guest list problem.

catwine

i tried posting a similar message on another board but i felt like people were being a bit mean:(

my problem is that my mom wants to invite people i barely know to our wedding. our parents are all paying for everything so its fair for them to invite people, but i just want people who are important to my FI and i. some of the people my mom wants wouldn't even know who i am because i haven't seen them in years (old Sunday school teacher, member of my parent's bible study group from 10 years ago).  

even though our parents are paying they;re names won't be on the invites. 

i wanted to have a simple, small wedding with just our immediate family and best friends present but felt pressured to having a real wedding. 

i tried bringing this up to my mom and she just gave me a weird look and turned away.  what should i do?

the other board respondants said i should get over it but what do you all think?

BekahL90

Have you tried actually sitting your mom down to talk about expectations for the wedding? It might help to try sitting down together and letting her share her desires for the wedding and then also explaining yours. A daughter getting married is an exciting time for a mother and she is bound to have hopes and dreams for your wedding as well. Maybe these people are important to her. Sitting down together, or maybe going out for coffee or something, and talking about both of your expectations might help both of you understand each other better and find a solution that works for you both. 

Peavy

We weren't mean, we were honest.

Ash61612

I agree with Bekah. Try sitting down with your mom and letting her know how you feel. I am sure she only wants the best for you and may be caught up in the excitement. I had a similar situation with my mom and I had to explain to her how I felt and she had to explain why she thought the people she wanted to invite should be invited. We came up with a solution what worked for us.

sessionswedding

Honestly, MIL did this to us, and we didn't even notice.  The day of our wedding, the only people we noticed were the ones we love and care about anyway.  Interestingly enough, some of the people we didn't know had the most fun dancing and brought the best gifts!  LOL.  But that's not the point.  The point is, this is not a hill worth dying on.  DH and I totally didn't care by the day of the wedding who was there besides our close family and friends.  Everyone else just made the place feel fuller.  I would say let it go.  We did, and we were frustrated about it before the wedding, but it honestly ended up not mattering.  I skipped assigning seats so I didn't feel awkward about assigning tables to people I didn't know, and that was that.

Bett2012

If they're paying for everything, they get final say. However, maybe you could try to talk about it with her (when you're not worked up about it) and hopefully work something out.

We have 150 people and FI and I get 2 tables for "our friends" (plus the head table as well), the rest are "our parents'" friends. It happens that I would invite most of my parents' friends anyways since it's mostly family. We were talking about address collecting, and I said something like "well, I've given you my 8 plus the head table, so I'm done" and my mom read into it that I was bitter/mad that she was inviting alot of people when really I wasn't... so from someone who made this mistake: be very very careful to not have any any anything that could be interpreted as attitude in your tone! it caused stress

Good luck! Hope you work things out.

RebeccaJac

I'd let your mom invite her friends. If she's paying it's really the least you can do. Our parents are paying and because of it, our wedding is looking different than we wanted because we're honoring their wishes. 

If you really want to have a small, intimate wedding, find a venue with a small maximum occupancy. 

Talk to your mom, but it really is customary that whoever pays gets to help make decisions. 

ochemjenn

Like sessions said, it's not a hill worth dying on,  My parents invited some of their own friends I hadn't even seen in 10 years.  It made them happy.  The ILs invited quite a few of their friends as well (if we invite thses people from X group, we have to invite the rest of the group...).  Again it made them happy.  I met some of them before the wedding and found out they're great people I really enjoy spending time with.  Keep an open mind.

I don't know when I reached the age that parent's friends become my friends. 

FaithCaitlin

I agree with the ladies who say to just let it go. BUT, try having a sit down with your mom before you give up entirely. If she's paying she gets the final say. 

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_guest-list-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:e407914b-756a-40df-a0a1-e5886a6cad75Post:8359ba15-2fc7-4570-8598-9587ca570715">Re: guest list problem.</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the ladies who say to just let it go. BUT, try having a sit down with your mom before you give up entirely. If she's paying she gets the final say. 
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]

This.  H and I were adamant that there be no one we had to be introduced to at our wedding, but that didn't mean we were mega close with everyone there.  My parents paid for the wedding, so ultimately they had final say.  And, like Sessions said, you likely won't even notice those people much.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_guest-list-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:e407914b-756a-40df-a0a1-e5886a6cad75Post:3417c8d3-90d1-4787-856d-c85f52920af9">Re: guest list problem.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Honestly, MIL did this to us, and we didn't even notice.  The day of our wedding, the only people we noticed were the ones we love and care about anyway.</strong>  Interestingly enough, some of the people we didn't know had the most fun dancing and brought the best gifts!  LOL. 
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

I thought I remembered this happening to you.....

faith415

Jumping in late I know, but I really struggled with this during our wedding. I really didn't want DH and I to have to be introduced to anyone during the wedding. I mean, it's honestly awkward at your own wedding to have to go up to people that neither of you know. Originally we had come to an agreement with our parents on this, but the closer we got to the wedding the more that spiraled out of control. My parents and ILs ended up inviting those extra people after we had finalized the guest list.

All the really to say that while I completely understand how frustrating it is, you'll probably be better off in the long run letting them invite the few extra people. It sucks to be two months out and having people added to the guest list, or even better yet, getting an RSVP back saying that your MIL told them they could go ahead and add x person to theirs. If I had agreed to those extra people from the beginning I would have saved myself a lot of trouble and frustration at the end.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Please, save yourself the trouble and just let her add them to the guest list now.

GunzNRoses213

Its frustrating , if she is paying, she should have a say .  Depending on the amount of people you have at your wedding you may not notice a few people you dont know other then at a receiving line etc. Make sure you get the people on the list that are important to you and your FI .. I would hope you wouldnt have to cut those people so she can have her friends there.

I think some people are just sentimental about people from the past .. I would try to keep it to present friends and people in contact with on a regular basis. Maybe try to word it that way with her ?