Does this make sense to you?

fignewton219

I don't have too many friends that understand the whole church thing so I'm bringing this to you ladies.

So FI and I have been together for 6yrs. He is a non-active member at his church and I recently have become active at his church but I am not a member.

We do have kids and were planning on getting married Aug. 2012. He came to me last night and told me that he wants to become more active in the church! Of course I'm excited about this but that means that he wants to move the wedding up to Nov. 2011!

He wants a silent wedding with Bishop, and witnesses. No family or friends and then go on with the ceremony and reception in 2012 like planned.
 
Does it make sense to have a ceremony and reception after we're already married? Or should we just stick to our original plan and get married next year?

orangehills

(I just lurk on this page so far (hi!), but thought I'd throw my thoughts on this out here...)

I think it's ok, only if you call it what it is though- a vow renewal, and don't keep the fact you are already married a secret from anyone. You may want to try the etiquette page too because they have some good advice on how to word everything when telling people, and creating invitations, as well!

Congrats on the upcoming nuptials, that's really exciting he's ready to be active!

sessionswedding

Does your FI think that you need to be married in order to be more active in the church?  That's not true, and if the other church members look down on you for it before you're married, then they need to go back to the part of the New Testament that says not to judge.

To answer your original question, if you get married now, call your ceremony and reception next year a "vow renewal," and you should be good.  HTH! 

iamjoesgurl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_this-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:bafbd1eb-744f-4ebd-98f5-ebf5eb1e964aPost:4c0b3bf6-8ccb-4305-9f02-ee1506fc802a">Re: Does this make sense to you?</a>:
[QUOTE] - a vowel renewal
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

Just to avoid confusion, it is vow renewal.  You are renewing the vows to each other in 2012 (vows original made in 2011). 

But my personal opinion is that a year seems soon for renewing vows but you could arrange your vows to focus less on renewal, and be different from wedding vows.  For example,

Instead of - I (name) take you (name) to be my husband...and to cherish you as long as we both shall live.

Suggestion - Understanding the vows that we have made to each other, I affirm my commitment to be your constant friend and your faithful partner.  I promise to love you unconditionally, support you in your goals and cherish you as long as we both shall live.

If it were me, I would avoid calling it a wedding or a vow renewal and just call it a marriage celebration or something signifying that Iwant people to celebrate with us the commitment that we've already made to each other.

It is so awesome that your FI desires to be more involved because it will make it so much easier for you to be able to share that with him.

.

orangehills

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_this-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:bafbd1eb-744f-4ebd-98f5-ebf5eb1e964aPost:adbc3185-8158-4d80-9f64-559f325748ff">Re: Does this make sense to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this make sense to you? : Just to avoid confusion, it is vow renewal. 

That's what I meant- I didn't even realize I wrote out vowel! Too many English classes :/

fpaemp2011

I also feel that one year is really early for a VR, but if you decide to get married in November and then have a vow renewal and reception next year, please don't lie to your friends and family about being married or try to hide it.  

That's all I have to say that hasn't been said already.

mrandmrsbrist

Personally, I think you should either get married in November and be done with it or stick with your original plan and get married in 2012, not both.

AllyG303

stick to the original plan if you want the reception.  Would you wear your dress next year?  That would make it a little weird IMO.  And I also have to ask, why do you have to get married earlier for him to be more active in the church?  Either way, it's very exciting that he wants to help out more! 

fignewton219

We don't have to get married for him to be more active. I think its just starting to bother him now that we are "living in sin" And yes he had said as well it would be a vow renewal. But I as well think that it would be too soon for that. I do like Iamjoesgurl suggestion of not calling it a vow renewal and a celebration.

RebeccaJac

Stick with your orignial plan. You do NOT need to be married already to get active in a church. If your church can't handle that-- find a new church. It's not a requirement at all. 

I don't like the idea of a vow renewal so soon. I think it's a one or the other issue, but don't make the decision based on wanting to get involved in the church.