My BF and I met online a year ago January and started a LDR. We saw each other a few times throughout the year, met each other's families, and even went to my sister's wedding and celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Everything is wonderful and he's an awesome man of God. I recently graduated in Dec and then moved to his town - BUT - because I had no job lined up and not much money, we decided to live together. Before ya'll start shaking your heads, though, let me clarify. He lives with his mom b/c she cannot live by herself (she retired too early and doesn't get much income and is very very picky about getting a new job). She's single and has been for a long time and my BF is her only child. His father is not in the picture. So they live in the family house and his mom opened up their spare room for me to stay as long as needed until I get a job and can get my own place. We have committed ourselves to abstinence and have stayed true to that, although I'll admit there are days when it is harder.
In regards to my FMIL in this situation, I'm trying to look at all the positives, but it gets really hard after awhile. It's good to get to know her a lot better b/c it helps our relationship, but every woman knows you CANNOT have two women running the house!!! I was fully aware that this would be hard for me since she's clearly the woman in charge and I don't want to challenge her, but the longer I stay there, there harder it gets. We just butt heads on so many things, but I have to submit to her ways since it's her house. She doesn't clean hardly at all. I have taken up 90% of the cleaning and my BF helps when he can but he works full time and is in school, so he can't do much (she doesn't even clean up her own messes, I have to clean up for her b/c her standard of cleanliness is way lower than mine!!). She sits in her bed most of the day and watches TV and talks baby-talk to her dog. BTW, the dog is not out-door potty trained. He has a puppy pad that he uses in the back and so the back room smells like a sewer all the time!! She claims she can't smell it, but hello!!! if you there is feces and urine, it's gonna smell bad! BF and I have told her this, but can't do anything about it. It's hard to believe someone can live like this. My BFand I avoid that area of the house as much as possible.
She also very irresponsible financially and will buy a lot of stuff for herself on credit, but then can't contribute her share of the housing bills and BF has to pick up the slack. This really wasn't a problem until I arrived since my BF didn't really mind helping his mom out but now he sees that he can't keep doing that since there is another woman in his life. He listens to me thankfully and has started to stand up against his mom on financial issues. He's really good about taking his position as the man of the house and he takes my advice. FMIL is slowly changing and adjusting, but I guess I'm just worried that when BF and I get engaged and start planning our wedding, that she is going to try and stay latched onto him financially. He has already assured me and his mom that when we are married, we will live alone and be financially independent. I trust him b/c he has already stood up to his mom on these issues and taken action and he is not backing down (today, we all sat down and established a grocery budget so we can save and she was compliant). She needs a job so she can support herself and she has made a lot more effort recently to find one, so she is making changes and trying.
I just needed to share and get this off my chest b/c it does create a lot of stress for me. Since I still don't have a job and can't contribute to the expenses, I feel like I can't really speak up to FMIL, but I do bring my concerns to BF.
Praise God - I want to add that a friend of FMIL from church is also a single lady and knows full-well what I'm going through (she's had financial issues with FMIL too!!!). She is probably moving soon, but still has a house that she owns here. She has asked me to live there and keep the place up while she's gone (which will be a while so I can stay until I can afford my own place and she will pay the bill!!!!). This isn't for sure yet, but will probably happen within the month. I think my FMIL is jealous b/c in the last few days, I've been spending more time with HER friend who is helping me out.
I am polite at home and keep my mouth shut most of the time so I don't cause trouble and pick a fight with FMIL, but I still feel the tension in the air. So, if you had the patience to read all of this, please keep me in your prayers that I will remain calm, trust the Lord to help me get out soon to keep the peace, and also that God will provide a job for me very soon! Thanks!
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