Am I being immature?? (long)

kalizoomba

My grandpa died last October. He and his newest wife (I think it was his 4th) had only been married for 3 or 4 years at the time. I'm not that close to her, but I know she was greiving after his death, so I went out of my way to check on her at least a few times a week, visited her, and she continued to promise that she'd come to my house for lunch sometime. She's not even came once - and when she sees me in the store or somewhere, she pretty much ignores me. 

She does that to pretty much the entire family. Well, for Christmas, She got my brother a gift, my cousins a gift - and pretty much everyone a gift. Except me. She said it was because she didn't want to just buy a generic gift for me because I was so special to her- and she was looking for the perfect gift and could never find it -- then she forgot to buy me anything. 

So, being the Christian I am, I forgave her. She ended up giving me a check a few days after Christmas. (And I know - christmas is not about the gifts - I was just a bit stunned when everyone but me got something). 

In janurary, it was my brother's birthday. She got him a card and some money. No issues there.

Anyway, in Februrary (on my birthday) she sent me a message on Facebook, saying that being friends with me and seeing me and talking to me was just too hard on her and so she was going to unfriend me. (and the rest of the family.)  Again, I was a bit sad because she had forgotten my birthday, but I knew she was still greiving, so I forgave her again.

So. Today, we had a graduation party for my brother and I. He's graduating from high school, and I'm graduating with my bachelor's degree. We invited just our grandparents, and my gradpa's widow. Everyone came. My grandparents gave both my brother and I a card with money in it. Chris gave only my brother something. She didn't even acknowledge me. She didn't say hi when she came in, didn't say bye when she left, and didn't give me a hug (but she gave everyone else a hug....)

Am I'm just being immature? I really feel hurt. I'm not really concerned with the gifts - after all it's the though that counts. She didn't think of me. I don't care if she would have gotten me a roll of toilet paper - at least it would be something!! Even a hug would have worked. I'm so fed up with her and I don't want to invite her to the wedding. 

DramaGeek

I don't think you're wrong to feel hurt.  I think anyone would feel that way in your situation.  Heck, I get upset for H when his parents favor his sisters, and it doesn't even effect me!

Assuming the date in your bio is right, invites won't go out until mid August.  I would wait and decide closer to then, but if things don't change I probably wouldn't invite her, assuming you didn't send her a STD or verbally invite her already.

I get that she was your grandfathe's wife, but given that they weren't married long, you were grown when they did marry, and you weren't close to her to begin with, I doubt there will be much of a relationship after your grandfather has been gone for a year or so.

mrandmrsbrist

Have you asked her about it?

GJones27

Maybe she has depression?  Beginning of Alzeihmer's?  That's really weird.  I'd be upset, too.

kellya01

I don't think you're being immature.  It sounds very strange to me that she would treat you so differently as compared to your brother.  It would be different if she just kind of "forgot" the whole family, but to purposefully remember everyone else and to forget you, and the whole FB thing, that's pretty unusual and I'd be hurt too.  

Let it ride, remember to show her the love of Christ, and if she forgets you time after time, well, just try your best to keep your reaction quiet and away from her.  Trust me when I tell you that your family DOES notice how she treats you... I've gotten that same treatment before and it really sucks, but the family DOES notice.  My family noticed and made up for it as best as they could.  Not that I needed that kind of consideration or gifts or anything, but they'll make up for being forgotten.  

Ah, and just like someone told me on here when I was complaining about the awful behavior of my collegues and the students I teach, they suggested praying for them... "pray for your enemies" kind of behavior.  Maybe that will help you like it helped me!! :-)   I wish you the best as you try to navigate this difficulty... it can't be easy.  

FaithCaitlin

I agree it's strange behavior and I don't blame you for being hurt. Like Kellya said, show her the love of Christ and keep forgiving her. Pray for her. 

I'm sorry you're hurt. And I'm sorry for the loss of your grandpa. 

Prayers for you!

joyfulbride424

I personally think her behavior is just plain bizarre - it sounds like something is wrong and its not a personal afront to you. I would be hurt too, I think you're justified in that. I think if it were me I'd just invite her to the wedding and expect she may not come.

iamjoesgurl

I would also be upset.  I also feel those same things sometimes in a similar situation.  

If you still feel this way when you are ready to send out invitations, I would recommend that you not invite her.  I feel like based on what you said, she will just decline the invitation and then you will be even more hurt.  I just don't think it is worth inviting the hurt.

In the meantime, if you know you are going to be seeing her, just pray that God will give you the grace to show love to her.

kalizoomba

One of the main reasons that I was inviting her is that her great-grandson will be my ring bearer.  However, she's moving soon, and if I don't get her new address, I won't be able to send her an invite!!    (her granddaughter and I got really close after our grandparents married, and she was pregnant at the time, and I got to babysit him a lot.)
 
I feel bad for not inviting her, even if she does treat me horribly, I feel like I need to love her anyway and keep forgiving her.

I haven't said anything to her yet, I feel like it's not really my place to say "Hey, you forgot me at christmas, my birthday, and at graduation!!" 

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-being-immature-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:ccb986b4-d745-4f87-a34c-4141cb25a106Post:58ee8a10-2d19-45b6-b4bd-d38ec03ec1bf">Re: Am I being immature?? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't said anything to her yet, I feel like it's not really my place to say "Hey, you forgot me at christmas, my birthday, and at graduation!!" 
Posted by kalizoomba[/QUOTE]

That's not really what I was suggesting. We both know that's a little ridiculous. You said plenty of times that you're not worried about the gifts, but if this woman is someone you care about, you might ask her if something is wrong.

I don't know. I know I'm not the type of person to let something as extreme and obvious as that go on without asking about it. Obviously don't point out the gifts and ask as someone who is concerned about her and not yourself.

kalizoomba

I've asked her if anything's wrong. She always just says she's just feeling a big sad today. She honestly doesn't talk to me much at all. When she does, it's just short sentences.

mrandmrsbrist

Interesting...

Without really knowing you or knowing her, I don't have much advice for you other than to pray for her and love her. It's hard for people to respond negatively to love. And with that being said, I'll pray for the situation.

AshNoel8

You aren't being immature at all. Maybe she is just sad because she cares about you a lot, but she has a strange way of dealing with it. All you can do is keep trying and try not to let it get to you. Don't take it personally. I will say a prayer! 

kalizoomba

thanks guys. 

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_am-being-immature-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:ccb986b4-d745-4f87-a34c-4141cb25a106Post:b4519e0e-151c-4560-99b7-388a06537b80">Re: Am I being immature?? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe she has depression?  Beginning of Alzeihmer's?  That's really weird.  I'd be upset, too.
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

I wouldn't get too upset about things, even though I understand why you are hurt. It could be early symptoms of dimensia.