Premarital Reading Suggestions

kitkat610

My FI and I are not in the same state, and haven't been since about a week after he proposed,  so premarital counseling isnt really an option. Does anyone have suggestions of books that you have read that maybe we could read together?

PS Its not that I think we are in trouble, I was just looking forward to the counseling at our church here, and feel like we are missing out.

amongthelilies25

ya! i think premarital counseling is AMAZING!!! i think it will strengthen your marriage and you both will benefit from it. here are some books that our pre-marital mentors have suggested us to read:

War of Words: Getting to the Heart of our Communication Struggles by Paul David Tripp.

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts. by. Leslie Parrott (this is also has a workbook for both man and woman.)

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman. 

fpaemp2011

Lilie's suggestions are great.  Here are a few more:

Men are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill & Pam Ferrel

Love & Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs (also has a workbook available separately)

Cracking the Communication Code by Emmerson Eggerichs

Every Woman's Marriage and Every Man's Marriage by Shannon & Greg Ethridge

kellya01

We are a reading bunch!  Wow.  I also would add: 

-The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman)

-God on Sex (Daniel Akin)

-Sheet Music (I would wait to read this during the last month before marriage, however, because the temptation can be hard to overcome if you read it too soon, and only read the chapters meant for pre-marital - it's in the introduction of the book)

And I like the books the other ladies have suggested.  My pastor hasn't told us all of the books we are going to go through, but we are starting with "God on Sex" (which takes a look at Song of Solomon in depth and how we can apply that to our relationship, how we care about each other, etc).   We're ending with "Sheet Music" during the last 2 weeks. 

AshNoel8

I'm not sure if you would want to do a devotional, but Devotions for Dating Couples by Ben Young and Samuel Adams is great! FI and I read it. It is meant for couples who are engaged or strongly considering engagement. You read each day by yourself and answer the questions on paper then get together and talk about the week's devotions on Saturday (since you are in a LDR, I am thinking Saturday skype or phone dates!)

Alcyone1

My FH and I are in the same boat, and we're really enjoying Sacred Marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy by Gary Thomas.  We were frustrated with a couple of the other books that had been suggested to us because we've been dating for 6.5 years and have known each other for 14, so we've talked in detail about some of the really common things in marriage prep books.  This book is really interesting; Thomas often brings in church history (and even Jewish history) to talk about different aspects of marriage, and the book isn't making us feel like we're just getting more questions instead of any answers.  We've had some really great phone conversations about the topics we've been reading about in the book.
Good luck with your book search!

kalizoomba

I bought Sheet Music, but on the first page, it warned me that I should only read a certian chapters (I think it was 1, 2, and 3) before getting married and noething else should be read until after we're married.  

I don't know of any others though. 

Beazilla

Our counselor is having us read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus together (literally, like we take turns reading aloud) to help us with our communication and understanding how we interpret things. The 10 Conversations You Must Have Before You Get Married (And How To Have Them) is also really good about giving you things to discuss, as well as how to discuss them and to fight better (Grenier's 15 Rules of Good Communication can be found here: http://www.drguy.ca/15rules/)

sheve1422

The one I would really recommend is, What did you expect? By: Paul Tripp.

Our Pastor is having us read it and it is AMAZING!

I'm in a similar situation only I get to come home every few weeks and do premarital. I don't know if this is an option for you, but could you maybe do a skype/phone conference with your fiance and your pastor? I've had a friend do that and it worked pretty well for them. 

Good Luck! 

rachelea

Ok, I LOVE "Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti". I bought it over a year ago and said FI has to read it. I think he's read some of it, but not the whole thing. My good friend recommended it to us and she also recommended it to her dad who is our pastor who is doing our premarital counseling and I know that he has been known to use it in the past. So we may end up using that.

May I also recommend "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating"? When I read "Captivating" I swore that the man I married had to wear it (I read it years ago) so FI has to read that one. We read "Wild at Heart" together (with the intention of following it up with Captivating but didn't get around to it) early in our relationship and it was really good to do together. Both have journals that the specified gender can do, so FH did the journal while I just wrote down things that were meaningful to me in the book and we talked about them together.

kitkat610

Thank you all for all of the great suggestions! I am going to spend sometime on Amazon today :)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_premarital-reading-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f7665b23-7443-4c34-b6ea-cccb72e77529Post:6644a3c2-fa83-400b-8753-4468e4e4cf9d">Re: Premarital Reading Suggestions</a>:
[QUOTE]My FH and I are in the same boat, and we're really enjoying Sacred Marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy by Gary Thomas.  We were frustrated with a couple of the other books that had been suggested to us .
Posted by Alcyone1[/QUOTE]

and especially for this one. FI and I have only known each other a year, but we have had a lot of very serious conversations because with we have to in our situation and some others that have naturally come up.

<span style="font-style:italic;">We  </span>don't really have a pastor because we only lived in the same city(DFW)for about 9 months when he moved to AZ. The pastor who is marrying us (in Houston) orignally wanted to at least do a few sessions, but when we met with him to talk about the wedding logistics, he didn't really push it. Then, my FI told his story and the pastor seriously had nothing to say. Its not the first time that has happened, but it just feels frusterating.   <span style="font-weight:bold;">- Sorry! Small Vent</span>

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

Thanks for all the books ladies!!  I officially have a list. 

amongthelilies25

ya! i went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to just look around..and i went to the Chrisitan Inspiration section and there were SOOO many books that sound amazing!!! here are some more i thought about:

Love & Respect: The Love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. by, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (i am pretty sure it comes with a workbook too)

Love Dare- Day by Day Wedding Edition by Kendrick (the original love dare was featured in the movie 'Fire Proof'. Its a one year devotional)

Created to be his help mate: Discover how God can make your marriage glorious. by Debi Pearl

ANYWAYS....thats probably book overload....but its what i found at Barnes and Noble yesterday. hehe. (: 

  

MelissaAnne88

Sheet Music is amazing! I had to read it for my Human Sexuality class in college, so I've already read the whole thing (I felt like such a rebel...but the teacher required it!). It really is an amazing book.

amongthelilies25

i am very very excited to read that book. 

At my purity group...they first told us about that book..and i think we are going to enjoy reading it. 

iamjoesgurl

DH and I were in a similar situation - wanting to do something but we were living in different states from the time we started dating until the wedding day.  The pastor who was marrying us lived pretty far away from each of us so that was not really going to work either.  I went online to find someone in my area who was certified to do Prepare/Enrich and found a couple where I lived who was willing to meet with us 3 times for longer sessions when DH was down visiting.  It was really helpful to talk through everything with a couple who was trained.  Do you see your FI?  Might something like this be a possibility.

kitkat610

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_premarital-reading-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f7665b23-7443-4c34-b6ea-cccb72e77529Post:1550858a-ece5-4202-9190-b018edaca620">Re: Premarital Reading Suggestions</a>:
[QUOTE]DH and I were in a similar situation - wanting to do something but we were living in different states from the time we started dating until the wedding day.  The pastor who was marrying us lived pretty far away from each of us so that was not really going to work either.  I went online to find someone in my area who was certified to do Prepare/Enrich and found a couple where I lived who was willing to meet with us 3 times for longer sessions when DH was down visiting.  It was really helpful to talk through everything with a couple who was trained.  Do you see your FI?  Might something like this be a possibility.
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]
We do see each other every other weekend but its rather complicated. We end up meeting in different cities each time. We have an online calendar and everything lol. I am hoping that we can find someone in Tucson, where he lives and we will live after we are married and do something in May (wedding in June). It feels like that is cutting it close, but it might work.

amongthelilies25

also you can always continue doing the mentoring after the wedding. you know?

get those tools wherever you can. (:

sarah42nd

 I would also suggest reading books about your parent/ In law relationships. There's a great book called " Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for protecting you Marriage by Susan Forward " I don't know if your parents/ILs are toxic or not but its still a great book . It give examples on common problems between New couples and their parents . Its a great read and can help you stop future problems and help deal with the adjustments .

Susan Forward's practical and powerful book will help couples cope with terrible and toxic in–laws.

Toxic in–laws are in–laws who create genuine chaos through various assaults––aggressive or subtle––on you and your marriage. Toxic–in laws come in a wide variety of guises, " The Critics.; ", who tell you what you're doing wrong, "The Controllers.;", who try to run you and your partner's life, " The Engulfers.;", who make incessant demands on your time, " The Masters of Chaos.;", who drain you and your partner with their problems, and, " The Rejecters.;", who let you know they don't want you as part of their family.

Susan Forward draws on real–life voices and stories of both women and men struggling to free themselves from the frustrating, hurtful and infuriating relationships with their toxic in–laws. Dr. Forward offers you highly effective communication and behavioral techniques for getting through to partners who won't or can't stand up to their parents. Next, she lays out accessible and practical ways to reclaim you marriage from your in–laws. She shows you what to say, what to do and what limits to set. If you follow these strategies, you may not turn toxic in–laws into the in–laws of your dreams, but you will find some peace in your relationship with them.