For several years, the relationship between my mother and me has not been good. She primarily raised me as a single mom and we were close for alot of years. She had cancer when I was a freshman in high school so I went to class, worked full time and took care of her through the treatments. Even when I was old enough to move out on my own, I made sure she never went without and even though she had a husband, I was the one who always "came to her rescue".
Then, my father died in 2006. My parents had been divorced since I was barely 2. He bounced in and out of my life; even at the time when he passed, I hadn't seen him in 5 years. But, I'd always hoped he would come around and at some point we could have a solid relationship. I grieved for my dad... and my mother never quite understood that. I don't know if she expected me to not care, disregard him or be emotionless... But I was affected, more than even I thought I would be.
After that, she began to change. And I began to change. She started making plans with me and breaking them. Sometimes she would stand me up. Our frequent weekend visits gradually faded. When I saw her, she was not the same. I started taking care of me for a change... I got braces, I enrolled in college, I got a different job... all the things I'd been putting off, I began to realize life was too short not to do them. In 2009, I even relocated to TN for a job and she did not even acknowledge it. The distance though further deteriorated our relationship. I was in town frequently visiting my then-boyfriend (now H) but she would never make plans and would complain after I was back in TN that I didn't move mountains to see her. After that, she disappeared, for 2 years... until FB messaged me over xmas this year to get the scoop on my life and give her usual pity party. After she asked how to reach me, I suggested we exchange info since I had no way of contacting her either. No response. I sent a followup message in Mar letting her know I was getting married this summer. No response. If she had shown the least bit of interest, given me the slightest inkling that she gave a crap or wanted to be there, I would have invited her. But she did not.
Today, her "friend" found me on FB and messaged me saying I should be ashamed of not including my mother in my wedding. Why do people feel the need to jump into things they have no clue about!? And how is it that I am the bad guy ALWAYS where my mother is concerned!? Ugggggggggghhhh...
I've been dealing with this for far too long. Please pray for some direction on what I am supposed to do. I am at the point where I want to just separate from her and the drama completely, as I feel I have gone above and beyond to try to salvage a relationship. But she is still my mother.