Christian Weddings

Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce

I was a bit surprised today by how many people say divorce is an option.  In the poll, I definitely said it wasn't an option for me.  I can't imagine ever getting a divorce, even if I wasn't in as much love in the future.  But I'm in the minority.  So I thought I would put the question to you girls.  Is divorce ever an option?
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Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce

  • edited December 2011
    The Bible only gives two options for divorce: marital unfaithfulness and abuse. Pigs will fly before I see either of those happening in our marriage! People give up way too easily on marriage. FI and I have talked about that fact, neither of us believe it is an option. We are very lucky as well as both sets of our parents are still married.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To DH and I, divorce is not an option. We made a commitment and an oath to stick it out through the hard times and work through things. I know too many older couples who give this advice to not believe that it can work.

    I would, however, support divorce in instances of adultery or abuse.


  • GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I clarify my earlier statement.  Abuse and adultery I understand.  On the other board, people were not talking about that -- more along the lines if you're unhappy. 

    But speaking of adultery, would any of you consider a divorce if your husband cheated on you?  What if is a one-time deal?  A repeat offense?  One never knows if a spouse will stay faithful.  For example, a previous priest at my church cheated on his wife and he ended up giving up the priesthood as a result.  Or look at Jonathan Edwards... he professed a strong faith, but he cheated on his wife when she had cancer.  It's super sad.
  • kelseydjameskelseydjames member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Divorce is never an option for me, except in those 2 situations, which would never, ever happen.

    If he cheated, yes, I would leave. No matter how small the cheat, no matter the circumstances.

    My parents are divorced, my grandmother and aunt are both on marriage 4 and currently 3 sets of aunt and uncles are in the process of getting divorced right now.There are 2 couples in my family who have stayed married. Only 2. And I have a BIG family. Only one couple in his family has ever been divorced. I like those odds better.

    You make vows for a reason. There will be days where you're unhappy. You will love him less, and he will love you less. But they are not permanent. They are human, and fleeting. Marriage is forever.
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is a flaw with that poll.  It assumes that there would not be a way to reconcile (this is not in the case of abuse or adultery) and I am a firm believer in reconciliation.  I think that it is the lazy way out to assume that you can "fall out of love" because I believe that if you got married, you were truly in love.  That doesn't stop.  We said the vows:

     I promise before God and these witnesses, to be your faithful wife/husband, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together, we may serve God and others, in all circumstances, and as long as we both shall live.

    Many people take similar vows and what this means is that no matter what happens, we promised to stay together.  If I was abused or cheated on, I hope that I would seek counseling and if my husband would not be willing to demonstrate that he has changed, I suppose that I would consider divorce.  But I would not give up very easily for other reasons.  

    My husband and I are best friends.  We are family.  I wouldn't walk away from a friendship or stop loving my family so why would I feel that I should stop loving my husband?  So my answer in that poll was to stay in a loveless marriage, but that's only because it was the non-divorce option.  I don't think that people who stay in a loveless marriage have tried very hard to reconcile.  

    And one other thing about those of us who post here.  (ETA - meaning people who share this faith - not the "Christian board" vs. other TK boards) We trust God as the head of our homes and He is the one who designed marriage.  I believe that with God, nothing is impossible.  If both of you are trusting in God, I think that your marriages will be stronger than anything that could tempt you to draw apart.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with pretty much everything iamjoes said. Also, I'm not exactly surprised by the results in that poll on Etiquette. The primary reason I believe divorce is not an option is because my view of marriage is shaped by my faith, if you don't believe in the Bible then obviously its views on marriage are irrelevant.

    Oh, and another thing about loveless marriages. In other (platonic) relationships, praying for love for someone I'm not really feeling like loving has never hurt and often helps, so if I ever find myself in a loveless I know there's hope.
  • GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I like what you all have said.  Especially sistergroom's point on praying for love.  We oftentimes have to love even our enemies, and if we can love our enemies, we can love someone we have fallen "out of love" with. 
  • edited December 2011
    I was just reading the posts and sent the link to FI. It was really depressing to me that I was in the 30% that said they would stay. I agree with PP that the notion of "in love" causes a lot of problems. I love John Piper's "This Momentary Marriage" where it says that marriage isn't about staying in love, it is about portraying the truth about Christ's convenant with the church. That sounds so unromantic to people in our culture, but the truth is, as Piper says, that it is actually the foundation of permanence that gives the best chance for long-lasting love and affection to flourish. I have so much more to say, but I have my last day of undergrad classes to head off to!
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love your response, JoesGurl.

    Also, Anna I think you made an excellent point. My SS class is having a "mini series" on the topic of Christian divorce. In order to truly look at divorce, we're starting off by looking at biblical marriage first. Marriage between one man and woman is meant to be a picture of the church's relationship with Christ. Divorce is just so demeaning to that picture, which is why the Bible says God hates it so much. But there are those exceptions since humans are imperfect.

    However, I do think it's important to realize that things don't always work out the way you expect them to. I wouldn't say "I swear I'll never get divorced!" or that it isn't an option (even though that's how I voted in the poll) because I just don't know the future. I only believe in divorce in those cases of abuse or adultery, but there is also the possibility that one's husband could choose to leave. I can't control that. But it does happen. So I don't think you should be that naive either.
  • aegrishaegrish member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:a957a1cc-f210-45ec-84bf-db83a964f4ca">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]The Bible only gives two options for divorce: marital unfaithfulness and abuse. Pigs will fly before I see either of those happening in our marriage! People give up way too easily on marriage. FI and I have talked about that fact, neither of us believe it is an option. We are very lucky as well as both sets of our parents are still married.
    Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]

    I agree. I did not comment on that etiquette board post because I knew that people posting on there we're not like minded but now that I think about it I should have so I could stand up for a Christian perspecitve on marriage & divorce.  I toally agree with this PP though.  One of the first things my FI discussed when we started dating were  our values & Biblical principles and yes divorce should NOT be an option in a Christian marriage except in the 2 extreme cases given.  FI and I also agreed to never JOKE or threaten divorce, no matter how mad we get.  My mom talked to me about that and I am grateful for that because I think a lot of people do throw around divorce in jokes/threats but words do have power. 
  • edited December 2011
    As many PP's have said, my FI and I have talked extensively about divorce and how we are committed to each other and not making divorce a possibility. Of course in extreme situations that were mentioned, it is different, but we both strongly believe that no matter what, we can get through it. We both feel like a lot of people get married these days without really thinking about what the term "marriage" means. I know that there are going to be struggles and hard times, but before I got engaged I made sure I was willing and wanting to go through those things with my FI and no one else. My Fi's family has divorce everywhere in his family, aside from his parents, so he was fortunate to grow up in the home that had a strong Christian marriage represented, unlike most of his other relatives. My family has no divorce, except for my aunt, so I think I've had a good perspective on how to work things through as well.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:9713bedf-eaae-499d-a4fe-5270f08bb673">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]However, I do think it's important to realize that things don't always work out the way you expect them to. I wouldn't say "I swear I'll never get divorced!" or that it isn't an option (even though that's how I voted in the poll) because I just don't know the future. I only believe in divorce in those cases of abuse or adultery, but there is also the possibility that one's husband could choose to leave. I can't control that. But it does happen. So I don't think you should be that naive either.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Oh, and along these lines, it's pretty arrogant to assume that you're going to make it through a better, longer marriage just because you intend to when you make your vows. I think it's very much a case of God by His grace giving you the strength and wisdom to be able to work through the rough patches.
  • edited December 2011
    I never understood "falling out of love" or "suddenly realizing you don't love someone."  You either love them or you never did.  An extended slump during which you have no romantic feelings towards your spouse does not excuse your leaving them.  To steal a quote from a movie, "if divorced couples would just get back together 10 years later, I think they'd realize that whatever problems made them think they needed a divorce are gone."  Nothing that you are going through with your spouse is permanent - thus going THROUGH it - so it will get better on the other side. 

    I think a lot of the posters on the Etiquette board are very much of this generation.  The "throw away" generation.  Is it broken?  Don't fix it, throw it away and get a new one.  Are you tired of it?  Oh well, throw it away and get a new one.  Don't really like it as much any more?  Poor baby, throw it away and get a new one.  Are you impatient and don't want to wait for a rough time to pass?  Throw it away and get a new one.  And if anyone criticizes you for that, tell them off and use the catch phrase "life is too short," that'll shut 'em up!

    I am SO glad that I have faith and hope in God, who is so much bigger than me and any of the little problems I have.  If there is anything that my faith has shaped in my character, it is the ability to see past the problems in front of my face to the better day on the other side.
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  • squeakyducksqueakyduck member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate to be unromantic, but where in the vows do you promise to be in love with the person forever? 

    You promise to cherish and honor. Forever. 

    I think that far too many people enter into a marriage thinking that if it doesn't work out, they can just get a divorce. 

    Someone once told me they went to a wedding where instead of saying, "till death do us part" they said, "as long as our love shall last".  That made me so sad. 


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  • edited December 2011
    If I had gone to a wedding where they used "as long as our love shall last," when the officiant asked if there were any objections, I would probably speak up.  If you're going into this thing with divorce as an option on the table, why not just live together?  I mean really.  Why not just go for broke and not get married to begin with.
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  • edited December 2011
    I might get flamed for this, but I wonder about where the place is for humility when it comes to how we look at our relationships, marriages, and future?  I do value marriage as a Christian, and I do not intend to divorce (and neither does my FI).  We are taking our vows seriously.  But there is a difference between going into marriage intending for it to last (and taking steps going in to up the chances of it lasting), and hautily saying "oh because I'm a Christian and my faith is important to me, I'll neeeeever divorce!"

    Unfortunately, a good percentage of Christians choose divorce.  And while I would agree that we do live in a "throwaway" culture, just being a Christian doesn't make us immune to the culture.  Also, we cannot necessarily judge the marriages of others or their reasons for choosing divorce IRL, because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage.  I have friends from college and church who were solid, hard-core Christians, sold out for the Lord, and these people got married, and because of various issues, things that I may be aware of and things I may not be aware of, they end up divorcing.  I think God weeps for the dissolution of these marriages.  But I don't think that we can judge when we simply aren't in the marriage...that's between them and God.
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Actually, there are three valid reasons for divorce in the church, just nobody thinks of it often. That reason is if one member of the couple becomes a Christian part way through the marriage and the other person does not and wants out, they should be allowed to leave. My pastor actually did a good sermon about this recently. I'd like to say divorce is not an option, but I don't know what the future holds. Obviously I think my fl would never cheat or abuse me but I'm saying it's not necessarily not an option because I would leave if either of those things happen. Now, I believe with my whole heart that God put us together and my Fl is my future, so it's sorta a non issue. Both of us come from divorced families, so well it is not an option for us, we both think there are some instances where it wasn't the worst thing. About falling out of love? That's an excuse for not trying. Loving someone is a choice, not just a feeling. You have to choose to love someone unconditionally, forever.
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:a2c9756a-d51c-4c97-a151-b58fb9fd2a4e">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]ETA:  I'm also super offended that you ladies presume to know the spirtual health and religious ideas of the people on an internet message board just because they have dissenting viewpoints from your own.  This will probably be my last post here, because as a CHRISTIAN I personally feel more welcome on E than I ever have on here.  At least on that board, we're all adults and people can disagree with things I say or opinions I hold without acting like they are better than me or I'm a bad person just because I have a different idea than they do.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>I hope that the following does not come across as a personal attack because it is not meant at all that way.</div><div>
    </div><div>I have never seen anyone on here attack anyone for their differing opinions.  And if I have been involved with such a post, I offer my apologies because I am sure that I have not intended to offend anyone. I have personally been attacked for my personal beliefs on E and I don't share personal opinions anymore for that very reason.  I feel bad that someone feels they can't post on this board because their opinions may be different that someone else's opinions here.  I don't think that anyone here would want that to happen.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, you generalized when you said "you ladies".  I don't think that I attacked anyone - I didn't mean to and after re-reading my post, I don't think anything I said could be misunderstood that way.  My point is that people give up to easily and I would never presume to understand what you endured as you were growing up, but I know that for my own marriage, I would try anything to avoid divorce.  That is my personal opinion - for myself.  And yes, I do feel sad if someone gives up on their marriage without trying although I've never sat in judgement of a divorcee regarding their reasoning for divorcing.  </div><div>
    </div><div>My grandparents got married when grandma was almost 16 and grandpa was almost 19.  Grandma's parents had divorced when she was about 8 or 9 years old so she didn't have great role models for loving parents.  Grandpa was seriously wounded in WWII and spent a full year in hospitals.  Then he spent 2 more years away from home in nursing school.  My grandma says she think grandpa had an affair while in nursing school.  They had two very young children at that time.  The younger of those two children had leukemia and died at age 10.  My grandparents went through so much in their first 15 years of marriage and could have given up so many times but they didn't.  They were married for 70 years before my grandpa died.  They had their days and moments when they disagreed and were mad at each other.  But they stayed together and when grandpa died, my grandma was devastated.  They are my inspiration.  I think about them so much and am amazed at how they put their differences aside and made their marriage work.</div><div>
    </div><div>I choose to think of the positive and try to learn from the positive relationships in my life.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Stage - don't give up on us.</div>
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:f00837fe-ccb6-4d48-ad07-c11d58da2c1e">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]hautily saying "oh because I'm a Christian and my faith is important to me, I'll neeeeever divorce!"  Also, we cannot necessarily judge the marriages of others or their reasons for choosing divorce IRL, because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage. But I don't think that we can judge when we simply aren't in the marriage...that's between them and God.
    Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

    <div>The following explains my personal opinion.  I say that because I am a Christian, I have faith and believe that God wants us to be together and He wants for our marriage to last.  I believe that if we ever experienced a difficult situation, we would look to God as our guide and trust Him to help us work it out.  I can't say for certain that we will never divorce, but it would take a lot to get there.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I've been told on these boards that because I would like to have children and DH does not want them now, that should be a deal breaker.  I've been told to walk away from him because of this.  I believe that God's will was for us to get married and if we don't both want children, I am not about to leave the marriage.  I'm not one to judge someone else for divorcing.  But I seriously question anyone who says they would walk away without trying.  That's all.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:d38e9c23-b866-4e0a-895f-80f9aa64f344">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce : The following explains my personal opinion.  I say that because I am a Christian, I have faith and believe that God wants us to be together and He wants for our marriage to last.  I believe that if we ever experienced a difficult situation, we would look to God as our guide and trust Him to help us work it out.  I can't say for certain that we will never divorce, but it would take a lot to get there.   I've been told on these boards that because I would like to have children and DH does not want them now, that should be a deal breaker.  I've been told to walk away from him because of this.  I believe that God's will was for us to get married and if we don't both want children, I am not about to leave the marriage.  I'm not one to judge someone else for divorcing.  But I seriously question anyone who says they would walk away without trying.  That's all.
    Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

    Of course you went into your marriage expecting the marriage to last.  As God hates divorce, I believe He wants our marriages to last.  I am going into my marriage with nothing less with that mindset and dedication.

    But my issue was that, IMO, it's easy for us to say "I have faith and I don't believe in divorce" when, especially for those of us either engaged or newly married, we have yet to see the darkest days of our marriages.  We don't know what that looks like for other couples, and what leads them to divorce.  Even for those of us who are Christian and have faith that their marriages will last, it unfortunately doesn't always work out that way.  I don't think that if that happens, that necessarily means that they weren't Christian enough or were less faithful than those whose marriages do last.   While God is "black and white" and is a God of absolutes, life is rarely either.
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:b4895729-250c-492b-a65b-6002b9e7688a">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]Joe, you don't openly attack (the general you of the board, not you specifically) because people with faith but differing opinions come here and read the judgement you (again general board tone) dole out on others from here in your safe corner and are often too intimidated to speak up.  [/QUOTE]  I don't understand this.

    [QUOTE]If the fact that I 100% support divorce as an option, albeit a last resort option, makes me less Christian in your eyes, then so be it.  [/QUOTE]  I understand that divorce is an option for me too and several people on this thread have agreed with that.  I don't know why you think anyone is saying that someone would be "less Christian" for choosing divorce, especially as you qualified that by saying a last resort.  That statement is what everyone is saying.

    [QUOTE]You're all more than welcome to your opinions.  But to sit over here and talk about how those ladies (and me by extension) obviously don't know God or have Him at the head of their marriages just because of that one fact is hypocritical and honestly a bit ludicrous.  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]  I would never presume to understand your personal situation and would never judge either that situation or any other situation that is not my own.  Please understand that I said that those of us who post here have faith in God.  I did NOT say that anyone one that board does NOT have faith in God.  Big difference.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think most posters actually agree on this topic.

    It's more common to hear "divorce isn't an option!" from a very open, Christian poster. But even then, I've never seen someone say that they would absolutely never divorce even through cases of abuse or adultery, or any other problems that come so far that it won't be worked out. Most people (I say naively) just respond that that won't happen to them.

    Whereas, from a more secular standpoint, most people say that they'd want to work things out first, but divorce could realistically happen. For many reasons, divorce is extremely prominant but your faith seems to have very little do with that result as a variable since the statistics are no different.

    Honestly, the main difference I see between this thread on here and the thread on E is how people say what they think, as opposed to what they're saying. E is just more blunt, but I think it's all the same conclusion.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i sort of have a different view.

    i dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life.  i think there are some instances where one must divorce (abuse) or other instances where the other spouse simply leaves teh marriage and you really have no say or choice in the matter.  however, if this were my situation, i know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die.  i would not date or marry again, but i woudl remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:482caa25-3193-490f-9c41-ee34f48cf0e4">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]i sort of have a different view. i dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life.  i think there are some instances where one must divorce (abuse) or other instances where the other spouse simply leaves teh marriage and you really have no say or choice in the matter.  however, if this were my situation, i know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die.  i would not date or marry again, but i woudl remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Remarriage is one of the topics we'll be looking at in my SS class and I'm really interested to hear it taught. I've never actually heard anyone speak on it, but I think I pretty much agree with you here Calypso.
  • edited December 2011
    FI and I have talked about this, and we agree that divorce isn't an option for us.  Of course that's assuming nothing drastic happens.  Besides what people have mentioned, I could not stay with someone who drank excessively (not b/c of religious beliefs, but b/c of what life was like for me growing up with an alcoholic father).  FI rarely drinks, so I don't expect this to happen, but I don't think anyone expects a spouse to be abusive either. 

    When we (meaning FI and I) say divorce isn't an option, I guess we're saying that we mean for the marriage to last forever and aren't going to let little things break us apart. 

    My Nana also believes divorce isn't an option.  Her husband was the kindest man in the world to her.  She said if she'd married someone who was abusive she'd knock him over the head with a frying pan.  I'd say divorce would be preferable to murder.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:7ff8a525-7b59-4314-861c-1ee919402fb6">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE] Someone once told me they went to a wedding where instead of saying, "till death do us part" they said, "as long as our love shall last".  That made me so sad. 
    Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]


    I wonder if they meant that to be their creative way to say til death do we part....
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:12b37be9-2831-43b5-9a04-767d3576a026">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce : I wonder if they meant that to be their creative way to say til death do we part....
    Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

    well, at least saying "as long as our love shall last" would honeslty reflect how they feel if they believe divorce is an option.  i honestly dont understand how people can get up there and say 2, 3 or even 4 times the vow "till death do we part".  i would think at some point it would lose meaning.
  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:a957a1cc-f210-45ec-84bf-db83a964f4ca">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]The Bible only gives two options for divorce: marital unfaithfulness and <strong>abuse</strong>. Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]

    I know in the book of Matthew it speaks about divorce and adultry but I don't recall reading in the bible about abuse? Can someone please direct me to the verse or chapter that speaks of this?
  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_ettiquette-boards-discussion-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b76852ca-baa2-4ad0-8cf2-fe8e40941a51Post:482caa25-3193-490f-9c41-ee34f48cf0e4">Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce</a>:
    [QUOTE]i sort of have a different view. I dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life. however, if this were my situation, I know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die.  I would not date or marry again, but I would remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree and this would be my stance as well.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think divorce is an option unless there is abuse or cheating - but just because someone cheats on you does not mean you can get a divorce. My dad has cheated on my mom at least twice - and they're still married - but my mom's said if it happens one more time, she will leave. I don't blame her. I know mistakes do happen once. Since the second time it happened was almost 15 years after the first, I'd forgive it too... but seriously, three times? I wouldn't forgive again.
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