Help!

Calialilly

I put this in the Cultural boards but only one person responded! Help!
My FI family is Mormon. Although my FI has chosen to not follow that religion and neither one of us is religious to any faith we still would like to respect the religious choices of his family as much as possible. 
My biggest issue is with the reception. In the Mormon religion, they do not drink alcohol at all. My family drinks at all special occasions. My FI and I enjoy a cocktail every once in a while and want to include this in our reception. 
Does anyone have any ideas on how we should go about this? Should we talk to his parents beforehand so they know that there will be alcoholic beverages served or should we just not say anything and just let them see it at the reception?
My other dilemma with this is the food and beverage minimums for the venue. We are just having a small ceremony and dinner in Seattle and then the actual Reception in August next summer at my home in Canada. The Seattle portion will be maximum 20 people. My top venue has a minimum food and beverage cost of $1400....now if everyone was drinking this would be possible to accomplish but with over half of the guests there not consuming alcohol how the heck are we suppose to consume this much? lol

amandasw

I'm sorry about the alcohol situation, hopefully someone on here will have some good advice. 

As for the minimum, are there no other people you want to invite?  That seems like the simplest thing to me.  But also, food costs add up fast - especially with a full dinner.  I can only think to pick out the most expensive items on the menu lol...  which sounds like a good problem to me

enlightened1

I don't know much about the Mormon culture, nor do I intend to offend anyone, but I think that if if's your wedding and you want alcohol, you should have it available!  Those who wish to respect that belief do not have to drink You should inform his parents of your decision, just to let them know. Make it clear that it's not an 'open for discussion' type of situation. Hopefully it'll all work out and they'll respect you both.

As far as the venue goes, perhaps you should look into a place that charges per person? Or maybe talk to them and let them know your dilemma. Every venue I inquired about was able to make exceptions if they really wanted my business.  $1400 is a LOT for a max of 20 people!

jennlin

i would go with what amanda said...either pick some more expensive food, extra appetizers, and choose some top shelf liquor for the drinking side of the family!

otherwise you can just tell them to charge you $1400, even if you don't hit it. i'm sure the venue would be happy with that.

as for drinking..i would just "warn" your FIL's.. there will be alcohol, but there's no requirements that they drink it.

sarack

Even with 20 people, that minimum will be met easily I bet. It is your wedding, if you want alcohol, serve it. Those who don't want to drink it don't have to.

Calialilly

Thanks girls!  

I just needed some backbone confidence that it was okay to go ahead with it! haha

jostina2010

Just a quick addition - I agree with everything above but be sure to have nonalcoholic options available (seems like a "duh" but it could be forgotten).  Maybe some unique and special nonalcoholic drinks will help with the minimum?  Don't forget the sparkling cider (or something) as an alternative to champagne if you're doing a champagne toast

kristend72

I agree with Jostina. I am in a similar situation but it is part of my family that is Mormon. I know how you feel that you don't want to be offensive and 'in your face' with the alcohol but there's a middle ground between endless rounds of body shots and no alcohol at all.

So I would say to go for classy alcoholic drinks. Fine sipping beers, wine, etc. Stuff that will be classy and will work against people getting too drunk too quick. I think that, especially in this area, a lot of Mormons are used to being at events with booze, it's just when people start to get blitzed and out of control that lots of people (religion aside) start to get offended. It's like when you're the DD and stuff that would be acceptable if not pretty funny if you were drunk is really annoying sober.

Then, offer up a fun mocktail alternative for the non-drinkers (any kids you have will dig it to). Something that is just as special and pretty as a cocktail. It kind of sucks when it's like "Here we are having lemon drops with a sugar rim and a twist of lemon. You can just have a Sprite." Heck, even non-drinkers may go for the mocktail.

MrsH8172010

Can you do the small dinner here after the ceremony with no alcohol and do your big reception next year with alcohol?
Thenyou can let them know that in honor of their religion you aren't going to do alcohol for your small reception however at the one near your home there will be alcohol.

Not sure if that is possible but just wanted to throw it out there!

and as PPs said.. you can add a couple more people who are close to you to the guest list, that is what I would do. Then do apps and desert there as well plus fun non alcoholic drinks! I'm sure you can meet min. I find it kind of funny because most of us are worried about staying under a price and your problem is making sure you spend enough!!

But overall do what you want, it is your wedding after all!

amandasw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_help-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:739198a0-680f-4736-9e26-208730aaf027Post:9affecef-449f-439c-9750-5e0da2150fdc">Re: Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you do the small dinner here after the ceremony with no alcohol and do your big reception next year with alcohol? Thenyou can let them know that in honor of their religion you aren't going to do alcohol for your small reception however at the one near your home there will be alcohol.
Posted by carissahope[/QUOTE]

I actually really like this idea.  (I think most of us forgot it would be such a small group and were thinking more of a large reception)  It's such a small group where literally half (I'm assuming) of the people don't drink, I think it would be a nice gesture to not have any.  Then again, I'm the type of person where I don't think alcohol is "necessary" and I know not everyone agrees. 

Calialilly

lol If only it were so easy. It is almost like night and day between our two families and amazingly enough we aren't like either of our families. 

My parents- drink every weekend. Have always partied WAY more than I have. Drink just because its hot outside. Drink for any reason possible really. (I'm sensing this may be an issue in their personal lives? :S lol)

His parents- do not drink at all. Period. And do not drink caffeine.

I feel like if I tell my family that there will be no alcohol beverages at the dinner in Seattle then I will be taking something away from them almost. I know I shouldn't feel that way as really, its just alcohol. It really doesn't matter to me and my FI if its there or not. We may have a glass of champagne to toast or something and thats about it. 

Sigh...thanks for all of your words of wisdom. Unfortunately I still kind of feel like I am stuck in the same boat as I was this morning. 

On the plus side- I think I found our photographer!

Calialilly

Btw, I loved the special non-alcoholic drink ideas! That was a fabulous suggestion that I never thought of!