**iamjoesgurl** & **kellya01**

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

[QUOTE]Beth - is your FI a believer?  Do the two of you share the same faith?
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]I was just thinking the same thing, joesgurl.  It can be difficult to maintain the faith that God wants of us sometimes, and that can become even more difficult if your partner doesn't have the same faith or belief that you do. 
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

I was raised in a church, shoved religion down my throat by my father, and then shown "what to do" that was definitely not right, so I decided I didn’t want to follow that.  I made lots of mistakes and ran from church, God, and everything related with it and have just recently stopped running and turned around to look in the general direction of God himself.  When FI and I met, I was still running from God and didn’t have him believing as a standard.  FI hasn’t had any background or education with the Bible or anything, so therefore doesn’t understand it.

I had a bit of a wake up call the other night watching an infomercial where they were talking about helping the Jews make it back to Israel – they took the truth from the Bible and made it off kilter about 3 degrees.  When the main guy first came on the screen, it immediately didn’t sit right with me.  His voice was abnormally deep and very dark, and something in my pictured the devil as he spoke.  I was in the middle of working on something so I just kind of went, “O…k…weird,” and continued working.  It progressively got creepier, until they talked about the holocaust and a door opened, and I knew there was an evil spirit present.  I had my mom rebuke it and started talking about why it freaked me out and believing.  I told her that while she believes, and I hadn’t in a while, how on earth could I deny it when I have such a strong discernment?  It got me thinking, and I tried to discuss it with FI but he didn’t understand.  He asked as a legitimate question, “So if I feel like there’s something in the dark then?”  I tried to explain it but it’s hard when he’s never been taught those things.

I have the background, but have run so hard and so long it’s hard to stop and trust God again.  I’m slowly working my way back, (I baffled myself when I realized I wanted to join this board) and my mom has been praying for a while now that I would come back to God.  My dad kind of ruined it for me, as he’s all about “religion” and going through the motions of church and the talk, but then can’t forgive or have understanding.  He actually told me I was going to hell a while back, and as of now we haven’t spoken in 2 years.  I saw what he did and said, and didn’t want to be like him since he’s not a very nice person.  I just strove to be nice, understanding and loving, and it ended up bringing me slowly back.

I know that it can be difficult to maintain a relationship with Christ when FI doesn’t understand, but he did tell me if I decided I wanted to take the kids (when we have them) to church he would come as well – which is a step.  He’s very supportive of who I am, and who I strive to be, and never makes fun of me or discourages talking about believing.  He’s just unsure, which I can understand.  He’s told me he believes there is a higher power out there somewhere, he’s just not sure what exactly. 

I’m sorry it’s so long!!  I even feel like that’s the shortened version.  Hopefully you don't look down on me after reading all of that. 

kellya01

No judging at all, I think both of us just expressed some concern that you and your FI might not have similar religious beliefs, that is all!  STILL love you, so please don't feel like you're being looked down on.  We are ALL at different points in our walk with God, some of us just getting back on it after some time, some who are very close with God, and some kind of in between.

My own personal testimony right now is that for several YEARS I struggled in trying to get back to church after college (I'm almost 27 now) and I'm FINALLY back at the point where I feel comfortable re-joining the church choir.  I'm no saint by any means, and I'm trying to grow stronger every day.  My FI is kind of like me -- we are both Bible-believing Christians, and we were raised with the same mix of Southern Baptist and Methodist backgrounds, and we are at similar points on our walk.  Believe it or not, THIS BOARD is what has given me the encouragement to start attending church (again) regularly.   I've been a member at this church since I was 9, but haven't been attending regularly since... I was 18.  In fact, my FI and I have come VERY close to crossing that line that a bunch of us hold rather sacred, that physical divide that 2 people shouldn't cross before marriage, and we feel very guilty about it every time it comes to mind.  We BOTH have struggled in keeping our faith strong. It's only been recently that we are both having a stronger mindset and stronger focus on God.  

Please please don't take my post the wrong way... I just was expressing concern that it seemed like your FI and you might not be on the same faith.  Perhaps I had the wrong idea, after all!!!  Please forgive me!! 

So, there it is, warts and all... no judgment here!! :-)

musicalsunlight

I am not either of the girls you paged in this thread, but just wanted to give you more words of encouragement. I also believe that you are very strong in coming back to your faith, and it is great that you are doing so! I had a similar experiences straying from faith and then meeting back up again during high school. I'm sorry that your dad has soured your feelings toward the church. He shoud not have condemned you, as that is no one's place. I pray that you find more opportunities to explore your faith and grow stronger. I'm in an in between place right now, and wish I had a better outlet than I do right now. Good luck, and also I pray for you and your FI, and hope that his walk with Christ begins sooner rather than later.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

No, no I didn't think you were being mean - I'm just used to my dad's "religion" and the look down part.  It's nothing you did!!

I was raised non-denominational, so it's pretty basic.   

However, FI and I HAVE crossed that sacred line and I regret it, although he doesn't understand it - but also regrets having done so.  He has crossed that line with other women, and now regrets it because his first time wasn't with me.  I crossed that line the first time, not by choice, and then again, because I didn't respect myself - and then a third time I crossed the line with FI.  I put a halt to it, realizing the problems with it and he respects me enough to wait until we're married.  I regret it every day, and pray that our children will not make the same mistakes as us.  I think I'm harder on myself than any other person could ever be, and am so disappointed in my behavior.  I can't change the past, but I can decide my future and what decisions I'll make for the better. 

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

Thank you musicalsunlight!! 

kellya01

Oh, and I noticed that you said your father told you that you're going to hell and what not ... I can TOTALLY understand that driving you away from him and from the religious aspect of church.

About 2 years ago my dad and I were talking, and my mom just refused to talk with me, and when she did, it was snippy and judgmental about my choice of activity on Sunday mornings.  Well, FINALLY I got him to admit that she was just upset that I wasn't attending church regularly and that's why she was acting that way toward me ... well, I ended up bucking even HARDER against them.  My parents are members at a different church in town than where we joined when I was 9, because mom is a church pianist, and dad moved his membership to that church when my lilttle brother went off to college.  So, knowing that they're members at a church where I didn't particularly care for the pastor, in combination with them judging me on me not attending regulary, well, I just quit even reading the Bible for a while.

Eventually, and on GOD's timing, I found my in road to church again.  I found that I was missing the fellowship of the Christians I used to enjoy hanging around.  I found my way back, and have gradually worked my way into places where my God-given talents and skills can be most used.  I know not many people will have the same story I do, and I treasure that I actually appreciate my church a LOT more now.  

I found a lot of answers to my questions by reading authors of apologetic literature.  Many local libraries have books you can check out, and I know that our church also has a library full of books on the faith, who God is, etc, and that might be something you and your FI may want to eventually explore to figure out where your faith is.  Faith is very personal and no one can force you into a faith or belief system, you have to want it for your faith to be authentic.  (Love Gary Chapman's "Authentic Faith" if you are interested in more on that.) 

That got a little off topic, but I hope you can see that I am in NO PLACE to judge, I was just a little unclear about your FI.  You didn't have to clarify but I'm glad that I can keep you and your FI in my prayers for finding answers to your questions and finding Christ in your lives, no matter how small it may seem.  

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

Thank you so much!!  I figure the only way to elaborate and help you understand is to be truthful, and if that means exposing my skeletons - so be it.  The fact that you aren't judging me really means a lot, and touches my heart. 

I'll definitely keep a list of those books to refer to when FI and I are at that point - thank you!!

You didn't have to explain more either, but I appreciate it!!

BTW - LOVE the flowers. 

GJones27

Thanks for sharing your stories.  I would have to say you're not alone, but what is important is that you're back to faith again.  I think it's natural to take time to find your faith after a depature.  In a way, it's like a conversion or rebirth for us, and each of us go through that.  I stopped going to church in high school because I went to a Jesuit high school where there was a lot of hypocrisy and Catholicism was rammed down my throat, even though I'm Orthodox Christian.  It wasn't until my freshman year of college (ironically, at a Jesuit college!) where I had the freedom to think for myself, and I sort of "rediscovered" Orthodox Christianity.  I had always prayed, but l learned the value of and importance of church.

I also think relationships can be a big opportunity for a significant other to rediscover faith as well.  My FI who is Catholic never went to church, even though he was spiritual and prayed.  It wasn't until we started dating and I brought him to church that he rediscovered what it meant to be a Christian.  I think the best way to help someone learn about your faith is to pray WITH them or be an example of a Christian in your daily actions.  I have also shared my books with my FI, and he has enjoyed them.

Bridetobebecause, I think you may be on to something about your gut sometimes sensing something very evil in the world.  I went to college at a Jesuit institution, and they had a chapel (technically, a crypt) that us Orthodox students used every week.  The chapel was right by the graveyard where all the Jesuits who have gone are buried.  One day, I went to the chapel to pray, and I felt something watching me.  I looked around, and there was nothing.  I kept trying to say it was all in my mind, but the feeling grew stronger so I couldn't pray no matter how hard I tried.  I felt something very dark watching me.  I ended up running out of the chapel scared to death.  I shared this experience with my best friend (another Orthodox Christian student who's even more pious than me), and she told me she experienced the same thing. 

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

@ GJones27 - I once went up to a home decked out for halloween and could feel the darkness and evil surrounding it.  It definitely scared me, and I knew it was not the place to be.  I'm very blessed in being able to discern those feelings, but sometimes I wish I wouldn't become overwhelmed with fear, ya know?  But I am thankful that I have the feeling there to tell me to get out of danger. 

iamjoesgurl

Sorry I'm late to this party.  The reason I asked is because it was a prayer thread and I thought that in addition to praying for you and what's going on, I felt that if he was not a believer, you probably desire that for him and I would pray for that too.  Like Kelly said, no judgement.  You are on a faith journey and deciding who God is to you (instead of worshipping just because your parents have taught you to).  That's pretty cool and I hope you'll feel encouraged by this board as you build upon your faith.

And thank you to everyone else for sharing.  I love to hear people's faith stories.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

Thank you ladies for the understanding and kindness!!  I'm very blessed to have found this board, and I truly appreciate you ladies. 

amongthelilies25

BrideToBeBecause - thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart. (: this is why i LOVE this board! Because of the freedom that comes with it. (: You seem like an amazing, genuine young lady.(: 

you have an AMAZING gift of discernment! and gifts can never be revoked. Those gifts are written into our DNA when we were still in our mother's womb. I encourage you to continue listening to that "gut feeling"...because that is the Holy Spirit. I am glad to hear that you already know to close a door when it needs to closed. (: A lot of Christians are still...unsure..of the spiritual realm..but it is all around us. We fight not against flesh and blood afterall. 

About your dad being "religious" i am TRULY sorry to hear that he could have said such hurtful things..but i do understand that religious spirit on someone. I was surrounded by it in church,...and now i go to a church where "FREEDOM" is our motto! haha. Its a huge, globally known church and i am sooo blessed to be apart of it..and even did one year of school of ministry here. 

i will be praying for you and your FI. idk if you read any part of my and my FI's story. but we too, did not wait on the physical part (with others..or with eachother)...but we made a committment in August to recommit ourselves to the purity that we sooooo longed for in our relationship. and stopped ALL physical. It is easier for us...since we are currently in a LDR....but we have decided to even guard up our thought life. it has been soo rewarding..and we are SOOO excited for our wedding night. Just know..that because you have done that...doesnt mean you cant start over. it doesnt mean that you are "bad", or "tainted". Those are the thoughts that i had after we had sex. But it is washed by the blood of Jesus Christ! AMEN! My church has a website on purity......its not your squeaky clean purity website. we are trying to be VERY real about the issue of purity and sex in the church...since it is NEVER talked about! check it out: www.moralrevolution.com.

one of my pastors: Kris Vallotton wrote a book called Moral Revolution......it has a BEAUTIFUL illustration of waiting as a story. it truly is a battlefield to the bedroom. 

anyways....i know that was ALOT..but i hope that you can be encouraged. just remember that it is not a RELIGION...it truly is a RELATIONSHIP with a Man who loves you beyond belief. and it doesnt matter what you did 15 years ago..or 15 minutes ago..He forgives and He loves. (:  

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

[QUOTE]<strong>just remember that it is not a RELIGION...it truly is a RELATIONSHIP with a Man who loves you beyond belief.</strong> and it doesnt matter what you did 15 years ago..or 15 minutes ago..He forgives and He loves. (:  
Posted by amongthelilies25[/QUOTE]

That's exactly why I put religion in quotes - because that's how my dad acts but it's not accurate. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving me the site link!!  FI and I have committed to waiting until the wedding day, and I'm so glad!!  He agreed because I didn't want to get pregnant and I was so freaked out ALL THE TIME - he just wanted me at peace.  My intent was to start over - and I'm so glad you chose that wording!!  That whole reply truly touched me and made me feel so much better.  From all of you ladies - it really made me stop feeling "dirty" because of my past, and made me accept myself.  If I was more emotional I'm sure I'd be crying right now - as I'm on the verge of tears now from being so happy.  Thank you ladies so much!!!  You are all such a blessing!!

amongthelilies25

Bridetobe- i am glad that it could encourage you! you are wonderful, beautiful, young lady with a BRIGHT future ahead of you. 

if more ppl havnt said that enough..then i will say it to you! You have a calling on your life (and so does your FI) that is BEYOND your thinking at the moment. trust me..... if ppl would say what my FI is like now...3 years ago..people wouldn't have believed it! But God touched him and transformed him. it is AMAZING! the past is gone..and that is not who he is...and not who i am either. 

i encourage you to continue to learn and grow in the things of Christ. KEEP PRAYING FOR YOUR FI. never stop! even when it feels like its hard or hopeless...you are planting seeds. (:

i prayed and prayed and would violently weep for my FI (then my bf) that God would transform him...and God is faithful. goodness..i wish i could accurately express the change that happened in my FI in 9 short months. its amazing! (: let my testimony be the spirit of prophesy in your life, Bridetobe.

also..i am delighted to hear that you and FI decided to wait (no matter the reasoning) it is a great thing! (: continue to keep it up...cuz it is hard...it is a battle...but the harder the fight..the larger the trophy. (: