Lonely (vent and kind long)

LeahVB2011

I posted this also on the June 2011 board but I would want a Chirstian perspective on my feelings:
So last night I found out that a group of people I was close to in high school, had a new year's eve party with out me. I graduated May '09 so it wasn't that long ago.  All new year's eve, I had a huge void of loniless. Fi is in Orlando and we both work today so we spent the last hour and a half of 2010 on skype, which isn't bad but I didn't have anyone else to spend it with so I sat there, alone. It's just hard for me because I'm a very social person and since I have moved to college and back home, I haven't made many new friends and now that I'm back in the same area that I went to high school, I haven't kept up very good contact because I have been working a lot and I just don't think to contact people like I should. Granted on the other side, they might not  have thought to contact me because I haven't been around. I have heard from married friends of mine that once you get married, there's a certian void that you feel because people don't come around as often. I feel like I'm feeling that sting 5months and 4days early. I don't know if God is using it to make my transition being married easier and giving me a want to truly go where He's taking Fi and I but it seems like a very odd way to do it. I'm really to sure. My new years resolution is to get back in contact with people. I don't know if this makes any sense, I just needed a place to vent.

golden1215

It's probably just that they thought you were still too busy.  If you dont reach out to them, they wont reach out to you.  If you're okay with the friendship dying off, so you can focus on your upcoming marriage, then I no worries.  If you want to keep the friends though, I would say you have to work at it and make a point of doing things/calling the HS friends. 

And I can say my friendships didnt change when I got married.  If anything, my friendship with other married friends become stronger.  So you can have both! :-)

kellya01

My loneliness came when I was transitioning into "real life" and my friends graduated but moved back home, didn't have bills to pay, etc.  It is lonely when they are spending every last dime and I'm more concerned about saving for the future (etc).  So, I get the feeling of loneliness.  

Just know that you are NOT alone.  Sometimes it means you need to try to reach out to the friends you DO wish to keep and let them know that you'd love to be part of something if they have plans, and sometimes it is allowing yourself to reach out to a new group of friends such as other married couples, etc.  Do you have a church you attend regularly and have a "sunday school" class at that church you could join that might represent where you are in life now?  

Don't let yourself become lonely just because they didn't call you and ask you to come along... call them and say "hey, what are you doing for new years eve, I have to get OUT of the house!"  

Oh, and don't be afraid to share your fears of loneliness or else it will just get worse.  Pray, pray pray!! 

GJones27

That sounds like a real downer.  I'm sorry you had to spend the holidays like that.  I wouldn't take it personally, as all of us go through points in life when we're excluded.  Your friends probably didn't mean ill; people can just sometimes be thoughtless in a sort of oblivious kind of way.  But I wouldn't go about expecting married life to be like that.  I know many married couples who find that they love hanging out with other married couples.  You'll be in a different phase of life, so you'll probably just find yourself more often with other couples as opposed to single and unattached friends.  To make up for this bad day, try to go out and have fun with friends or your FI, whenever you have the chance.  Or if that doesn't work, go out and treat yourself.  You deserve all the best.

LeahVB2011

Thanks all. As of right now, all of our couple friends are no where near us and Fi and I live an hour a part. Both of us are involved in our different churches. I teach Sunday School for 1st- 3rd graders and he's an intern. So it's very difficult. Luckily, Fi has time off next week and my MOH is coming back from Canada (now engaged herself) this week. Plus another friend gets back the 12th. And those are the ones who matter. I don't know. It was awful feeling so lonely. Now that I'm more calm, I am at peace with moving where God leads. And I'm excited for it.