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Christian Weddings

Dreams

Hi! I haven't posted in a while and some of you may not even know me, but I wanted to get feedback on something. We have been married more than 3 years. We are very happy and I thank God every day for my DH. Last night I dreamed about an ex. We dated many years ago and I haven't seen him in at least 5 years. I never think about him which makes me wonder why he showed up in a dream last night.

In my dream we were somewhere with other people. We went somewhere to be alone and talk. I gave him a hug. In my dream I kept thinking that we were both married and it wasn't right to have feelings for him. Unfortunately I woke up remembering this dream and have thought about him all day.

I was wondering if any of you ever have these types of dreams about an ex? I have spent time today reminding myself why we didn't stay together and thinking about all of the qualities that DH has that he didn't have. Any other suggestions to stop thinking about him?
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Re: Dreams

  • Welcome back!

    I've had dreams like that.  Although I feel weird, almost guilty, having dreams with my ex in them, I try not to let it bother me.  For me, the relationship with my ex was good for me, at the time, and it ended because it needed to (18 and we were not willing to attempt LDR).  Besides thinking of qualities DH has that the ex does have, it also makes me think about how DH and I complement each other as people. 

    As long as we don't dwell on exes, I don't think it's a horrible thing to think of them every once in a while.  They're a part of the past, and I think those experiences help make us who we are.
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  • Dreams are subconscious anyway, something in your day could've triggered something in your brain that reminded you about your ex and thus, you dreamt about him. I wouldn't worry or dwell on it, and you clearly know you made the right decision marrying your DH. :-) You've done nothing wrong girl!
    Anniversary
  • I have dreams often about exes- they started a lot once I got engaged. I don't have feelings for any of them, and I definitely don't want to get back together, and I do want to get married to my FI. For me I think it is my subconcious acknowledging the fact that marriage is a huge committment and it is scary, and I'm ok with my freak outs being in my dreams instead of real life!

    I wouldn't worry about it at all- dreams are weird, they really don't mean anything unless we want them too, and it's totally normal to think about exes- heck- with facebook, most people spy on exes! So, I wouldn't worry about it- I think it's pretty normal to have dreams about people who have been in our lives!
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  • I agree with the other posters that it is normal and our dreams can be about resolving something that has been triggered by the day, etc.

    As for your issue with feeling guilty by the dream there's a great book for women about keeping your thoughts in check, Every Woman's battle. As women we can fantasize and daydream which can turn into sexual or emotional ties. A great peice of advice my SO and I heard was speaking to your partner about your thoughts which can deflate the mystery of the other person. Saying something like "Oh I had a dream about so and so". You don't need to give details.. just mention it in passing. You won't feel like your dream is a secret to keep from DH since he's been told and it takes the subject's (the ex/the dream) power away.




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  • Welcome back! It's good to see you on here again. I have had dreams dealing with exs but thankfully they didn't get to me. The dreams that do get to me are dealing with a guy I was close to in high school. I am all but certian that we would have dated if one of us had been willing to make the first move but before I had a chance to do make that move I met the man who is now my husband. I got married 2 years after I was out of high school so I think the dreams with my friend are more feelings that things between us are unfinished. Also getting married so young made me feel that I let part of my youth go away too quickly. I should note here that DH knows all about this and has actually helped me work through it. I say all of that to say that sometimes, dreams are just random things our minds pull and other times it's thing we need to work through. I agree that mentioning to DH might be a good place to start and I know for me, it helped a lot.
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  • edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_dreams?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b725c083-d808-4729-b21f-03ff79d410cePost:9c02559b-09c2-4979-94ce-0aa6f053ed01">Dreams</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! I haven't posted in a while and some of you may not even know me, but I wanted to get feedback on something. We have been married more than 3 years. We are very happy and I thank God every day for my DH. Last night I dreamed about an ex. We dated many years ago and I haven't seen him in at least 5 years. I never think about him which makes me wonder why he showed up in a dream last night. In my dream we were somewhere with other people. We went somewhere to be alone and talk. I gave him a hug. In my dream I kept thinking that we were both married and it wasn't right to have feelings for him. Unfortunately I woke up remembering this dream and have thought about him all day. I was wondering if any of you ever have these types of dreams about an ex? I have spent time today reminding myself why we didn't stay together and thinking about all of the qualities that DH has that he didn't have. Any other suggestions to stop thinking about him?
    Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I know how you feel. I have had dreams that made me feel guilty. I didn't dwell on them afterward and even in the dreams there wasn't anything necessarily bad happening. However, a part of me feels like I am betraying my H. My H and I are very open and honest with each other, but I feel to tell him about these things would hurt him. His first wife left him for another man so I feel that I should be extra mindful of those kinds of feelings for him. Not to mention, I'm naturally a very loyal person and wouldn't cheat physically or emotionally so the thought that I'm betraying him is difficult. </div><div>
    </div><div>They're dreams, though, we can't control them. All we can control are our reactions to them and our actions while awake. We can make sure that we are not looking at other men in ways that we shouldn't and thinking about other men in ways that we shouldn't so that we minimize the likelihood of having a dream. When we do dream, every time a thought comes up about it, push it out of your mind. Think of something else. Dreams are hard to hold on to. If you don't think about them, you normally forget them eventually. Most of the dreams that I've had like that, I only remember how they made me feel (the guilt). I can't remember who it was or what happened now using this method.</div><div>
    </div><div>I hope this helps and don't beat yourself up. I think it happens to us all. Just stay true and deal with them as they come. :-)

    </div>
    Anniversary
  • Thank you all. I didn't feel guilty for the dream. I was just feeling frustrated that I couldn't stop thinking about it. So now it has been a few days and I feel a lot better.

    Thanks again!
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