Adjusting to living together

GJones27

My FI and I have never lived together, and we'll only be going that after we get married in 3.5 months.  I know studies have said that couples are less likely to get divorced if they DON'T live together before marriage, but I'm wondering how difficult it is to adjust.  So for those of you married ladies, how was it adjusting?  What type of things did you fight about?  How did you get past them?  I know the first year will be a bit stressful, and I'll be going through my first year of law school on top of it so I'm curious to know what it will be like.  Thanks!

loves2shop4shoes

I think a lot of the reason that people are statistically less likely to get divorced if they haven't lived together before marriage is because 1) People who live together prior to marriage tend to be less religious and less religious people tend to be more accepting of divorce than non-religious people and 2) Once you are physically living with someone, it's a lot more difficult to end the relationship (even if there are SERIOUS problems with it) because you are in some way legally and financially bound to that person (by a lease, deed, etc.), so people stay in bad relationships that normally they may not have stayed in because they feel "trapped".

All of that aside, I live with FI and living with a boy is a bit of an adjustment.  You learn a lot about someone that you didn't learn previously (even if you were with that person ALL THE TIME before you lived together.)  

For example, FI always leaves the toilet seat up and tends to adopt a "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" policy, which I think is gross...you should ALWAYS flush.  When FI shaves in the bathroom, he leaves his beard hair everywhere and it's gross.  We had to agree on a system to who was doing which house chore and how often.  FI doesn't like how much hair I shed in the shower.  I also HATE the way FI can never close a cabinet or drawer behind himself.  I can't TELL you how many times a week I stub my toe!

You have a much more accurate understanding of how financially responsible your SO is.  When you fight, you have to live under the same roof, so you learn a lot about how the other person fights.  In my case, I discovered that FI watches pornography (which caused several HUGE fights)...believe me when I tell you, MOST men do, they just don't talk about it.  You'd do well to have the porn conversation before you learn about it accidentally.

FI and I also have the added bonus of enduring my being in law school together.  So, sometimes I'll just be cranky and snap at him for no reason.  When you LIVE with someone, sometimes they are the only person that you CAN take out your emotions on, so there will be days when you snap at him/he snaps at you for no reason and it causes an argument.

Whew, and now that I bet you're all terrified to live with your SOs, I will say that overall, it's a wonderful thing and I do not regret it.  I go to sleep every night with my best friend and we wake up together every morning.  When I'm sick/exhausted/have had a bad day and need to cry, I come home to FI and he holds me, kisses me, tells me he loves me, listens to me, strokes my hair, and tells me everything's going to be ok.  

The bad days happen, but as long as you learn to laugh at the silly, talk about the serious (and really LISTEN to the other party when you do talk), stay honest with each other, and respect what differences you DO have, you will be fine.  The most difficult of these things for some people is staying honest because sometimes, you just don't want to create a fight, so instead you create a white lie (like with the aforementioned porn situation, in my case).  Lay down the law with your FI that no matter WHAT may result from it, HONESTY is ALWAYS the best policy and NOTHING else with be tolerated.  If you have love, trust, and respect, living together will be wonderful!

GJones27

Thanks for your thoughts!  I always hear it's difficult, but no one has ever given details.  So your specific examples and advice help.  Btw, I didn't know you went to law school, and in Boston?  I'm actually planning on going to law school this fall in Boston (thinking about Boston College).

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:c15ebda7-4563-4f78-8c94-d1356363eaa4">Re: Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for your thoughts!  I always hear it's difficult, but no one has ever given details.  So your specific examples and advice help.  Btw, I didn't know you went to law school, and in Boston?  I'm actually planning on going to law school this fall in Boston (thinking about Boston College).
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, I'm a 1L at Suffolk Law.  I went to BU for undergrad.  When I applied to law school, I applied to 18 schools.  I got into 16 of them.</div><div>
</div><div>My advice?  Unless you want to practice corporate law or some form of law that nearly guarantees you'll be making six figures when you graduate, go wherever you can get the most money.  In this economy, law jobs are REALLY hard to find and the last thing you want to do is take out $200,000 in debt, only to then not find a job (and then when you do find a job, you're only making $60,000 or less anyway.)  I got into BC law, Vanderbilt law, and some other well ranked schools, but I went to Suffolk because I got a full-tuition merit scholarship.  Suffolk is well respected in New England and has an amazing Public Interest program.  If you're interested in public interest law, I strongly suggest you look into it.  </div>

Calypso1977

actually, statistics for divorce are higher if you DO live togehter first.

it was a HUGE adjustment for me.  but we were also older (32 and 34).  we'd each had 10 years+ of livng on our own (withouth even roommates).

ill be honest.  i cried nearly every night for a month.  it was HARD!  i think what compounded things is that i moved o H's hometown.  things were all familiar to him, everything was foreign to me.  its also a very small town.  while i grew up in a small town, i left for city life and i loved city living.  to "regress" back to small town living was very hard for me.

things are fine now, but little things bother me.  i think that's normal though.

iamjoesgurl

We were 38 and 34 when we got married (first marriage for both - neither of us had ever lived with someone of the opposite sex besides our parents).  I had lived by myself for 14 years.  DH had lived with his parents until we got married.  We had the benefit of a LDR so I stayed with his parents (sharing a bathroom with him) and he had stayed in my house.  Maybe that helped us adjust??  I have to say that I have been so surprised about how well we adjusted living together.  I think I've learned a few things about why.

I always tell people that the key to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms!  It is kind of a joke but kind of serious.  Staying in my house, he had always stayed in the guest room and used the hall bath.  So when he moved in, he continued to use that bathroom.  I use the bathroom that is attached to the bedroom.  He can keep his bathroom as messy as he wants (within reason) and I can do the same.  I think that has saved us a lot of arguments.

Another thing is that we both agreed to put both seats down on the toilet when we flush so I never have to worry about whether the seat is down.  We both have to remember this so it works.

I have also learned that it is good to have a conversation about who is going to do what and then keep that line of communication open.  I thank DH when he does things around the house - he knows it is his responsibility, but the praise is always nice to hear anyway.  At the same time, I always let him know when I'm a little frustrated with something. (I am careful to rehearse what I'm about to say before saying it so that I don't hurt his feelings.)  For example, he used to leave towels in a heap on the bathroom floor.  It makes them smell so I told him very early on that I would appreciate if he hung the towels over the shower rod after showering and I explained why.  He has never left them on the floor again.

I also pick my battles.  He is naturally a little on the messy side.  He has a "man cave" where he spends a lot of time and I don't ever get after him about his messes down there.  But if I am having to always do the laundry, I say something about asking for his help and that it should be a team effort.  He hates doing dishes so I always do them.  I hate mowing the lawn so he always does that.  You just have to find compromises and then keep an open line of communication about them.

I have to say that my DH is a very considerate person so even if there are things he would prefer not to do, he'll do them because he realizes they are important to me.  I realize that not all men are like this and I'm thankful.

If there are things that you are concerned about, have conversations before moving in together and talk about how you are going to keep that line of communication open to let each other know how you are feeling.

iamjoesgurl

Wow - sorry for the book but one more thing.  Living with your husband will be like a lot of other roommate type relationships.  If you remember how you made those living together situations work, do that with your DH.

GJones27

Wow, I can't believe everyone keeps mentioning the bathroom aspect!  Actually, that kind of makes sense.  My mom, my sister, and I all use the same bathroom, but my dad runs to a small tiny bathroom that is not that great just so he can have his own space.

Calypso, I agree.  If you reread my post, I said that living together before marriage makes it more likely to get divorced.  I just rephrased it saying, not living together before marriage makes it less likely to get divorced.  But I'm sorry to hear it was so hard at first.

I don't know what it will be like living with my future hubby, as I have lived by myself for seven years, even thoughout college.  It will be a big learning experience!

Loves2shop4shoes, I didn't realize you went to Suffolk.  I actually got in there, but I got no scholly.  In fact, I've been getting very little scholarship money from anyone, so I don't have much of a choice.  But BC has a nice public interest scholarship, and I'm hoping I'll get that.

DramaGeek

Everyone said the first year would be the hardest, but for us I'm not so sure that it was.  Year two was harder because I was in grad school, and year 6 was definitely our most difficult year to date.

For us, the most difficult part of learning to live together was overcoming our upbringings.  I came from a very non-traditional family.  Mom was the bread winner, dad alternated between staying home and working, and he did a lot of the housework.  Both did dishes, both cooked, both did outside chores, etc. My dad did all the vacuuming.  So I learned from a young age that both spouses are equal.

H came from a very traditional family.  Dad worked, mom took care of the kids and did all the housework - cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.  To my knowledge his dad has never cooked a meal, done dishes or folded a load of laundry.  As I've heard him say many times, "that's what kids are for."

So you can imagine that we had our fair share of battles going into it.  In theory, H was on board with sharing all the duties of the house, but in practice it didn't happen.  I remember 6 months after we were married.  I was getting ready for school (I was in grad school full time) and he woke up and said, "I don't have any clean underwear."  I was under the impression that he had done his own laundry when he lived with his parents, and that he'd do it in our house when needed, so I just said, "ok."  He asked if I was going to do it for him and I said, "I have to go to school.  You know where the laundry room is."

Oh yes, it's been a battle.  It finally came to a head in year 6.  I was working full time, a first in our marriage, and working two jobs.  He found me bawling on the bed folding socks.  I just wasn't getting the support and help that i needed from him.  I told him he had two options - I could quit my job, we could sell our house and move into something cheaper, and i could just be a stay at home wife (which he knew would not fulfill me), or he could man up and help me out because I just couldn't do it anymore.  He's been so much  better since then of doing his share around the house, but it took a long time for us to get to that point.

The other, sillier, part of learning to live together was getting used to each other's odd quirks.  I leave my clothes on the floor when I get in the shower and forget to pick them up, he leaves cupboard doors open, things like that.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:fbe68112-1834-4df1-b4d3-c1d516a9add8">Re: Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE] Loves2shop4shoes, I didn't realize you went to Suffolk.  I actually got in there, but I got no scholly.  In fact, I've been getting very little scholarship money from anyone, so I don't have much of a choice.  But BC has a nice public interest scholarship, and I'm hoping I'll get that.
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

That's bizarre that you got into BC but got no scholly from Suffolk.  Generally, if you have the credentials to get into BC, you should get some form of scholly from Suffolk.  I would call and ask financial aid if you have any chance of getting a scholly.  I didn't hear about my scholly from Suffolk until March, when I was 95% sure I was going elsewhere.  The scholly information didn't come in my acceptance packet, so I was like "Suffolk admitted me with no money, that's funny."  It was only when I got the email from the dean saying "Congratulations!  You received a full tuition merit scholarship" that I was like...ok, looks like I'm going to Suffolk.

But before you definitively decide to go elsewhere and take on that debt, call Suffolk Financial Aid and ask as tactfully as possible if you're being considered for a scholly.

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:beaa3aca-7780-4c20-bd03-39119fbbf41b">Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I have never lived together, and we'll only be going that after we get married in 3.5 months.  I know studies have said that couples are less likely to get divorced if they DON'T live together before marriage, but I'm wondering how difficult it is to adjust.  So for those of you married ladies, how was it adjusting?  What type of things did you fight about?  How did you get past them?  I know the first year will be a bit stressful, and I'll be going through my first year of law school on top of it so I'm curious to know what it will be like.  Thanks!
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

Open communication is the key to everything. We did not live together prior to marriage, but had a pretty smooth transition to living together.

It will be different and you'll have to adjust. But just talk about how you're feeling and how it's going. As long as you're discussing things (who's going to do the laundry, cook, dishes, cleaning, etc.) it will make everything easier.

MissyCee

I lived with my now husband before we got married. I think my situation was made a little more difficult by the fact that I moved in to his apartment, which was 6 hours away from where I was living, and I left all my friends and family. But other than that part of it, it's always difficult living with anyone, especially at first.

You have to get used to their habits and quirks. Like DH leaves his dirty socks on the floor by the bed, forgets to turn the heat down and lock the door at night, and hates throwing away old leftovers...all of these things have made me frustrated in the past. But along with those things, he also cooks dinner for us often, buys groceries, and does dishes. Sometimes, sharing space with someone else constantly can get frustrating also (especially if like me you value quiet alone time on occasion), but learn ways to give each other space when it's needed and you won't get sick of each other's company.

There will be times when you are annoyed at something stupid he does or he gets unreasonably mad for something you did (at least to you it will seem unreasonable) but once you get adjusted a lot of little things will just fall into place and won't seem so foreign anymore. There are so many great things about living with your SO too, so don't let yourself get too scared, just be prepared for a slightly rocky road for a bit until things settle down. It's a big learning experience and will make you even closer to him than ever before! Good luck!

Calypso1977

For us, the most difficult part of learning to live together was overcoming our upbringings.  I came from a very non-traditional family.  Mom was the bread winner, dad alternated between staying home and working, and he did a lot of the housework.  Both did dishes, both cooked, both did outside chores, etc. My dad did all the vacuuming.  So I learned from a young age that both spouses are equal.

H came from a very traditional family.  Dad worked, mom took care of the kids and did all the housework - cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.  To my knowledge his dad has never cooked a meal, done dishes or folded a load of laundry.  As I've heard him say many times, "that's what kids are for."

oh, yes!  this was us too, but my H is somewhat more evolved than his dad.  we share all chores.

kellya01

Wow, I just stopped in to say thanks for this thread!  I post a lot on here but not about this particular topic.  In fact, we start our pre-marital counseling on March 6th so we are still a ways off from talking about this stuff with the pastor, but we'll get there!  

Anyway... I'd love to read more responses from any of you lurkers with insight to share about living together the first time and being newlyweds!  :-) 

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:a764b6bc-d203-4f24-9932-c2075603cb83">Re: Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE]oh, yes!  this was us too, but my H is somewhat more evolved than his dad.  we share all chores.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

We do too, now ;-)  It took a while for us to hit that groove though.

I cook, H scrapes/rinses dinner dishes and puts them in the dishwasher.  I load everything else into the dishwasher.  H unloads it.  He cleans the bathrooms and sweeps the floors, I do the showers.  I do the laundry, but he puts away his own.  I know other couples have found it easier just to share everything, but for us having things we're each responsible for works best.

kalizoomba

thats funny people keep mentioning bathrooms. That's one thing I was worried about. I've never in my life shared a bathroom with anyone. We had 2 bathrooms growing up, but my parents and little brother used the "master" bath and I used the other.  When I went to college, I had a roomate for about 2 months, but she couldn't handle college and left. (so I guess I shared the bathroom for 2 months) after she left, I looked for another roommate, but never found one and ended up moving back in with my parents - and have my own bathroom again.  I never use public restrooms (unless it's an emergency!) and I just get a little freaked out by the idea of not having my own bathroom.

FMIL bought us this book for Christmas. I forget what it's called, but it's helped a bit. It has tons of questions like "When you get out of the shower, where should the towel go?" I put that it should go hanging nicely on the towel rack - FI thinks it needs to be put in the washer to wash right away. So we already know we'll have some disagreements about that. We've talked about it and he's decided to try to hang them on the towel rack, but he might forget.

I'll try to get the title for you.

mattycam

My FI and I will not be living together until after we are married but we made sure that the place the we got had two bathrooms. I have a weak bladder so when I have to go I have to go and when he shaves he doesn't want to have to come out all the time because someone needs the bathroom.

Our living situation will be a big adjustment because we have an 8 year old and my mom will be living with us. We are getting a townhouse for space purposes so if we need space, we have the basement, our rooms or even the backyard!

I am excited to live with my FI but I know it will be a BIG adjustment but with God's help we will be okay.

musicalsunlight

I live with my FI and moved in this last summer just before I started my 1L year. It was a huge adjustment, but with patience, there is nothing that can't be figured out. The first semester was very trying on our relationship but we came out of it stronger than ever. Patience on both your and your future H is key when times get stressful during your law school experience. I agree with pps about communication being important, and if FI and I ever get into a disagreement, I make sure that we figure it out before we fall asleep. The feeling of going to bed mad or upset is the worst, so we work to avoid that. It will be different and a challenge but it is also the best to be with that person when you fall asleep and when you need that support when school is getting to be too much.

jenn.daniel

I agree with everyone about the bathroom!  FI and I live together already, and we have our own bathrooms.

Also, realize that sometimes you'll need time alone.  It's important for the other person to know that it's not them - sometimes you just need some space for yourself.

Don't eat the last of anything without letting the other person know!  If you take the next to last roll of toilet paper, but it on the shopping list. 

We haven't figured this out yet because we're both horrible at it, but decide what you're going to do with your shoes when you get inside.  We both leave them near the door, and they accumulate behind the loveseat.   There are a lot of neatness things you'll probably have to work out, like sort clothes when you get undressed or they're sorted when they're about to be washed.  Or in my FI's case, I'm still working on getting him to put his clothes somewhere other than the floor....

Ccsvball05

I appreciate this post also. My FI and I do not live together yet but I do go over and clean up for him often. I do see the bathroom thing as something we will have to work through. We will make it though!

joyfulbride424

I definitely appreciate this post! I love reading everyone's opinions and words of wisdom. Bathroom is something I assumed would be a major "issue" and we would need space to get ready - I think for me too I've slept in my own bed my whole life I'm concerned I won't sleep as soundly or as comfortably.

Calypso1977

I think for me too I've slept in my own bed my whole life I'm concerned I won't sleep as soundly or as comfortably.

i definitely dont sleep as well.  i will admit, on nights that one of us is sick or if we just really  need a good night's sleep, one of us will sleep in another room.  we dont look at this as a bad thing or that we dont love each other or that our marriage is doomed.  its for pure health reasons.

iamjoesgurl

Regarding sleeping together, if you can, try to get at least a queen size bed and get a really good mattress.  It is one of the best investments you can make.  Our mattress is one of those that has independent springs so when one of us moves, the other one doesn't feel it much.  Of course I love to snuggle up to DH when we are sleeping so the independent springs thing may not work as well as it's supposed to!

DramaGeek

We have a queen bed but always joke that we might as well have a twin because I insist in sleeping >rightnext< to H.  You may not sleep as well at first, but you'll adjust, I think.  Now I don't sleep as well when he's not in the bed.

joyfulbride424

Thanks! That makes sense. I'm a REALLY heavy sleeper, so I know I'll go back to normal eventually.

danielle0704

this has been an interesting post to read!
just last night my FI & i were talking about household chores - i suggested that we write a list of chores & who we would "assign" those to & discuss any differences on our list.
that's only one aspect of living together (we're not living together until after the wedding) that we can prepare for. i know there will be so much more...like the fact he's a cuddler & i'm not! wow wee. hahaha.

FutureJilliannD

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:48691e5e-7796-432f-bf9e-06fd3e39c8af">Re: Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE] We haven't figured this out yet because we're both horrible at it, but decide what you're going to do with your shoes when you get inside.  <strong>We both leave them near the door, and they accumulate behind the loveseat</strong>. :/  There are a lot of neatness things you'll probably have to work out, like sort clothes when you get undressed or they're sorted when they're about to be washed.  Or in my FI's case, I'm still working on getting him to put his clothes somewhere other than the floor....
Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]

Us too! It gets so there is like a line of shoes next to the door!

I think the key is to talk about things calmly if something is bothering you. When we first moved in together, I wouldn't say anything if one of his habits bugged me because I didn't want to seem nit-picky. But then things would just accumulate. So now, I will just say "Honey, could you please take your wet towel and hang it in the bathroom instead of leaving it on the bed?"

The sleeping thing-I didn't sleep well at first either. But now it is weird to sleep alone. You get used to it.

msteph82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_adjusting-living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:fcf21b5b-2971-4add-bb7f-053f4d267bb8Post:ac1541df-0440-4e7d-a47f-a829c5313c3a">Re: Adjusting to living together</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a lot of the reason that people are statistically less likely to get divorced if they haven't lived together before marriage is because 1) People who live together prior to marriage tend to be less religious and less religious people tend to be more accepting of divorce than non-religious people and 2) Once you are physically living with someone, it's a lot more difficult to end the relationship (even if there are SERIOUS problems with it) because you are in some way legally and financially bound to that person (by a lease, deed, etc.), so people stay in bad relationships that normally they may not have stayed in because they feel "trapped". All of that aside, I live with FI and living with a boy is a bit of an adjustment.  You learn a lot about someone that you didn't learn previously (even if you were with that person ALL THE TIME before you lived together.)   For example, FI always leaves the toilet seat up and tends to adopt a "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" policy, which I think is gross...you should ALWAYS flush.  When FI shaves in the bathroom, he leaves his beard hair everywhere and it's gross.  We had to agree on a system to who was doing which house chore and how often.  FI doesn't like how much hair I shed in the shower.  I also HATE the way FI can never close a cabinet or drawer behind himself.  I can't TELL you how many times a week I stub my toe! You have a much more accurate understanding of how financially responsible your SO is.  When you fight, you have to live under the same roof, so you learn a lot about how the other person fights.  In my case, I discovered that FI watches pornography (which caused several HUGE fights)...believe me when I tell you, MOST men do, they just don't talk about it.  You'd do well to have the porn conversation before you learn about it accidentally. FI and I also have the added bonus of enduring my being in law school together.  So, sometimes I'll just be cranky and snap at him for no reason.  When you LIVE with someone, sometimes they are the only person that you CAN take out your emotions on, so there will be days when you snap at him/he snaps at you for no reason and it causes an argument. Whew, and now that I bet you're all terrified to live with your SOs, I will say that overall, it's a wonderful thing and I do not regret it.  I go to sleep every night with my best friend and we wake up together every morning.  When I'm sick/exhausted/have had a bad day and need to cry, I come home to FI and he holds me, kisses me, tells me he loves me, listens to me, strokes my hair, and tells me everything's going to be ok.   The bad days happen, but as long as you learn to laugh at the silly, talk about the serious (and really LISTEN to the other party when you do talk), stay honest with each other, and respect what differences you DO have, you will be fine.  The most difficult of these things for some people is staying honest because sometimes, you just don't want to create a fight, so instead you create a white lie (like with the aforementioned porn situation, in my case).  Lay down the law with your FI that no matter WHAT may result from it, HONESTY is ALWAYS the best policy and NOTHING else with be tolerated.  If you have love, trust, and respect, living together will be wonderful!
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]