I apologize if I caused anyone grief on that one.

boohgurl

What part of SC ? my cousin lives in SC ...
Posted by GunzNRoses213[/QUOTE]

Orangeburg Area

SugarFoote

Congrats and welcome!

I also have to agree with PPs that you were not "thrown to the wolves"...they weren't rude to you on E.

And just a sidenote, don't DD your posts. That is considered rude.

DramaGeek

The best thing for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed is to make lists.  To do lists help me get organized.  If I'm dealing with monetary stuff, making a budget helps me get organized.

If you want more money saving ideas, I see 3 places right off hand where you can spend less than you already are.

ETA - as far as verses, read Matthew 6:25-34/  We call them the worry verses in my house.  Matthew 6:27 and 6:34 are my life verses.

peachykeen26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_new-and-flustered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:976c29ef-d652-4737-aea5-827280a11daaPost:5ec5fcbc-5668-497c-8c4f-9e38a74c73a1">Re: New and Flustered</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm going to try to remember what everyone said or asked so I can respond.  Here goes... I completely understand that the Lord's provision is not solely monetary.  I have a good head on my shoulders and I employ it well.  We are not having flowers at all.  My bouquet is articifial and I got it for $15 at Hobby Lobby.  We are not having anything extravagant.  I just want our closest friends and family there to celebrate.  We have pared our list down three times until we can't cut it anymore. I have DIY'ed most everything and got dirt cheap deals on anything I haven't DIY'ed.  I got all our stationary- STDs, Wedding Invitations, Reception Invitations, Thank Yous, and all envelopes for less than $100- and we have 115 people invited.  Cake, delivery, and service for 100 people is $220.  Our photographer will cost us $300.  We are compiling our own music to play.  The food is being catered by FI's former employer who offered and is only charging the cost of food itself, so we are estimating about $500 for that many people.  My education and our wedding will be paid for.  I have a separate savings fund specifically for school, and I do have most of what I need as of now.  We also worked to pay off all other debt before planning our wedding.  We have paid out about half of everything, so we actually have about $1500 left in expenses.  We can stagger those expenses and pay as we go.  I am not asking anyone for money, and we are proceeding as if there has been no offer to help with any expenses.  This post was not to rant about money, but to seek wisdom and peace through scriptures, words, etc. because it is stressful. I should also mention that I am planning, catering, making the cake for, and an attendant for FBIL's wedding that will take place next Saturday, so the overwhelming feelings stem partially from there. And about the prior post, it is not uncommon here for people to come to the ceremony and not the reception.  Maybe it is against proper etiquette, but it is accepted here- and without hard feelings.  And the cost isn't the reason behind that for us.  It's the fact that certain family members can't get along with each other, and we would likely have to hire a security guard if they have the opportunity to interact.  I apologize if I caused anyone grief on that one.
Posted by boohgurl[/QUOTE]

You asked for advice and scripture.
I provided advice. You have no reason to get defensive, we are here to help.
And, I'm sorry. But inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception is horrible. They accept it because they don't have a choice.
How would you like to be told, "Hey thanks for coming to the ceremony. We can't afford to feed you or party with you, so see you later!"
Just curious.

SugarFoote

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_new-and-flustered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:976c29ef-d652-4737-aea5-827280a11daaPost:5ec5fcbc-5668-497c-8c4f-9e38a74c73a1">Re: New and Flustered</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm going to try to remember what everyone said or asked so I can respond.  Here goes... I completely understand that the Lord's provision is not solely monetary.  I have a good head on my shoulders and I employ it well.  We are not having flowers at all.  My bouquet is articifial and I got it for $15 at Hobby Lobby.  We are not having anything extravagant.  I just want our closest friends and family there to celebrate.  We have pared our list down three times until we can't cut it anymore. I have DIY'ed most everything and got dirt cheap deals on anything I haven't DIY'ed.  I got all our stationary- STDs, Wedding Invitations, Reception Invitations, Thank Yous, and all envelopes for less than $100- and we have 115 people invited.  Cake, delivery, and service for 100 people is $220.  Our photographer will cost us $300.  We are compiling our own music to play.  The food is being catered by FI's former employer who offered and is only charging the cost of food itself, so we are estimating about $500 for that many people.  My education and our wedding will be paid for.  I have a separate savings fund specifically for school, and I do have most of what I need as of now.  We also worked to pay off all other debt before planning our wedding.  We have paid out about half of everything, so we actually have about $1500 left in expenses.  We can stagger those expenses and pay as we go.  I am not asking anyone for money, and we are proceeding as if there has been no offer to help with any expenses.  This post was not to rant about money, but to seek wisdom and peace through scriptures, words, etc. because it is stressful. I should also mention that I am planning, catering, making the cake for, and an attendant for FBIL's wedding that will take place next Saturday, so the overwhelming feelings stem partially from there. <strong>And about the prior post, it is not uncommon here for people to come to the ceremony and not the reception.  Maybe it is against proper etiquette, but it is accepted here- and without hard feelings.  And the cost isn't the reason behind that for us.  It's the fact that certain family members can't get along with each other, and we would likely have to hire a security guard if they have the opportunity to interact.  I apologize if I caused anyone grief on that one.</strong>
Posted by boohgurl[/QUOTE]

Are you saying that everyone goes to the ceremony, but then only certain people are invited to the reception? Or only certain people at the ceremony and then a different set of people at the reception?

Either way it's rude. I don't think it matters if it's "not uncommon here"...people probably just don't say it's rude to the host's fact...

jenningz

Our ceremony is at our church, the church population is about 2-300 people, so a lot of people will be coming to our ceremony; it's not in a venue that holds like a civil ceremony, in that case, I don't think it's rude - it's a little different if you're having your ceremony and reception at one of those venues that has a ceremony room and such, cos in those cases people are usually invited to everything, the only split is usually in the evening.

peachykeen26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_new-and-flustered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:976c29ef-d652-4737-aea5-827280a11daaPost:3f2f9106-13ea-4d76-9a7a-7df279d36ddb">Re: New and Flustered</a>:
[QUOTE]Our ceremony is at our church, the church population is about 2-300 people, so a lot of people will be coming to our ceremony; it's not in a venue that holds like a civil ceremony, in that case, I don't think it's rude - it's a little different if you're having your ceremony and reception at one of those venues that has a ceremony room and such, cos in those cases people are usually invited to everything, the only split is usually in the evening.
Posted by jenningz[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if I agree with you here.
It's still tacky. A reception is there to thank your guests for attending your ceremony. If they come to the ceremony, they should be at the reception. It's just etiquette-ly correct.

DramaGeek

If your church generally does an open invitation to all congregants, you do not have to invite them to the reception.  Many churches put a thing in the bulletin or on the calendar about the wedding, and since it's a public place of worship anyone can attend.  Anyone sent an invitation from the bride/groom/families must also be invited to the reception.

I think things in the UK are a bit different.  I don't necessarily agree with it, but it's a cultural thing.  My understanding there is that people have a ceremony and reception early in the day, then a more formal dinner party in the evening with a more intimate guest list.

naomikb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_new-and-flustered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:976c29ef-d652-4737-aea5-827280a11daaPost:76522219-406f-414a-adc7-26526388e3ae">Re: New and Flustered</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New and Flustered : I'm not sure if I agree with you here. It's still tacky. A reception is there to thank your guests for attending your ceremony. If they come to the ceremony, they should be at the reception. It's just etiquette-ly correct.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]
I disagree (with conditions), peechykeen.  It depends on how the guests came to know about your wedding.  If you sent them an invitation to the ceremony then yes you need to invite them to the reception.

I got married at my home church (where I was baptized, I've gone there my whole life), the whole congregation knows me.  The congregation knew about the wedding because it was published in the bulletin in order to fulfill the banns/legal requirements, and the ladies threw me a shower.  Many of the people in the congregation chose to come to the ceremony without a formal invitation ever being issued, and I felt (and had) no obligation to invite them to the reception (at a separate reception hall), they just came because they wanted to and the house of worship is a public place for people to gather.

RyansBelovedBride

Hello!

It sounds like you are trying to keep a sensible head on your shoulders going forward. I also don't really know where the money is coming from exactly, and am having to be flexible on my plans. The Lord does provide for what we need, but what we need and what we want are of course often different. Still, He delights in us and gives us good things. Do not let the criticisms of others affect you, remember that internet strangers only know the tiny snippet of information you provide, while the Lord knows more about you and your situation than you ever could. Listen to Him, and remember to love on your guests. A lot of the advice already given is just making sure you approach this with courtesy towards your guests, and not "how can we save money?" It is easy to forget this attitude.

And since you asked for scripture :

“This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? And why do you worry about clothes? Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don’t labor or spin thread.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these! If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you—you of little faith? So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 25-34

Yay God!

peachykeen26

Daram & nao- I see your points.

GunzNRoses213

found out my cousin is in hilton head... i dont know how close that is