UPSET!!!

Molly15098

So, my fiance and I decided to make a donation to a charity instead of favors.  We were going to have a card at each place setting letting them know....

I was so excited about the idea...

Then, I went to ask a question on the Etiquette board.  While asking my irrevelent question, I mentioned about the donation and I got so many nasty responses!!  I was told that its a bad idea, its classless, etc.  WHAT?!?  Do you guys think so?!?  I feel so upset right now!

amymaysa

Personally, I'm not a fan of the favor donation, but I wouldn't grow upset if that was what was done by the bride and groom.

I think one reason why people disagree with the donation as a favor is b/c not everyone supports the same thing, and you could donate to an organization or cause someone doe snot agree with and they could be bothered by that

Favors aren't required, so you could skip them all together.

ktsann

i think that bored is mean. do what you want who cares what people think if you like it then do it!

1lindarose

It seems that any non-traditional idea posted on that board is bound to get shot down. Personally, I think there are a lot of new ideas out there for weddings that are great, even if they dont' follow the old fashioned rules. I think a charity donation is a great idea. 

kantonik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2012-weddings_upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:46c2f53c-680c-4532-aa96-4cca92890b59Discussion:a5e31abb-2609-434a-a01d-15719fd2ee3bPost:cd341385-8418-4893-a5bd-9b7765a167ac">Re: UPSET!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would ignore the posts from the Etiquette board.  I quickly learned not to post anything on there. We are making a donation in lieu of favors and I think it's fantastic that you're doing it as well.   As a guest, I personally would much rather see a bride and groom put the money towards a good cause (ANY good cause) than spend it on favors that I will most likely forget at the table anyway.
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this post from lls31. Some people can be so nasty on these boards. Not for nothing, but when you look up "wedding favor trends" on any website these days, favor donations are up on the list!

FI and I will be making a donation in lieu of a favor as well, and we couldn't be more excited about it! It's a charity that all of my friends and family know that I am closely affiliated with, and I don't think they would expect anything less than for us to do a favor like this!
I've been to several weddings where the bride and groom have done favor donations, and I think it's the greatest thing, regardless of what charity it is!

Molly15098

THANK YOU ALL!!  I feel so much better!  Its so awful when you are so excited and hyped about something, and then people just shoot it down...  I am officially DONE with the Etiquette board!

lls31

We are making a donation in lieu of favors and I think it's fantastic that you're doing it as well.  

As a guest, I personally would much rather see a bride and groom put the money towards a good cause (ANY good cause) than spend it on favors that I will most likely forget at the table anyway.

lls31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2012-weddings_upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:46c2f53c-680c-4532-aa96-4cca92890b59Discussion:a5e31abb-2609-434a-a01d-15719fd2ee3bPost:47b27a7f-034a-4f8c-9111-8783478fb22b">Re: UPSET!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm not a fan of the favor donation, but I wouldn't grow upset if that was what was done by the bride and groom. <strong>I think one reason why people disagree with the donation as a favor is b/c not everyone supports the same thing, and you could donate to an organization or cause someone doe snot agree with and they could be bothered by that</strong> Favors aren't required, so you could skip them all together.
Posted by amymaysa[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this and I think that any couples that do decide to make a donation should think carefully about the organization they intend to donate to prior to making the final decision.  </div><div>
</div><div>My sister thought about making a donation for her wedding, but her organization of choice was Holocaust affiliated.  That can be a controversial subject even without the donation, so she decided against it (and I think that was a good decision).  </div><div>
</div><div>I am donating to a cancer affiliated organization.  I think the majority of people have been affected by cancer in one way or another, so I personally think that is fine.  </div>

KayCee85

Those girls can be SO nasty! I really like the idea of donations, instead of favors. Favors, in my opinion, are such a waste. Half the time, people leave them at the table when they leave anyway, and it ends up being money wasted. The girls who post on that board, think theyre etiquette experts, when in reality, alot of their beliefs are SO old fashioned. Theyre following rules that were standard in the 50'sand 60's. DO what you want! Etiquette schmetiquette.

christineashley

I think that making a donation to ANY charity is a great idea and it speaks highly about you two as a couple. I would ignore and not post anywhere except where you know you are welcome without judgement. It's so childish and ridiculous that people lash out on online forums such as this one where we all come together to share ideas and FRIENDLY advice. We should NOT be afraid to post somewhere because of some nasty people on the other boards. 

christineashley

WOAH, I just read your post over there and they are NASTY!! They all lashed out as if they were back in middle school. What a bunch of immature b*tches! They even poked fun at us calling us a "secret board"; why because we are actually NICE?! OOH I am pretty annoyed now at their immaturity. 

Molly15098

You guys are awesome!  Thanks so much for the support!  To be honest, I was pretty disturbed by some of those girls....One girl made is sound like she was message board stalking me--saying something about how I said somewhere that I was getting a DJ (We actually got a band...no idea what she thought she read).  So strange.....Are these 15 year old little school getting married or something?.....

jon&kara

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2012-weddings_upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:46c2f53c-680c-4532-aa96-4cca92890b59Discussion:a5e31abb-2609-434a-a01d-15719fd2ee3bPost:9c1b64d6-a3fd-49b8-8acb-52114a14f1b9">UPSET!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my fiance and I decided to make a donation to a charity instead of favors.  We were going to have a card at each place setting letting them know.... I was so excited about the idea... Then, I went to ask a question on the Etiquette board.  While asking my irrevelent question, I mentioned about the donation and I got so many nasty responses!!  I was told that its a bad idea, its classless, etc.  WHAT?!?  Do you guys think so?!?  I feel so upset right now!
Posted by Molly15098[/QUOTE]

Advice--- do NOT post anything on the topic boards, post on your local boards or the month and year boards because the women in the general boards are bitches. THey've attacked everyone and i've seen brutal brutal things that people say. It's very hurtful and they dont care.

My fiance and I have thought about doing a donation in honor of that guest to a charity because it means something to us. It's really all about what YOU want because it's YOUR big day. The general boards make it seem like you have to please EVERY guest who attend your wedding and never make it about you, the bride/groom.

My advice, do what makes you and your fiance happy and feel good. Bottom line - it's your day.

ElisabethJoanne

What I don't like about donation favors is it's always presented as a cost-saving measure in bridal magazines. That's not how I was taught to give to charity. You give to charity until it hurts, not to "save money."

What offends me about favors is being bullied (by catering staff/wedding planners) into taking one. I understand the bride and groom worked long and hard putting the custom wrappers on those mini candy bars, or tying those bows, or whatever. But the chocolate will melt on the way home; I'm allergic to your gourmet jam; I don't want a single champagne flute; etc.

But whatever a bride and groom do doesn't offend me as a guest, unless it's almost intentionally offensive. We're skipping favors and donations altogether.

ChristineM1020

My FI and I are donating to the cancer society. Both of our families have been so close to cancer and its effects. My grandfather passed from pancreatic and his cousin is currently battling brain cancer with some uncles who have passed from it. We thought a donation to the cancer society is not excluding anyone but its for anyone who has had cancer. We are NOT doing it as a cost savings but rather doing it because we are so close to it and its honestly money better spent then giving something to someone who is either going to throw it out, not take it home or whatever else. people dont need chatckies (sp?), its better to help a cause then give someone a mini bag of chocolates, in my opinion.

We were thinkin about giving out caramel apples and after we priced it out, we decided to donate instead. Were not "cost saving" on this bc we are giving the amount we set aside for "favors". If anyone gets mad at you for helping a cause its very sad because if they were the person in need im sure their point of view would be very different. Especially now around the holidays, you need to be thankful for what you have.

sessionswedding

If you want to donate to charity, by all means, do it.  But instead of a card at each seat, donate that extra money to charity as well, and just don't announce it.  Favors are no longer expected at weddings, and your guests will either not notice or be glad that they are sans some trinket at their seat.  One less thing to worry about.  ;-)

bbyprincesss

My aunt just attened a wedding last weekend and the Bride and Groom were both older, I think they were both Drs or something outrageous :P, and well established.. They had asked for donaitons to be made in lieu of gifts and my Aunt and I both thought that it was a very nice gesture and a great idea. I think its absolutly wonderful to give back instead of  if you are able too! What charities are you considering