advice

ricia

we are both christians but i am more into Spiritual matters than him.... I know we have sort God's face and God approves but i want him to take the lead in this aspect of the relation....... how can i get this message across without appearing as a nagging wife/finace

heyimbren

Do you have a mentoring couple that you can go to for advice? Pre-marital counselling? Any book studies he's able to look into to discover his role as the husband?

Something like this is really going to require a change on his part, which requires more than you just getting the message across to him.

ricia

Yes we are to start pre marital counselling with his pastor(the one marrying us) in two weeks... Most likely it will surface then

CHarley2B

What do you mean by you're more into spiritual matters?

I think you need to be in serious prayer for him.  I sometimes felt the same way about my FH but I really had to evaluate. For me I felt like I was trying to judge his walk with God based on what I could outwardly see him expressing but God showed me that wasn't right.   We all grow in God at a different pace and experience God in a unique way and what is most important is the heart.  I would definitely suggest prayer rather than trying to talk to him because God can always do it so much better than we do

iamjoesgurl

This summer I was able to attend a conference where Jim Kelly (former Buffalo Bills quarterback) and his wife Jill spoke.  Jill has been a born again Christian for longer than Jim and one thing she said was that she really needed to learn to let Jim's faith develop without having expectations of where he is with his faith journey. 

I feel that in the relationship with my DH, I am more mature in my spiritual walk, but when I fell in love with him, I knew that.  It may never change and I had to accept that.  What is your real concern?  Are you concerned that your FI is not living out his faith like you are? Are you concerned that this may adversely affect your home and your children someday?  I think I would encourage you to really try to understand why it bothers you and whether it is something you would be okay with if he never changed.

ricia

Thank you for the comments, I really appreciated it. My concerns are that he does not take the initiative in saying "let's study God's word or let's pray on this matter. I know he prays and I do as well but when it comes as a couple I want him to make the move and be the priest of our home. I attend church weekly that is how i grew uo there were no excuses for not going and i enjoyed church and sometimes he misses for months and comes up with flimsy excuses why he cannot attend mostly because he has work to do etc...That is one of my fears thatthe childrenw ill see this example and not think fellowship is important.

We were livingin different countries for the past year because of his job and during that time he probably went to church four times if so much and that bothered me to the point where i just stopped asking him why he isnt going to just praying that God will remove the scales from his eyes, so he can see the significance of being in God's house.

heyimbren

I think pre-marital counselling will be good for you. I think it's good for everyone.

Honestly, the more you tell me about your situation this is my honest advice:
Study the biblical role of a godly woman. Seriously. Really dive in depth and search out who God wants you to be as a woman, as a friend, as a soon to be wife and mother.

Focus on yourself, not your husband. I do believe that with that, you will hopefully receive more guidance on how to act with your FI.

The role of a godly woman is a very unique one, that I think is often overlooked. Most people know the verse "Wives, submit to your husbands" but seriously study this. It means a lot more than it looks at a first glance.

I've spent just over a year trying to learn as much as I can about becoming the woman God wants me to be. It's really challenged my faith, and I've learned so much.

iamjoesgurl

Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like your FI is not living up to your expectations.  If he never changes, will you be okay with that?  If not, it will be easier to deal with the situation now than after you are married.