Save the dates question

christineashley

The other post about the save the dates got me thinking, who gets them? I ordered 100 post cards. My mother and I were talking and she thinks that we should send it to everyone we are inviting, that way some people would tell me ahead of time whether or not they are planning on coming. If they aren't coming, we would have to come up with a group of people to invie (b-list). What do you think?

Jewel224

You mom is correct in saying that STDs should be sent to everyone on your guest list, however, for those who say they can't attend, you should still send an invite to them because their plans may change.  So you might want to be careful about planning a B-list.

sessionswedding

You should ONLY send STDs to people you are CERTAIN will be on your guest list, as everyone who receives an STD MUST receive an invitation.  Also, STDs are not an invitation nor a request for an RSVP, so don't expect anyone to tell you whether or not they plan to come when they receive it.  If that's why you want to send them out, you may be disappointed.

As a matter of fact, I skipped STDs entirely.  Unless you're getting married on Super Bowl Sunday or Memorial Day and you need to warn people in advance that they may need to make alternate plans, they really serve no purpose.  I saw them as a waste of money.

Jewel224

To add to sessionwedding's comment - STDs aren't necessary, but it is a nice thought especially if you're having a lot of out of town guests from out of state or overseas, regardless of whether your wedding's on a holiday or on Super Bowl Sunday. If you choose to forgo them, that's fine too - your invites are suppose to be sent out 6-8 weeks before your date. HTH

amymaysa

B-lists never turn out well...

christineashley

I just wouldn't know what to do if I end up with empty seats though without a b-list. We have to fill 180 seats, if not, we pay for those.

amymaysa

I would talk to your venue and see if anything (food, booze) can be upgraded if you don't fill your minimum. It sucks, but it is what is and most of us will face similar issues if we don't meet it.

B-Lists aren't cool for many reasons.
You would need to send your invites super early to have enough time to get those to the b-listers
Sending invites too early always seems to end in missing RSVPs which someone needs to manage
If someone finds out the didn't make the a-list, they aren't going to be happy (people can find out)

I get where you are coming from, it sucks to have to meet a number (could it possibly be lowered?)  but try to think about how you would feel if you discovered you were on the 'second tier' list, only being invites if someone from the a-list declined.

ElisabethJoanne

I agree with the consensus, except I've been a B-list guest and was happy, not hurt, so I don't get the hurt-feelings part of B-lists, though I do get some of the logistical issues.

We're skipping STDs, too. I sent Facebook messages to less than 10% of the guest list, the very most VIPs, as soon as we booked our venues, but won't be sending paper STDs. E-mail or phone calls would have been better, but Facebook is how I primarily communicate with most of the relevant people.

lls31

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, we are including our STDs with our Christmas cards.  The STDs are going to family only and some of our closest friends.  Anyone that may still be questionable will get their STDs closer to the wedding - once the guest list is 100% finalized.

The only reason we're sending our STDs so early is to prepare everyone since we're doing a Friday wedding, plus we want to give OOT guests plenty of time to make travel arrangements.  We're also saving a little bit of cash by including them with our Christmas cards, which is a nice as well.

sweetcarolanne

lls31, I'm doing the same thing - STDs for those that are 100% A-list (i.e. family & wedding party) are being sent with our Christmas cards.  We'll send the rest after the first of the year to OOT guests that will travel.  Helps with splitting up the postage cost, too. :-)

Jewel224

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2012-weddings_save-dates-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:46c2f53c-680c-4532-aa96-4cca92890b59Discussion:3281d0e0-2da3-461e-908f-3ba7d1880efbPost:6051d61c-0939-4930-96a0-38b3fc7b1938">Re: Save the dates question</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wouldn't know what to do if I end up with empty seats though without a b-list. We have to fill 180 seats, if not, we pay for those.
Posted by christineashley[/QUOTE]

I hear you - as another PP stated, if you don't meet the minimum, see if food or alcohol can get upgraded or maybe there was another feature you'd like to have, better decor (if your venue does the decor as well), a chocolate fountain, etc.

Keep in mind as well, on the day of your wedding even if everyone RSVP's "Yes" to attend, there's a likelihood that some may not be able to attend last minute, so you could still end up paying regardless.

I also agree w/ the PP that even as a B-lister, I'd be happy to go.  Especially with budget issues and having to invite ALL family members from both sides, I'd understand.  But that being said, being a B-lister in the US seems to carry a lot of negativity around it.

AlmostMrsStrong

We're getting STDs because we have a lot of guests coming from an hour or more away, and we want them to have time to make any travel arrangements or request off of work or whatever they need. We also went with magnets, just because paper STDs can be so easy to misplace.