Priest gift?

dunnkat

I am Roman Catholic and being married by a priest at my local parish. I have fallen out of regular church attendance in recent years unfortunately due to work/military schedule etc. My sister in law who is Christian told me that I am supposed to invite our deacon to the wedding and rehearsal dinner and also give him a gift? We have met with him only once, and there is a 300$ wedding fee , do I really need to buy him a gift? 

naomikb

We are inviting our Lutheran pastor to the rehearsal dinner and to the wedding reception.  I have no idea if he will accept the invitation to either or both.  I hope that if he attends the reception he doesn't feel like he has to bring a gift.

However, we attend church regularly and know our pastor really well.  It might be more awkward if you invite your minister that you don't know - that being said, if he thinks it would be uncomfortable or he doesn't want to attend, he can always politely decline.

We are paying our pastor a $200 fee, in cash directly to him.  At this point we aren't planning to get him an extra gift.

I have heard from other church administrators before though that if you want to get them a gift, you should stick to things like gift cards to a restaurant.  Pastors have so many crosses/church-themed decor/religion books and in general don't need them, although it might be a nice gesture.

bibliophile2010

The rule of thumb for the Catholic girls (and there is a specifically Catholic board, as well, if you have any related questions) is to invite the priest/deacon to the rehearsal dinner, the reception and to give a gift of $100-200. The $300 marriage fee is probably going to various administrative costs, general upkeep of the church, utilities, etc., and not to your deacon/priest.

From what I've read when this question comes up on the Catholic board, most priests/deacons will decline the RD and reception invitations unless they are particularly close to the couple, and often must decline even then because of other pastoral obligations.

kellya01

I think each church or parish might be different on officiant's fees.  I have to pay about $150 for the church and candle stands, and my pastor is not technically charging because he's employed by the church.  We're planning to give him probably another $150 or so, and maybe more depending on budget, because he's also doing our pre-marital counseling.

I guess it all depends on what the priest is actually getting for performing the ceremony for you.  GL! 

dunnkat

Thanks so much for all of your advice, I think I have a better idea now of what to do.

ecuchika

We are using my cuz as our officiant and giving him at least $100.00.  He is invited to rehersal dinner, reception anyways b/c he is family.

Sunny4

From what I understand, the priest "gift" is usually a gift of money and not an actual nick nack.  Many of my friends have paid a wedding fee and then also a monetary gift to their priest.

GJones27

Wow, I had no idea a gift to the priest is expected!  I'll have to think about what to do.  My priest basically told me we could give any amount to the church.