Guest list questions

B&B1221

Has anyone else had any struggles with trying to put together a guest list?  We were trying to keep ours around 150, but right now it is at 235.  Granted, that does include about 40 people that we are almost positive will not be able to attend.  (My entire family lives 12 hours away, so with the exception of my immediate family, I don't expect most to be able to afford to make the drive down.)  I do feel like even though we are pretty sure some of the out of town guests won't be able to attend, they still need to be invited.  But even taking out those guests, we are still left with quite a few over our desired number.  My real struggle is, there are several people on the list (mostly coworkers) who have just assumed from the beginning that they were coming, and one even sent a calendar invite to a few other people (who I actually wasn't planning on inviting) to get it on their calendar early.  I think I would feel terrible telling any of them that they couldn't come, but inviting them might mean that we won't be able to include others who we actually are closer with.  Does anyone have any experience or advice with this?

mrsamyjones

You need to expect that everyone you invite will show. That means only invite how many you can afford. We sent invites to FI's family in the UK and expected that only one or two would make the trip. Well guess what, 33 people are coming. People travel for weddings. Dont invite anyone more than to want to come. If you can only afford 150 people only invite 150 people.  

dawnbeatty

I'm in the same boat.  We really want to keep ours at 125-150 MAX.  But we also wanted to invite family who are out of state kind of knowing they won't come. That being said we also have co-workers that have kind of been added at the last minute.  I have done really well about not talking wedding stuff at work because I don't want people to just assume they are getting invited.  I have invited a select few and since I'm on a committee at work I invited the executive board of that committee.  But FI who originally didn't want to invite any co-workers, he is really really private, has recently added like 12-14 additional people. 
We just sent out our invites last night.  The total was 241 invites!!!  I was so stressed all weekend because I'm like how are we going to pay for this.  But some of those are out of state and some are elderly who might not be in good health to come.  So I'm keeping fingers crossed that we get AT LEAST 90 NO's!!!

Calypso1977

ways to cut:

1.  dont extend "and guest" to anyone unless they are married, engaged, living together or "serious".

2.  dont include children

3.  dont include anyone who you do not know personally, are close to, and is involved with your life.  we excluded many distant cousins (1st cousins) simply becuase we hadnt seen tehm in 10+ years. 

4.  unless your parents are footing the bill, dont invite their friends/coworkers.

5.  dont invite your coworkers unless you spend a fair amount of time with them outside of work and consider them friends that you would actually still be friends with if you left your job.

bottom line is you dont have to invite every relative just becuase they are a relative or ever person youve ever met.

iamjoesgurl

Our venue recommended no more than 125 guests but could accommodate up to 145 so we invited about that many, knowing that if all 145 came, we would not have a dance floor.  We had about 100 adults respond yes and then about 15 children for a total of 115. 

I agree with the pps who recommend that you only invite the number of people that you can afford/have room for.  You should never assume that someone won't come.  I have seen so many times on this board where brides-to-be made that assumption and guess what?  The people came to the wedding!

I did not invite any co-workers.  It was family and friends only.  How many of your co-workers will be involved in your life in 5 or 10 years?  I would only invite those with whom you have a personal (not work-only) relationship.  You will need to approach people now and let them know that although you'd love to include everyone in your wedding, your budget will not allow it.  People understand.

Also, for those people who you think will not attend, sending them an invitation could be perceived as a request for a gift.  You probably don't mean it that way.  If you invite them, just make sure that you have room at your venue and in your budget for them.

But I'll say it again, I would really recommend cutting co-workers off the guest list unless you spend time with them outside of work.  Someday when you look back at your wedding, you'll be glad your family and friends were there.  I doubt you will care if your co-workers were there.

desi2002

Im inviting 100, but only expecting 80. This is b/c there are those people that you HAVE to invite, even though you KNOW they aren't comming. I reserved my venue for 50, and then when I get my FINAL head count and RSVP list, I will let my venue know how many more people I need to reserve for. If they don't rsvp, they better not expect a plate,  LOL

B&B1221

Thanks so much for the advice!  I actually just talked to one of my coworkers about this and she suggested that we apply this simple logic:  Would you invite this person over to your house for dinner?  If no, then they would be good candidates to cut.  I think this will help us with some cuts.  I do agree with you, mrsamyjones, that no one should ever be invited that we are not prepared to show up.

Thanks girls!  Hope you are all having a great day!