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Cold feet... how to deal?

Is anyone else experiencing it?

How do you deal with it?

Re: Cold feet... how to deal?

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    GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you're getting cold feet!  How close to your wedding are you?  I would take some time to step back and figure out what's causing it.  Is it the stress of the wedding?  Is it something about your fiance?  Is there something going on with you?  I would pray and maybe talk with a priest/religious leader about it.  They usually have good ways of helping you work through such emotions.  Others will probably have better advice than me, though.  Hope everything works out!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_cold-feet-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b42a514a-7f32-4f86-b13d-f9f79b45f9d5Post:0a817194-e5a2-4f84-abbc-562c94af6858">Re: Cold feet... how to deal?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're getting cold feet!  How close to your wedding are you? <strong> I would take some time to step back and figure out what's causing it.  Is it the stress of the wedding?  Is it something about your fiance?  Is there something going on with you?</strong>  I would pray and maybe talk with a priest/religious leader about it.  They usually have good ways of helping you work through such emotions.  Others will probably have better advice than me, though.  Hope everything works out!
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    This exactly! Chances are something is causing it. I will admit that I had cold feet several months ago after FI and I got into a HUGE fight. It passed after we both apologized (within a couple of hours), but my cold feet were from worrying that we weren't right for each other (and because I was being super duper drama queen). I will say a prayer for you.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm 30 days out of my wedding, and my fiance was laid off about a month and a half ago and he missed out on this job opportunity he really wanted and was, in reality, his one chance on finding employment before the wedding.

    I live in a rural area with no employment prospects for him, and I've had no luck trying to find a job in a more urban or suburban area. I am employed, but I don't make a whole lot of money and am facing the prospect of getting a part-time job so that we can at least have a little more money. 

    I'm just so bitter that this is the circumstance under which I will be getting married. I don't get that wonderful, blissful newlywed feeling like everyone else gets. I get to start my marriage with an unemployed fiance, living in an awful area with no opportunity, in a job that I hate.

    I'm so burned out by everything going on right now that I don't know if I will ever recover.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_cold-feet-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b42a514a-7f32-4f86-b13d-f9f79b45f9d5Post:5cbeca25-1709-4a2b-9779-ec41b0441480">Re: Cold feet... how to deal?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 30 days out of my wedding, and my fiance was laid off about a month and a half ago and he missed out on this job opportunity he really wanted and was, in reality, his one chance on finding employment before the wedding. I live in a rural area with no employment prospects for him, and I've had no luck trying to find a job in a more urban or suburban area. I am employed, but I don't make a whole lot of money and am facing the prospect of getting a part-time job so that we can at least have a little more money.  I'm just so bitter that this is the circumstance under which I will be getting married. I don't get that wonderful, blissful newlywed feeling like everyone else gets. I get to start my marriage with an unemployed fiance, living in an awful area with no opportunity, in a job that I hate. I'm so burned out by everything going on right now that I don't know if I will ever recover.
    Posted by agape1cor813[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like you're just discouraged and bummed out more than cold feet. When you picture a life without him, does it feel empty? Does it hurt to think about?

    I know you're discouraged about him getting laid off - but men feel like failures when they can't make it in a job. Don't you want to be the woman who lifts him up?

    The blissful newleywed feeling doesn't come from having material items or a big wedding or an expensive dress and a great big house- it comes from being with the one you love and the fact that you'll be together for better or for worse. Sometimes the worse comes first, and life isn't fair.

    I will pray for you, I hope that you can be strong and lean on God in all of this.
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    GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You will recover from the disappointment of a job layoff.  When I was laid off, I was bitter and angry.  I felt humiliated and wronged.  But once I got a job, it's amazing how those feelings go away.  However, what hasn't gone away is my poor health that has resulted from the stress.  I have a seriously messed up stomach, and this week that I'm stressed about my wedding, my stomach is burning so badly I can't eat.  Everything will pass, and what's important is that at the end of the day you will have each other.  I mean, would you prefer that you had never met your FI and be rich or that you two be together and have a humble life for the time being?  Please, please, please... trust in God and try to see the positive.  I know it's super hard.  But you don't want to ruin your health.  You'll get money in the future, but you will never get your health back if you continue to hold onto those negative emotions.
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    mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_cold-feet-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b42a514a-7f32-4f86-b13d-f9f79b45f9d5Post:c3eef422-a964-4767-b45e-2ba6bc439d47">Re: Cold feet... how to deal?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You will recover from the disappointment of a job layoff.  When I was laid off, I was bitter and angry.  I felt humiliated and wronged.  But once I got a job, it's amazing how those feelings go away.  However, what hasn't gone away is my poor health that has resulted from the stress.  I have a seriously messed up stomach, and this week that I'm stressed about my wedding, my stomach is burning so badly I can't eat.  Everything will pass, and what's important is that at the end of the day you will have each other.  I mean, would you prefer that you had never met your FI and be rich or that you two be together and have a humble life for the time being?  Please, please, please... trust in God and try to see the positive.  I know it's super hard.  But you don't want to ruin your health.  You'll get money in the future, but you will never get your health back if you continue to hold onto those negative emotions.
    Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

    This.

    And Matthew 6:25-34. Meditate on that and recognize that God is in control and has plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Joy and GJones!
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    edited December 2011
    i agree with Gjones and Joy. 

    sometimes the bad comes before the good. just like the storm will ALWAYS come before the rainbow. 
    i know its hard right now..and frustrating and disappointing... but there will be sun again. this is not hopeless. just like Joy mentioned, that blissful newleywed feelings doesn't come from money, or nice things, or any that stuff. it comes from being overjoyed that you get to go to sleep everynight and wake up every morning to this man you married. its the reassurance that through anything you are there for eachother and will forever encourage and pray for one another. it comes from that deep love that you have for eachother. the money and the stuff can pass away... but you have chosen this man and he has chosen you. 
    i have let my FI know that no matter where we are and what kind of financial shape we are in my heart is glad because i have him. (currently i am the only one working and he JUST got home from full time school. so i am paying all my bills on top of all the wedding bills). Now.. love won't pay the rent of put food on the table... but love does put life back into prespective. 
    this too shall pass, agape, just keep focusing on God and try not to be to hard on yourself or your FI ( i am sure he feels bad enough on his own). Trust God.... this season will either strengthen the two of you... or weaken you. Don't let the enemy win in this! Pray for your future spouse... let him feel that you support him and love him no matter what ----- even when its hard, you will still choose him. 
    NOW... if you honestly DONT feel that way..... then maybe you do need to rethink this marriage. but if you are confident that you want to spend forever in his arms and support him through good and bad - then do that. (: 
    Stay in prayer and God will reward you. allow this season to strengthen your relationship with your future husband. 
    you will be in my prayers.
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