the first night..

rm1259

Hey ladies! Hoping I can get some good insight about this..soo my fiance and I are getting married next Saturday! I'm super excited and cannot wait to marry my best friend! We were talking the night, and he was talking about how he's nervous for our first night together. (We wanted to wait til marriage since our faith is very important to both of us). I know within the Christian circle it tends to be an awkard subject, but I wanted to know if any of you did anything to "prepare" if that makes any sense? A friend of mine read a Christian book that describes sex in detail, but I honestly have no time at all to read an entire book! I know it's probably going to be super awkward..so idk maybe there's no avoiding it. Lol, can anyone else relate? 

DramaGeek

We've had a lot of discussions about this, so if you look around I know you'll find several helpful posts.

My most helpful suggestions are to take it slow, don't feel like you have to do anything or finish anything, communicate, be prepared to laugh at yourselves, and use lube.  Lots and lots of lube.

rm1259

Haha thanks DramaGeek! I figured there were probably other threads about this, but wasn't sure where to find them. i'll have to check it out.

DramaGeek

Here's one of many

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_anyone-else-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:709ecb3f-76da-419f-8580-667b39d2cc9aPost:5e548a33-5572-4154-b516-5c8b039805eb

rm1259

Thanks again!:)

mrandmrsbrist

H and I just went through this as we got married on Saturday

My advice is to take things slow and only do what you feel you are ready for. It's okay to not be completely ready for sex. It's also okay to not completely finish anything that night.

fpaemp2011

We both read the first 4 chapters of Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman before the wedding.  I know you probably won't be able to read it before next Saturday, but I do recommend picking it up anyways.  We're still learning for each other and from the book.

We did end up having sex on our wedding night, but we had a discussion beforehand and both of us knew that it wouldn't be the end of the world if we didn't. 

Take it slow.  There may be some discomfort, but let him know if it hurts.  Similarly, let him know that you're not acutally hurting...DH was so nervous about hurting me that I had to continually let him know that I was ok.

I will say, though, that we're both glad we did.  We stayed in town that night, and then flew out for our honeymoon the next morning. 

I was anxious enough on the plane as is (part nerves, part of me just wanted to get to the hotel ), but I can't imagine how anxious both of us would have been if we were still anticipating our first time.

And I agree with Drama about the lube.  It's our BFF. 

iamjoesgurl

My advice is (if it's not too late) get a hotel room with a jacuzzi.  We got a room with a jacuzzi and when we got to our room, we started up the jacuzzi and I went in the bathroom to get changed into my sexy lingerie.  When I came out of the bathroom, DH was not wearing anything and he pretty quickly stripped off my lingerie.  We got into the jacuzzi and just relaxed together.  We explored each others' bodies and really got in the mood  After relaxing for a while, we got out and (well, you can imagine the rest).

It is important like Drama said to use lots of lube and just take it really slow.  A lot of kissing, touching and enjoying the intimacy.  If you stop there, it's okay.  If you go further, also okay.  Just don't rush anything and stay really relaxed.  It will help you to enjoy it more.  Also, don't go into it having any expectations.  Real life is not like the movies.  It can be uncomfortable and not very glamourous at first.  But just having that intimacy between the two of you will be amazing.

oliviap716

Everyone has given great advice! The first night will be akward and painful. Honestly, I cried because I thought we were never going to be able to enjoy it. Over that now Like PP use lots and lots and lots of lube. If you have time, go on a "special date night" before the wedding and pick out things that you want to use (obviously do not use until Saturday!). We did this and it really got us excited and calmed our nerves the days leading up to the wedding. Also, we bought Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat. We both highly reccommend it. We began reading it the week before the wedding and then took it on the honeymoon too. My H is not much of a reader and I am a huge reader so I am glad he took it so he had something to do on the beach. Most of all remember why sex was created. Saturday night you will seal your marriage and began your life as one flesh. It really is an amazing thing and beautiful. Take it slow Saturday night and spend someitme exploring each other's body first. Good luck!!!

oliviap716

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_first-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f76391a5-7bb0-411b-8861-0fcf6b0f10cbPost:3dfe06a0-2e26-41ae-aebc-3ea15528a5c6">Re: the first night..</a>:
[QUOTE]We both read the first 4 chapters of Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman before the wedding.  
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I just remembered that we are married now and we can read the rest of it!!! I just got really excited :)</div>

GJones27

My thoughts: you may be too tired after the wedding.  We didn't get to our hotel until 1 AM after the wedding.  You may want to take it one step at a time and see how you guys feel, like others said.  People say that the first time is uncomfortable.  But if you're experiencing really horrible pain where you want to scream, there is something wrong.  You'll then need to see a dctor, as there could be a number of health issues.  

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_first-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f76391a5-7bb0-411b-8861-0fcf6b0f10cbPost:1a4fdee7-4824-42b2-86b4-c9b9477a5286">Re: the first night..</a>:
[QUOTE]People say that the first time is uncomfortable.  But if you're experiencing really horrible pain where you want to scream, there is something wrong.  You'll then need to see a dctor, as there could be a number of health issues.  
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

Mmm, disagree. Just because you want to scream doesn't mean you need see a doctor. It could be a number of different factors causing the severe pain.

But if you do think that if that's bad, OP, you should probably stop and try something different.

Soon2BeMrsTing

Communicate well with FI about whose resposibility it will be to bring everything you'll need (condoms, lube...) It would be awful if you were both naked and ready to go and you didn't have those things because you each thought the other was responsible for it.

I agree with others: take it slow!  It took us about four attempts to really complete the act, and because we were told that might happen we weren't shocked.  It was our second morning together (and, I think , the fourth attempt) before we were able to really get it done with from beginning to end.  And after that, it wasn't painful or uncomfortable for me.  Just really enjoyable and fun.

Also, spread a towel underneath you!

Finally, a glass of wine doesn't hurt.

musicalsunlight

I didn't wait until marriage but I just want to ditto PPs that knowing the fact that it is NOT like the movies will help you. It can be awkward, a bit painful and strange the first time. There are moments with limbs tangling, etc, that are better if you are able to laugh it off together rather than feel embarassed. As with anything, practice makes perfect,

DramaGeek

Oh yes, forgot to mention the towel!  Definitely have a towel handy - it's rather messy sometimes!

GJones27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_first-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f76391a5-7bb0-411b-8861-0fcf6b0f10cbPost:167b37d5-48aa-48da-ac83-a43cf5fa6edc">Re: the first night..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: the first night.. : Mmm, disagree. Just because you want to scream doesn't mean you need see a doctor. It could be a number of different factors causing the severe pain. But if you do think that if that's bad, OP, you should probably stop and try something different.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmm, well, I guess I meant something more painful than is the typical experience.  If the pain continues or completely prevents you from completing the act ever, you could have a medical condition that needs addressing.</div>

lulubella2011

Sheet Music is great!
Also, check out the marriage bed for some useful info

Alcyone1

I know it's a late post, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!  I'm so excited for you and your soon-to-be husband!  My husband and I waited until marriage, too (through seven years of dating!), and it was so worth it!
I'd often heard about it hurting the first time, so I was prepared for that.  It didn't hurt much, actually, though I know a LOT of that was a LOT of communication and taking it slow.  It did start getting more uncomfortable around day 3, at which point it was a little painful for about 24 hours.  All in all, as other posters have said, communication is key, talk to your fiance about your concerns about the first time so that he knows (men don't always understand that the first couple times can hurt for women), use lube, and relax!  Also, don't feel like you have to do it X number of times a day for it to be good!

azdancer8

CN version: Communication, lube, towel, take it slow, relax!

But in all seriousness, it is a beautiful thing that you are sharing with your husband. Don't stress yourself out about it, tension will only make things harder. Also, if you're having a hard time, try putting a pillow under your hips. That gives easier "access" during sex, especially the first few times when you're both kind of fumbling around. And if you don't complete the act the first time, it's really ok - just get some sleep and try again later.